


Moirai Before Love

by Tandy_Hard



Category: Naruto
Genre: 23 Year Old Naruto / 16 Year Old Sasuke, Adult Content, Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst and Romance, Binge Drinking, Bisexual Male Character, Consensual Underage Sex, Emotional Baggage, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, First Crush, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Masturbation, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Psychological Trauma, Recreational Drug Use, Rimming, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Taboo, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-05-08 10:48:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 56,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14692631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tandy_Hard/pseuds/Tandy_Hard
Summary: On the day Naruto Uzumaki met twelve year old Sasuke Uchiha, fate had already wrenched its price from both their lives. Once a former intern at Serenity Treatment Center, Naruto is yanked back into the role of mentor to help the young and shattered Sasuke regain his life when the lines begin to blur between who is really saving who. After a chance meeting years later, both are forced to face off with the past they left behind as well as the unfortunate timing of their reconnection. Will the two triumph in this tale of tragedy, loss and the ever constant fight against fate for the chance of love?





	1. Meetings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [notoriginaluser](https://archiveofourown.org/users/notoriginaluser/gifts).



> Warnings: PLEASE READ ALL TAGS CAREFULLY. This is your warning. 
> 
> Author’s Note: Well, here we are again, Dear Reader. Thank you so much for joining me. Let’s get the obvious out of the way, shall we? Yes, there is going to be a 7 year age gap in this story. Yes, one of them will be underage. So you have two choices, DON’T READ if this offends you, or read if you’re fine with it. I really don’t want to go into all the ways this story isn’t blah, blah, blah and doesn't make me blah, blah, blah so please, if you have a serious issue with the whole underage, age gap thing stay the fuck away from this fic and the fuck out of my comments. For the billionth time, as a reader, you have a choice to read this or NOT TO READ THIS. With that said, it should also be pointed out that the rest of us are under NO OBLIGATION to live by someone else’s morality codes. Hence, this fic. - Now, as for this story, I have no idea how many chapters it will have. I have no idea how it will end. What I do know is that this is just something I was tinkering with one night and stayed up until 4am writing the first draft. Other than wanting to see if I could write a different albeit taboo love story, there’s really not much more to this than an exploration of human desire, societal norms and the psychological baggage we as humans place on ourselves. Whether I can pull that off or instead just end up writing a steamy, fluff filled fic… well, you can be the judge of that once I reach the end. As I said, this was just in my head, scratching against the walls of my brain to be let out. I hope you enjoy.
> 
> P.s. Quick update as I didn't have permission before - I'd like to dedicate this fic to @notoriginaluser as it was one of her encouraging tweets that made me want to try and return to writing. Thank you, luv. You bless me everyday with your friendship.

_“Hey child, stay wilder than the wind and blow me in to cry…” - Come Undone, Duran Duran_

* * *

*

The small, chilly observation room at Serenity Treatment Center where Naruto stood next to his best friend, Dr. Shikamaru Nara was completely devoid of any medical equipment. He remembered the Center’s policy to try and minimize the hospital-like atmosphere. Most kids tensed at the sight of lab coats and bright silver equipment that could look like torture devices to a young child eyes. Still feeling apprehensive about being included, Naruto reluctantly obliged Shikamaru’s request and stared through the one-way glass at the five-foot angry kid in a wild west face off against one of Serenity’s interns, Sakura Haruno. The waiting room was empty but for the kid and the intern. With perhaps more than just a casual amusement, Naruto wondered which one of them would blink first. His money was on Sakura.

The kid in question was a sight to behold. Between the mud-caked hair and dirt creased face, Naruto had a hard time believing there was little boy hidden somewhere under it all. Denim stripped to its cotton threading wide at the knees and what could have at one time been a white t-shirt, but now would never anything more than a dull brown color no matter how many times it was washed, revealing two grime laced arms with clenched fists coming out from the sleeves. At least the kid had shoes, thrashed as they were.

Probably one of the reasons he had survived the cold weather, Naruto thought and inwardly winced.

“How long was he on the streets?” Naruto couldn’t pull his eyes from the kid. He and Shikamaru were undetectable from this side of the window, allowing them to watch without interfering in the drama playing out on the other side of the glass.

“Don’t know. They found him near a hiking trail rummaging inside one of the dumpsters,” Shikamaru said. “He was picked up this morning.”

Sensing a half-truth from his best friend, Naruto slanted a look at him but said nothing about Shika’s odd choice to meet at the center for lunch. The treatment center was part training facility and full psychiatric hospital located on the university campus, so it wasn’t out of the way for Naruto to swing by after class when Shika called urging Naruto to meet at Serenity for lunch. However, the invite into the observation room was definitely not run of the mill behavior from Naruto’s friend. Shikamaru was a brilliant psychiatric prodigy, so if a game was afoot, it was best to let it play out. As sharp as Naruto’s instincts were, they were no match against Shikamaru’s cunningness.

Instead, Naruto brought his attention back to the kid on the other side of the glass and watched him kick Sakura in the shin then run off into the corner of the room, barricading himself behind a box of Lincoln Logs the staff placed in the room for the toddlers Serenity treated from time to time. Naruto fought back a smile when the kid turned, grabbed a handful of the nearby wooden blocks, and stared down the pre-med intern with blazing eyes.

“You got yourself a fighter, Shika,” Naruto said, finally giving in to a smile as he watched the toys fly from the kid’s hands to Sakura’s head. Naruto’s fingers itched to push the speaker button on the wall but he knew it would be a breach of the treatment center’s privacy policy. He wasn’t an intern anymore. Still, what Naruto wouldn’t give to hear Sakura try and plead with the kid to chill the fuck out. The way she would always start cursing once she lost her temper never failed to make Naruto laugh.

“Yup. The question is, do you think you can help me with this one.”

Naruto faced his old friend, his smile sliding from his face. “It’s been over a year since I’ve done a session, you know that. I wouldn’t be any help to that kid,” Naruto said, not bothering to disguise the anger in his voice.

So this was Shika’s game. The offer to meet for lunch and catch up was nothing more than a ruse to get Naruto here. He let his eyes flare with irritation as he glared at his old friend.

“Save the attitude, Naruto. You know I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important. This kid was found near the trail leading to Escondido Falls. No one’s sure but I think he was living in near the falls for close to a month.”

“By himself?” A crease formed on Naruto’s forehead and he turned back just in time to watch Sakura slowly back out of the room, her hands out front trying to protect her face from the flying toys. The kid flung one last Lincoln Log at her, easily aiming between her outstretched hands, and dinging her square in the face. Naruto’s eyes read the word, _shit_ on Sakura’s lips just before she turned and bolted from the room.

 _Kid’s got clutch._ Naruto’s smile returned but quickly faded when he remembered Shika’s scheme.

“The doctors won’t speculate but I think so. His fingernails and the length of his hair compared to how trashed his shredded jeans are...” Shika stepped closer to the glass. “Naruto, out of all my interns you have the most experience -”

“I’m not one of your interns anymore.” Naruto turned his back on the one-way glass. “I’m going for a teacher’s cert now.” The hard stare in his eyes lingered on his friend.

Shikamaru knew better than to pull this shit. Of all the things to ask, Naruto thought, and threw Shika one last look of disgust before heading for the door.

Shika didn’t go after him, choosing instead to face the large viewing window. “He can’t be more than thirteen or fourteen. He won’t tell us his name. Shit, he won’t tell us anything, not a word. We assigned a couple of interns to scour the net for information and tried to run his prints.”

“Did you try the Federal database?” Naruto asked. His back to Shika and his hand ready to reach for the door handle.

“Not yet. Our computer spat back his prints due to smudges. It was hard to get the ones we did. Kid’s also a biter,” Shikamaru said with a touch of humor. “If he’s in the system, we’ll find him.”

“Yeah but has he committed a crime?” Naruto joked, his anger receding a bit as he looked back at his old friend.

Shika shrugged his shoulders.

Naruto let out a low chuckle. The boy was definitely a fireball and despite Shika’s shitty ploy to get Naruto back in the game, he had to admit there was a time he would’ve gone to any lengths if it meant helping a kid in need. With his feet already moving him back into the room, Naruto turned. A weary smile beneath uncertain eyes played across his face.

Now alone in the waiting room, the kid gathered as many wood logs and tinker toys as he could. The boy then piled them into small stacks next to where he positioned himself in the corner.

A large stock of ammo, Naruto figured and pushed his hands into his pockets.

“Shika, I won’t be a grad student until the fall. I got my old intern hours and child development under my belt but -”

“You had the best record for getting through to the tough cases when you were in the program. Both me and Dr. Tsunade have agreed to have you act as mentor.”

“You don’t need me for this.” Naruto’s voice went soft, a gentle pleading for his friend not to push… his eyes still on the kid.

“Maybe I don’t. But he does.”

“That’s a low blow, Shika, even for you,” Naruto said not bothering to meet his friends eyes.

“I don’t give a shit about your hangups, Naruto. I care about helping the kid. I’ll take whatever blows I need to.”

Naruto let out a sigh. “I don’t know if I can.”

“Then try.” Shika took a step toward his friend. “Meet with him once. If he doesn’t respond to you, you’re off the hook. I won’t put up a fight if you wanna walk.”

Again, Naruto turned to look at the man who currently had his nuts in a vice and let out a grating groan of frustration.

“I leave for graduate school in five months. This boy deserves to have someone stick around longer than a semester. It would be cruel, Shika.”

“Not if you can help him in that time. I think anyone would rather have a few months of dedication than none at all.”

“Isn’t that what he has you for?”

“I’ll admit I’ve excelled in my field,” Shika said, his confident tone making Naruto roll his eyes.  

“But you have what I lack,” Shika said matter of factly.

“Uh-huh.” Naruto’s voice fell with a sarcastic thump and he went for the door.

“Tell me I’m wrong,” Shikamaru replied.

Naruto stopped and turned one last time to watch the boy through the one-way glass. The small viewing office was lit with only one lamp. The soft light a gentle hearth against the air conditioned chill in the room made Naruto take a half step closer to it.

With weaponry fully stocked, the small framed boy was now sitting tight in the corner, dozens of toy blocks within reach. The kid’s dark eyes kept snapping open, glaring and scanning the room before his eyelids would slowly fall closed again over and over; a telltale sign he was fighting sleep. It was clear the kid was using his rage to keep himself awake.

 _And his fear._  

Naruto blinked at the thought and grabbed the door handle.

“I don’t have class on Thursday. Have him ready by ten in the morning.” Naruto opened the door and walked out.

 

* * *

 

It was 10am sharp when Naruto returned to Serenity Treatment Center. This time entering the visiting room rather than the viewing office. The boy he’d seen only three days ago was now washed and dressed, clean and combed. Though the dirt long gone, his jeans and t-shirt attire along with his kept position in the far corner of the room, lent a odd feeling to the moment, as if the staff hadn’t been able to remove him from the room and instead simply hosed him down where he sat sentry in the corner with his Lincoln Log ammo still within easy reach.

After only a split second of eye contact, Naruto looked away and walked farther into the room. Feeling a pair of eyes on him, Naruto worked to keep his face neutral as he went to one of the tables, sat down quietly and opened the boy’s file. 

> Sasuke Uchiha: age 12.
> 
> Mother: Mikoto Uchiha, age 35, deceased.
> 
> Father: Fugaku Uchiha, age 40, deceased.
> 
> Sibling/Brother: Itachi Uchiha, age 17, deceased.

It was worse than Naruto feared but he didn’t look up or pause his movements. He knew better than to react to the information or make eye contact with the boy. Right now was about no overt actions and keeping pity or any overly saccharine baby-talk from his voice. The kid was twelve and extremely defensive. Naruto’s instincts told him coddling would get him nowhere with Sasuke Uchiha.

Naruto flipped the page and read on. 

> Parents and sibling buried at Forest Lawn Memorial Park. Interred on December 28th after an electrical failure caused the Uchiha home to catch fire on December 24th, Christmas Eve. Fire Authority ruled faulty Christmas decorations as the cause of the fire that claimed the life of both parents and sibling. Authorities conducted a three week search, but no trace of the younger brother had been found until the early morning of January 16th near Escondido Falls in Malibu, some ten miles from the family’s home.

_Did he run away?_

Naruto pulled at the pages of Sasuke’s file, scanning each one looking for details. Sasuke had been enrolled in one of the best private schools in Malibu before the incident. At only twelve years old, Sasuke was already showing exceptional comprehension and skills in all his classes and activities. Math, Science, English, Chess Club; the boy had been excelling in every aspect.

To know tragedy and Sasuke’s subsequent disappearance now had this once brilliant boy lost and locked inside anger and fear, pushed at Naruto’s deep-seated desire to help the kid fight his way back to the land of the living.  

_Why hadn’t they tried harder to look for him?_

Naruto clenched his jaw then forced himself to breathe and remember the boy was likely watching Naruto’s every move. With this in mind, he picked up his pen and clicked the top.

“Top of your class. Honors and several recommendations from your teachers for early admittance to high school curriculum courses,” Naruto said out loud. He didn’t look up from the file as he turned the pages. “After reading all this, I have a hard time believing you can’t talk, Sasuke.”

The boy in the corner stilled but didn’t answer.

“You don’t have to say anything. It’s all here in your file.” Again, Naruto didn’t bother looking up. “I’m sorry about your family. But I bet you’re not the type to want stupid apologies or over emotional platitudes about the meaning of life and how everything happens for a reason, so I won’t bother you with them.”

Naruto stared at the file but his ears were tuned in to where the boy was. He heard the shuffling of feet and made sure to keep his eyes focused on Sasuke’s dossier.

“I don’t blame you for not wanting to talk. All we’ll do is ask you about what happened and where you were. Who the fuck wants to deal with all that, right?”

The chair next to Naruto moved and he knew Sasuke was now next to it. He might not sit down but that was okay. Naruto had the kid’s attention and that was enough.

“Well, I’m not gonna ask you about what happened, Sasuke. Honest. But I am gonna talk because it’s kind of my job right now.” Naruto flipped back to the first page of the file and entered the time and date in the log. “And you don’t have to listen if you don’t want to. You can stay keeping guard in the corner with your blocks.”

In his peripheral vision, Naruto saw that the kid made no attempt to move from the table so Naruto took in a quiet breath and began to write his notes.

“I’m filling out the log that I’ve met you and I’m going over your file with you.” Naruto scribbled on the paper. “It lists the basics. Your schooling. Names of your parents and brother. Your transcripts and your last known whereabouts before you were found, where you were found, your medical chart from when they examined you for injuries, etcetera.”

Naruto kept writing. “I don’t know if you want to be helped or if you want to go back to where you were found, but I hope it’s the former. It’d be a shame if you let all your potential go to waste.”

“What the fuck do you know about potential.”

Naruto’s heart skipped at the sound and then at the edge in Sasuke’s voice. He squeezed his pen to keep from reacting too suddenly and waited a full five seconds before responding.

“Maybe nothing.” Naruto slowly turned and caught the boy’s eyes with his own. Time slipped as the two took each other in. Dark intense eyes stared back at Naruto. Sharp and calculating with a stark depth that cemented Naruto’s resolve to not give up on the kid.

“When my parents died and Dr. Tsunade found me in an abandoned warehouse, I remember thinking I didn’t need anyone’s help either.”

Sasuke’s eyes didn’t flinch at Naruto’s confession.

“But I was wrong,” Naruto added and then broke eye contact. He closed the file and got up. “I’m not interested in what you don’t want to talk about, Sasuke Uchiha. But if there’s something you do want to talk about, let Dr. Nara or Dr. Tsunade know and I’ll come back.”

“My name’s Naruto,” he said and then walked out leaving the boy standing at the table staring after him.

***

* * *

***

Sasuke reached into his backpack and pulled out his large folder and pencil.

“Your instructor will be here shortly. He asked that you take notes on the following film until he arrives.” The teacher’s assistant turned on the overhead video screen and dimmed the lights. Sasuke turned his eyes upward and sneered at the title screen.

What Is Psychology?

Not bothering to hold back his eye roll, Sasuke felt a spike of annoyance shoot through his chest. He might be the only sixteen year old in the class but it didn’t mean Sasuke approved of the juvenile approach to teaching. He preferred teachers who actually taught over ones who relied on videos and group projects. The idea of a late and lazy teacher stuck in Sasuke’s craw. With a small twitch of his brow, he wondered if he should give the teacher one more chance to make amends before dropping the class.

Instead of storming out, Sasuke pulled out Professor Hatake’s syllabus along with his textbook. He had already worked his way through a third of the book so he might as well keep going. No sense in wasting the opportunity, he thought.

Sasuke was in _go_ mode. Since leaving Serenity fours years ago, he was now months from finishing high school a year early. This early college intro course was just the beginning of his trajectory. Thankfully, high school no longer offered any scholastic challenges to Sasuke, allowing him to make his first college course his top priority.

With a blank sheet of paper and pencil at the ready, Sasuke blinked down at his desk as his mind tripped back to that lost year of his life. Sure his time at Serenity had been... _tolerable._ Therapy and medication that made his teeth itch weren’t in any way Sasuke’s choice but it had been _tolerable._ At least while his mentor, Naruto had been there.

Sasuke’s chest tightened. Those first few months after… the incident... it was Naruto who had helped Sasuke hold back the nightmares and the pain. He tossed Sasuke the proverbial life-preserver that kept him from drowning during Sasuke’s battle against a wrathful sea of emotion and despair.

_Naruto._

The pencil in Sasuke’s hand waited as he slowly filled his lungs. One deep breath then another. It was technique he used whenever his heart would race from those old memories, the hard palpitations shutting out all sound but for the pulse of his heart slamming in his ears.

Everything from that time stayed vividly etched in Sasuke’s mind, cruelly allowing him to relive it all at the most inconvenient moments. From the day of the fire to the day Naruto left him, Sasuke could recall it all with striking accuracy. The time between then and now like decades though only four years had passed. Back then Naruto had been his foundation. The one thing Sasuke could count on. The man had talked and fought and pushed, and the more shit Sasuke flung his way, the more Naruto dug in and held his ground.

Sasuke swallowed and pressed his pencil hard against the paper trying to will his mind to let the old shit go and start working on the discussion questions from chapter fourteen in front of him now.

He didn’t want to think about Naruto or when he left the campus for grad school or when the nightmares returned; Sasuke running lost, searching, desperate while being chased by a large faceless menace. After Naruto left, it was those nights the staff would find Sasuke curled tight under his bed, shaking, covered in sweat. Those were the nights he would silently vow he would never again succumb to loss. If the fates had it out for him then he would outwit them and make his life barren of that which they sought to keep stealing from him.

Sasuke’s hand went to his book, his fingers gently gripping the glossed paper, turning each page as his unfocused eyes tried to scan the pages despite the tug-o-war going on inside his head. Memories of how during those last months he forced himself to participate in Dr. Tsunade’s therapy sessions, easily placating her by finally agreeing to let her include his treatment and progress in her upcoming journal submission.

Both of them knew why he gave his permission but neither had cared enough to voice it. Dr. Tsunade wasn’t stupid. Of that Sasuke was sure. But along with her intelligence came her crystalline awareness that Sasuke didn’t give a shit. Their eyes exchanging all the dialogue they need have on the subject. He wanted out of Serenity and released into custody of his cousin, Shisui, and Dr. Tsunade wanted her journal piece. With a slight flick of Sasuke’s eyebrows and a tap of her garish red fingernails, the deal had been made without either of them saying a word.

Thankfully, Sasuke was allowed to attend school while the courts finalized his cousin’s guardianship, earning him the opportunity to bury himself in his school work while he simultaneously distanced himself from Serenity… and his old mentor, Naruto. Those memories of Serenity, along with Naruto, were now miles away. A new school, a new somewhat smaller family and brand new goals had been Sasuke's salvation. And as far as Sasuke was concerned, Serenity was another life. One he had no problem leaving behind.

Wrenching his thoughts away from the past and back onto his current problem, Sasuke looked down at the textbook question, letting the flow of irritation regarding absentee professors wash over him and welcoming the cleansing flood with open arms as it drowned the faces of those far off days.

Heart rate returning to normal, Sasuke scribbled his name and date down on the paper and began to read the questions in his book.

“Sorry I’m late guys!” The teacher called out as he entered the classroom. “Professor Hatake had a family emergency and asked me to take over his class for the semester. Then a faulty alarm clock, dead cellphone battery and heavy traffic all conspired together to keep me from getting here on time.”

A loud sigh followed the teacher’s explanation while he set down his bags on the front desk, then fumbled at the controls under it to get the television to turn off.

“Could everyone please take out your books and -”

Sasuke finally caught the eyes of his professor with his own and they both stared at one another in shock.

“...uh, open to chapter one,” the teacher finally finished.

Naruto.

Sasuke’s heart pounded and sweat broke out all over his skin. Fuck it all if it wasn’t Naruto standing at the front of the class, blue eyes wide and mouth open.

A torrential flood of every curse, every tear, every bruised knuckle against the walls of his room at Serenity broke and crashed over Sasuke. All those empty prayers he uttered into the dark while lying awake in his bed, punched against his chest tenfold. He blinked then creased his brows, shoving down the images of him alone in his cold hospital room wondering what he had done to make the man now standing in front of his psychology course classroom, break off all contact and abandon him.

A slow fire began to build in his belly.

 _No,_ Sasuke thought as he stared at the familiar electric blue eyes now trying to evade his own dark ones... _I never cried. I never wished for Naruto’s return._

The pencil in Sasuke’s hand broke from the force of his clenched fist as he watched Naruto casually turn on the classroom lights; Sasuke’s mind reiterating its mantra of denial over and over.

How cruel of fate to let Sasuke witness the familiar blond hair flopped about the same kind face. So close... so within reach but for the wall of unforgiving hatred that now stood between him and his once upon a time mentor. Those gentle eyes that now, instead of kindness and truth, darted away, hiding, scanning the teacher’s desk while Naruto fumbled with whatever paperwork he was fixing to pass out to the class.

“Okay!” Naruto called out, still not looking up. “Let’s see, I got the roll sheet right here and… Lee!”

A guy in the back with a strange bowl shaped haircut snapped his head up. “Here!”

The teacher latched his eyes onto the kid. “Heh, thanks but I’d like you to please begin reading chapter one out loud. Section one: What is the study of psychology? When you finish the section have the person behind you pick up where you left off, please.”

“Yes, sir!”

“Heh, it’s Naruto.”

“Huh?”

“You can call me, Naruto or Mr. Uzumaki if you want. Anything but sir,” Naruto said and a warm smile grew on his face.

“How about, asshole?” Sasuke said and a few of the students giggled. He’d already pushed his binder, book, paper and broken pencil pieces into his backpack with a sweep of his hand, shoving the mess down hard before zipping it all in. Feeling all eyes, save one pair, now on him, Sasuke rose from his chair and backed away from his desk.

Naruto slid his gaze over to where Sasuke stood. An eon? A lifetime? Sasuke no longer measured time the way he did as a child and therefore couldn’t tell how long he and Naruto stared at one another, but once the blue eyes softened their gaze, Sasuke’s rage snapped and he scowled.

Naruto stood up straight and opened his mouth.

“Don’t bother,” Sasuke said and walked out.

*

Deep in the college parking lot inside an old faded grey Corolla, sat Sasuke, fuming. Four years. _Four years_ without a letter or a fucking email and that asshole had the nerve to stand in front of Sasuke like it had all meant nothing. Too chicken-shit to even offer up some pathetic excuse about how Naruto had been too busy. Too busy to call. Too busy to check in with the kid who lost everything and wanted nothing more than his mentor to reach out and ask him how he was.

_I believed him. When he said he cared, I believed him._

Sasuke punched the steering wheel and the horn went off. He punched it again and again until he became aware of the looks from passing by students and of the stinging pain along his knuckles. Breathing hard, he wrapped his hands around his steering wheel, closed his eyes and vowed to die rather than let a single tear fall.  

_“If you want, I can bring you some books. Your transcripts showed you like to read and there’s a library here on campus. What sort of books do you like, Sasuke?”_

Sasuke opened his eyes at the memory. Naruto and his soothing voice. Naruto with his carefree laugh whenever Sasuke called him a prick for sticking his nose in where it wasn’t wanted. Naruto who pushed Sasuke but never cruelly. Naruto would talk and talk, rambling about books and art and history until Sasuke would finally argue back, challenging him on his facts and mocking his opinions. His tantrums always met with blue eyes dancing to the sound of Naruto’s laughter.

_“Ha! So you do have some brains, eh? Then tell me Sasuke, why the fuck would you throw them away just so you could sit in this place and rot?”_

Two months of visits and walks side by side with Naruto, talking about everything but the reason for Sasuke’s stay at the treatment center, finally progressed to Sasuke agreeing to meet with Shikamaru for a therapy session. Dr. Nara had been patient and easy to talk to but it was still Naruto, Sasuke looked forward to seeing every Thursday and Sunday. Sure the asshole told Sasuke from the very beginning, he wouldn’t be staying long at Serenity, but why not a phone call? An email? Not even a goddamn poke on Facebook. Nothing!

Naruto said goodbye to him in May and by August, Sasuke was living with his cousin, Shisui; drained and bitter, but determined to never let anyone play him again.

Sasuke breathed in letting the sweet citrus air freshener fill his nose. He bowed his head remembering the star jasmine shrubs that lined the small lake just beyond the Serenity facility. The university campus was littered with the flower bearing bushes. Paths bordered with trees and benches made Sasuke’s walks with Naruto relaxing but it was the sweet smell of the star jasmine that surrounded the lake he and Naruto would frequent that reminded him of those days and helped to sooth Sasuke’s mood then and still now.

Of course, it was a luxury he kept to himself. Once when driving him and his cousin to the grocery store, Shisui asked about the fragrance. Offering no more than a distracted wave of his hand, Sasuke told his cousin the item had been on sale and conveniently covered up the wet mildew stink of the car’s air conditioner. In truth, the scent comforted him. Over time he learned to block out the soft image of Naruto’s face that accompanied the calming effect of the air freshener, and breathe the peacefulness in its stead.

Not that Shisui ever needed to know that. Not that anyone ever need know, he thought, closing his eyes to the delicate fragrance.

Though Shisui had been his rock during Sasuke’s first months out of Serenity, Sasuke still hadn’t wanted to lay everything at the feet of his cousin. It wasn’t lost on Sasuke that out of nowhere his cousin suddenly found himself in the role of parent to a thirteen year old. Shisui, then twenty-two and just out of college, never so much as voiced a complaint or offered any alternative to Sasuke’s living situation. So when finally released into his cousin's care, Sasuke did whatever he could to lessen the weight of responsibility on his Shisui's shoulders. He cleaned, cooked, worked out to stay healthy and out of trouble, studied hard and applied to every scholarship available to him. And anytime Shisui told Sasuke he didn’t need to push so hard, Sasuke would just work harder.

Sasuke felt obligated. Shisui had been his rock that first Christmas holiday without his mother and father… and Itachi. Their small two-bedroom apartment remained free of decorations or a tree the whole season. There was no talk of gifts or special plans that might lend itself to the holiday. Only once did Shisui bring up the issue.

_“You never have to talk to me about it. But that doesn’t mean I won’t be here for you if you ever do want to. We’re family, Sasuke. I know I can’t take their place but if you ever need me, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”_

Shisui told him this while cooking breakfast one morning. Didn’t even bother turning around while he said it. Just kept frying eggs and moving the done bacon off the flame. By the time the food was on the table, Shisui had moved onto a different subject.

Sasuke had been grateful to him for that. In Sasuke’s mind, doing what he could to make Shisui’s life as easy as possible was the least he could do.

Alone in his car, Sasuke looked down at his hands. The skin around his knuckles was red and angry from the punching. He flexed his fingers and a dull ache thrummed as needles prickled throughout the skin signifying the return of blood flow. Outside his car window, his eversharp eyes darted to and from the shuffling students, to the ebb and flow of the cars in the lot as they searched for open parking spaces. Narrowing his eyes, he cast his sight toward the admissions office and down the walkway closest to.

He’d have to drop the psych class. He couldn’t see Naruto again.

A flurry of what, where and when flittered through his mind and he patted down his jeans and hoodie to locate his cell phone. Yanking the found device from his jacket pocket, his still numb fingers missed the grip and it dropped to floor under his seat. He made to grab for it and banged his head against the steering wheel, earning himself a hard hit to his forehead and a sharp hit to his ego for being a fucking clutz.

Finally grabbing his phone and carefully sitting back up, he checked the time.

“Fuck.”

The admissions office was already closed. If he was going to drop the class he’d have to wait until tomorrow. Or just keep the class, he thought, and his stomach spun and whirled when Naruto’s face flashed in his mind. Sasuke took in another deep breath and let it out slow.

His anger now sobering, Sasuke turned the ignition key. The engine wheezed and chugged before finally turning over. Sparing one more look toward the direction of his classroom, he put his car in reverse, checked his mirrors and drove off.

 


	2. A Movable Treatise

_“...sweet sweet little agony I don’t know just where you’ve been…” - Sweet Sweet, Smashing Pumpkins_

 

* * *

 

 

“This is my fault,” Naruto said and set down his cup. “I should’ve said something. Stopped the class or I don’t know. I was thrown off, ya know? It’s been what, four years?” Naruto scrubbed a hand through his hair.

“Almost,” Shisui said and sipped his coffee.

Naruto saw the way Sasuke’s cousin glanced at the microwave clock.

“If I had said something or went after him, he’d probably be home by now. I’m sorry.”

Shisui gave him an easy smile. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know and besides, I’ve never had to worry about Sasuke. He’s a good kid. He’ll be home soon.”

“Yeah,” Naruto answered and took another drink. “I know coming here’s gonna piss him off but he deserves an explanation.”

“He might not give you the chance,” Shisui said and smiled around his mug.

“Heh, oh I know it.” Naruto leaned back in his chair and glanced nervously around the kitchen. “But I have to try.”

The sound of the front door opening drifted from the living room and toward the men.

“Shisui, I’m know I’m late but -”

Naruto looked up at Sasuke coming into the kitchen and carefully stood up next to the table.

_Showtime._

“Sasuke -”

“Get out.” Sasuke’s eyes darkened.

It was a technique Naruto had witnessed many times back at Serenity and it was still something to see. When Sasuke’s anger flared, the very air in the room would crackle.

“No,” Shisui said flatly and went to his cousin. “I asked Naruto to come.” He reached for Sasuke’s backpack and slid it off his shoulder.

“You keep saying how you hate being treated like a child? Then be an adult and go sit at the table. I made coffee.”

Shisui reached for the other bag Sasuke was holding and Naruto couldn’t help but notice the writing on the plastic bag. He lifted his eyes back up to Sasuke who threw him a hard glare.

Pulling his lips in to tuck them between his teeth, Naruto darted his eyes away then glanced back down again, this time noticing Sasuke’s hands. The red blotching along Sasuke's knuckles stood out against the normally pale skin and Naruto’s eyes flinched. Quickly, he shoved his concern aside and looked away. Though it had been four years since their last real meeting, Naruto was more than aware of how Sasuke would react to Naruto pointing out the injury in front of Shisui.

Rather than bring it up, Naruto silently accepted the guilt for what was undoubtedly his role in Sasuke’s newly acquired bruises and again took a seat at the kitchen table as he watched Shisui disappear down the hall with Sasuke’s bags in tote.

Not bothering with coffee, Sasuke joined Naruto at the table but took a seat at the far end nearest to the kitchen wall. With hands in lap, Sasuke pulled his back straight, raised his eyes, and with his well-crafted stoic stare firmly in place, he waited.

Knowing Sasuke’s penchant for impatience, Naruto cleared his throat and decided to skip the preface.

“Serenity makes its staff sign contracts and that contract prohibits me or any mentor from contacting patients without Serenity’s expressed permission even after our terms are over,” Naruto said.

“You were twelve. I was nineteen. There was no way they’d allow me to contact a minor who at the time was suffering from extreme psychological trauma.”

“Bullshit.” Sasuke’s expression didn’t so much as twitch.

“Sasuke...” Naruto worked to steel his emotions as he set his elbows on the table and leaned in.

“You saw me in a classroom teaching. Do you think they’d let me do that if I violated a contract that specified I refrain from contacting a _minor?_ Even in collegiate circles, adults consorting with minors is frowned upon.  Sasuke, I know you know this.”

Sasuke merely blinked, holding to his glare, refusing to give an inch.

Naruto scrubbed a hand over his face and ran it back through his hair.

“I wanted to, I really did but -” Naruto looked down at his coffee mug. “Sasuke, I’m sorry. I know you hate me for leaving the way I did, but I didn’t abandon you. And I didn’t feed you a bunch of bullshit and take off.”

“Yeah right,” Sasuke said. “Why the fuck should I believe you now? It’s not like I would’ve told anyone if you had emailed me or called.” The rigidity in Sasuke’s posture loosened -if only a little.

Raising his eyes, Naruto let out a weak, breathy laugh.

“That’s exactly why the contract exists. The doctors know you’d lie and that’s not a good thing, Sasuke. Consider what you went through. Don’t you think it would look bad if I started up some long distance friendship with a kid I knew was undergoing intense therapy? A kid I mentored?”

“Fine. Whatever.” Sasuke’s jaw flexed but the accusation in his stare remained.

“Then why are you here? You wouldn’t acknowledge me in class but here you are. Guilty conscience?”

This time there was no hiding Naruto’s flinch. Whether it played into Sasuke’s need for moral superiority, he didn’t know, but he noticed Sasuke’s eyes lose a fraction of their intensity at Naruto’s reaction.

“You just shocked me is all,” he said, forcing a careful smile to lift his mouth. “I guess I was at a loss for words, if you can believe it.”

Sasuke saw through Naruto’s attempt at humor and looked away.

It was hard not to reach out and take hold of the hand that at one time sought out his own. Naruto ached to comfort and assure Sasuke that regardless of any contract, he’d always be here for him. Forever in his corner and pushing for his success.

But the bite of reality sunk its teeth into him. Naruto’s days of mentoring were over. Sasuke was no longer a child who needed his protection, nor was he apt to forgive Naruto’s abandonment. All rights and wrongs aside, the trust Naruto had gained was gone and the truth of it was, the hurt he caused that scared twelve year old kid was unforgivable and they both knew it.

Seconds pregnant with words that could never be said, passed like hours until finally Naruto pulled his hands off the table and into his lap.

“After class I called Serenity and cashed in a favor,” Naruto said quietly. “Your cousin called me back and invited me over.”

Sasuke turned back and flashed his eyes at him. “Aren’t you gonna be in trouble for visiting me?” Sasuke lifted his chin. “I’d hate for you to lose your teaching job because of me.”

“Heh well, judging by your tone, I doubt that’s true,” Naruto replied with soft humor. “But Shisui’s your legal guardian. He asked me to come so it’s alright.”

“Fine. You said what you wanted to say. Is that all?”

Naruto swallowed. “I saw the bag when you came in. You went to the Serenity library? That’s about a two hour drive from here.”

Sasuke pulled his gaze away and stared off to side saying nothing.

“Okay.” Naruto got up from the table and pushed in his chair.

“Thanks for talking with me. I uh… I’ll understand if you drop the class but I hope… well, I’ll understand is all.”

Naruto set his coffee cup in the sink then faced Sasuke one last time. “Thank your cousin for me and uh,” Naruto lifted his head and smiled. “It was good seeing you, Sasuke. I’m glad things are going well. And congrats on the early admission to Cal State. I’m sure you worked your ass off for it.”

The tentative smile hung on Naruto’s lips. He held his place for a moment, wanting more than anything, a small sign, a hope that somewhere within the dark eyes that used to hold trust, would be a sliver of forgiveness waiting for him. Even if it couldn’t be voiced now.

But Sasuke refused to face him.

Not having any further argument with the charge laid against him, Naruto walked out of the kitchen and out the front door.

*

Before he pulled his car out of the Uchiha’s driveway, Naruto switched off the car radio, preferring the silence to whatever hip hop commercial news blather coming your way bullshit might threaten to pull his thoughts away from the matter at hand. As he drove, the muffled rumble of the other cars on the road mixed with the echo of Sasuke’s words.

Other than apologize there wasn’t much else he could do. It was up to Sasuke whether or not he’d stay in the class.

Naruto knew when he called Shikamaru at Serenity about the incident at the college, he was risking facing Sasuke and having to finally accept the blame for walking away from Naruto's role as mentor four years ago.

Naruto slowed his Prius easing into a right turn and tucked his bottom lip between his teeth and chewed on it thoughtfully. But it hadn’t really been Naruto's decision, had it? The contract, the rules. They were all things he couldn’t under the law, disobey. And Naruto hadn’t lied about wanting to keep in touch. He remembered the nights drinking, mulling over what ramifications he might face while daring himself to hit send on the email he couldn’t stop himself from writing.

It ended up being Shika who convinced him that for Sasuke’s sake, it was best if Naruto not continue to call and ask about the kid.

_“You know why we have these rules, Naru. They’re not just for him. He’s doing fine. Even Dr. Tsunade said Sasuke’s making great progress and will likely be released into the care of his extended family any day now.”_

They had had a meeting before Sasuke was released and yet Naruto still called the treatment center again, trying one last time to get Shika to let the kid know...

Naruto let out a hard breath, his cheeks puffing out as he tried to regulate the flow, while he rubbed a hand over his eyes. It had been a long day and the only thing waiting for him now was a dreary hotel room, an ice cold beer, and school work for his upcoming Thursday class.

Seeing Sasuke in his class had been a kick to the head. Talking to him again like a sucker punch from the past he never could have imagined having to face again. If it hadn’t been for the obvious changes in Sasuke’s appearance, Naruto would’ve sworn not a single day had passed. The same cold eyes. Same nerves of steel.

Back at the center Sasuke had been all rage and fight. Biting and screaming and throwing whatever he could get his hands on until all but Naruto and Shikamaru assumed the boy was a lost cause. But after their first meeting Naruto didn’t need any more convincing. The truth was evident.

The way Sasuke’s eyes would follow Naruto. Learning. Calculating.

Be it boxing lessons or books on art, Sasuke’s attention would be locked onto Naruto’s instruction; his dark eyes never missing a nuance. And oh, how the kid had picked it all up lightening fast. No matter what Naruto threw his way, Sasuke was like a sponge, greedy for it all, only to then fly right past Naruto’s expectations.

Finally pulling into the dimly lit parking structure of the New Leaf Hotel, Naruto felt some relief but not much. His head was pounding. It was four years ago all over again. Old guilt and loss wrapped their cold fingers around Naruto’s tired heart and squeezed.

Sliding his key into the hotel room door, he wondered how the fuck fate pulled it off. The odds of Sasuke ending up in his class. A class he took on a whim. What was the point of life throwing him back into the fire of his past?

It had taken Naruto better than a year to stop his self flagellation for cutting off contact from Sasuke Uchiha the way he did. Rules or no rules, it nearly broke Naruto. But in the end he kept his word.

Sasuke had been Naruto’s lifeline. Coming along at a time when Naruto needed a distraction. That last year at college was almost Naruto’s undoing. What had started off as an impressive dash toward completing his bachelor's by eighteen turned into a struggle to finish by twenty.

Sure he was nowhere near as smart as Shika -with his genius I.Q. and boundless intellect, but Naruto didn’t let his own lack of genius stop him from working twice as hard to get to where he wanted to be by age seventeen. After losing his parents and being admitted to Serenity at the age of ten, once he was released and ready to face the world, Naruto had pushed himself harder than any of his doctors thought possible.

With limitless energy, he not only attended school, but enrolled in online courses, volunteered at the local Boy & Girls club during his free time, read every book about anything on psychology that he could get his hands on, and then effortlessly charmed Dr. Tsunade into introducing him to every professional she knew in the field.

Naruto stared into the darkness of his hotel room. Those memories were particularly hard to swallow at the moment and he flicked on the lights and instead thought about how it was his work with Sasuke that helped him forget those lost, broken dreams.

At seventeen he had been on top of the world and by nineteen, the booze had gotten out of control and his misguided relationship with Sakura was nearing its end. It was the friendship he formed with Sasuke that helped save Naruto from doing any permanent damage to his academic career, even if it did nothing to save his relationship with Sakura.

Not that he had been sad to see it end between them, he thought as he closed the hotel door and set his backpack and books onto the tiny kitchen table. The whole affair had been a fiasco from the start. What started as two friends seeking comfort ended up with her yelling at him over his indifference to her and Naruto walking away in search of more alcohol to numb his emotions before they could pipe up and tell her she was right.

By the time he quit drinking, brought on by his desire to give the twelve year old waiting on him the best Naruto had, he and Sakura were done. She took Naruto’s willingness to give up alcohol for the kid but not for her personal and packed up her hoodies, toothbrush and laptop. With a cold stare meant to mask the hurt, she wished him well in graduate school and walked out of his dorm room and his life.

Naruto pulled out his teacher’s edition and his lesson planner. He hadn’t intended to hurt her. Grabbing a few pencils and pens and his roll call sheet from his bag, he tried to shake off the feeling of dejavu. Had it really been four years?

He tugged laptop out of his bag and set it on the table, tossing his pack onto the bed.

The end of him and Sakura had been the beginning of a new chapter. Other than an occasional beer with Shika, Naruto left his whiskey bottle in his closet and focused all his energy on getting Sasuke to sit through therapy without erupting into violence.

An amused grin found its way onto Naruto’s face and he reflexively massaged the bridge of his nose. His attempt at re-channeling Sasuke’s aggression had nearly gotten him a busted beak during a sparring session in the Serenity gym. Naruto let out a laugh, slipped off his shoes and flexed his aching feet.

From the menagerie of origami figures Sasuke made after Naruto brought him an activity book, to the endless debates over whether or not art should be censored -Sasuke having pitched a fit at the implication that his eyes were too young for the renaissance exhibit at The Getty in Los Angeles -it was the kid’s talent and curiosity that had been the key. That untapped well, that hungry yet childlike awe at anything new, showed Naruto that the boy wasn’t ready to give up on the world and in turn Naruto never gave up on him.

Now in his hotel room, Naruto’s hand rested on the refrigerator door.

There was nothing he could do if Sasuke hated him. The whole situation had been out of his hands. It was the way the rules of the world worked. Sometimes they were in your favor… but more often than not, they weren’t. God knows how many times he thought about the kid over the years. Wondering if he was doing alright. If he was back at school. If he was happy.

Too much of what Naruto wasn’t prepared to face made him yank a beer out of his hotel room fridge. He turned back to the table and sat down in front of the work waiting for him. Whether or not Sasuke would drop the course was something Naruto would have to worry about later. Along with the unsettling tension at the thought that he might.

Not willing to give his emotions the opportunity to dissect that last thought, he opened his planner and textbook and took a drink, letting the crisp flavor of the beer fill his mouth before swallowing it down. Smacking his lips at the hoppy taste, he focused on Thursday’s lesson and shoved aside the image of the kid with dark brooding eyes who had once upon a time, saved his life.

 

* * *

 

The tiles on the ceiling of Sasuke’s room stared back at him.

Dinner with Shisui had been quiet. His cousin choosing to respect Sasuke’s mood by not mentioning Naruto’s visit even though the elephant in the room had pretty much taken a shit on the floor leaving the stench to burn their eyes and violate their noses.

If there was ever a medal for restraint, Shisui’d get the gold.

Now, two hours into trying to shut off his brain and fall asleep, the desire to say fuck it all and jump in his car and take off into the night made Sasuke’s bones itch. Over and over he tried counting the tiles overhead hoping it would help him fall asleep and keep the memories of Naruto and Serenity from engulfing his mind.

But his anger wouldn’t let go.

Naruto’s goodbye at the hospital. Sasuke storming off without saying a word. The nights he boasted to no one but himself that at least he hadn’t given the asshole so much as a look goodbye... and the later nights when he regretted the very same thing.

When the blue of Naruto’s eyes flashed in his mind, peace and pain battled within Sasuke.

Forget the therapy sessions and the lame concerns and sympathies voiced by the staff and then later by teachers, it had been Naruto’s simple offer of friendship that made the difference back then. What could have possibly mattered to a boy who lost everything? Who the fuck had the right to tell him they were sorry or that everything happens for a reason?

Sasuke’s fists tightened around his blanket.

No one at the center knew what the fuck they were talking about. There was no meaning to life. Life just was. Without promise, fairness. Life didn’t give a fuck if one twelve year old boy had his heart ripped out by the powers that be and none of those over-educated pricks at Serenity understood that better than Naruto Uzumaki.

Naruto never once tried to dismiss his pain as something that could be rationally explained. He didn’t make up ridiculous sayings of comfort meant to shield Sasuke from the cruel reality that sometimes fucked up shit happens, and there wasn’t a goddamn thing you or anyone could do to stop it.

Sasuke’s anger seized the reins and thrust him straight into the bitter injustice of Naruto’s goodbye. It was as if life was nothing more than singular plot against Sasuke to forever learn that it was simply not in his destiny to get to hold onto anything for long.

Screw Serenity’s policies. Naruto could have sent a message, a single note telling him why he couldn’t reach out, why he had to stay away. Sasuke would have respected that.   

The sting to his eyes betrayed his thoughts and Sasuke slammed a fist down into his mattress. There was no way he’d let that asshole make him cry twice. He wasn’t some pathetic little kid hiding under the covers still afraid of the dark.

Sasuke rolled over and pulled his blanket over his shoulder, tucking it under his chin.

Those days he spent hiding in the dark trying to stay warm in strange garages and dog houses, Sasuke hadn’t been able to discern the difference between his love and his pain. He loved his parents. He loved his brother.

Sasuke squeezed his eyes shut.

His mother’s hugs. His brother’s voice. Even his father’s gruff chiding over the note from Sasuke’s science teacher regarding his refusal to participate in group project because, in Sasuke’s words, "there were “too many girls” in the group.

Why couldn’t he forget the way Itachi smiled when Sasuke made a face at his brother’s insistence that one day he might not find girls so annoying.

_“And, Sasuke, it’s okay if you don’t. Not everyone likes the same thing. Do you understand?”_

Rolling in his bed and onto his back, Sasuke’s eyes shot open and he blinked again and again, frantically trying to keep the tears contained. He hadn’t understood Itachi’s meaning, not then.

A gentle pair of blue eyes staring at Sasuke from across his kitchen table floated into his mind and Sasuke scrunched his face.

No. He wasn’t ready to forgive him. Sasuke had put his faith and trust into Naruto only to be swindled by love once again. He didn’t care if that asshole thought he hated him.

A warm flare coursed through Sasuke’s chest and he paused at the thought, but shook his head against the guilt trying to form.

Right now he needed to sleep. He pulled the comforter tighter around him and turned back onto his side.

_I should keep the class._

Even with sleep finally pulling him in, Sasuke smirked at the thought.

Showing up to class everyday to unload the worst guilt trip of Naruto’s life would serve that interfering prick right. Sasuke’s grin grew as he thought of all the ways he could pay the asshole back. Halfway through a plan to squeeze an easy A out of his new professor, he finally drifted off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

“Don’t forget to check the syllabus for the reading that needs to be done by Tuesday and which chapter review questions will be due!”

Naruto looked out at his class. The flurry of bags being grabbed, paper being shoved into folders, wrinkled and without concern, while a few of them scribbled down notes and others ignored him completely. Getting used to the casual disregard most college kids had for adults was something Naruto would have to work on, he thought and shrugged.

Chairs and desks scraping against the linoleum floor were the only responses to Naruto’s instructions and in all the chaos, he let his eyes find Sasuke. The tense twist in his gut pulled as Naruto watched him stowe away his book and binder in his backpack.

When Naruto spotted him at the beginning of class, he braced himself for another outburst. Positive that Sasuke only showed up to make some kind of scene that would inevitably lead to Naruto being fired. But the dark-haired kid sat quietly the whole lecture and even took notes.

Sasuke’s attention piqued when Naruto began discussing psychology and the criminal justice system and Naruto had to fight to keep his focus on the entire class and not conduct the lecture solely for Sasuke.

The same curious intellect Naruto remembered from their days together at Serenity still flowed from the now sixteen year old sitting in his classroom. Naruto smiled at his attentiveness then quickly looked away to engage the rest of the class. It was all he could do to not fall back into the role of mentor. The need to feed Sasuke’s inquisitiveness. To offer what he could to help Sasuke keep the pull of darkness at bay.

Naruto jerked out of his thoughts and dropped his gaze down to his paperwork. Those days were long gone.

His bottom lip again found its way in between his teeth and Naruto began to chew on it. Sasuke’s eagerness during the lecture hadn’t been the only thing he noticed.

Sasuke’s quick glances. The half-hard glares followed by blank faced tilts of the head. Naruto caught them all during his near hour long lecture and the suspicion of being plotted against kept creeping into his thoughts.

A nervous chuckle bubbled up from Naruto’s throat and he rolled his eyes as he reached for his attendance sheet. Ridiculous, he thought.

He opened his laptop and shook his head. The two of  them were merely falling into their old habits. Naruto offering up edification for Sasuke’s intense scrutiny. Nothing more.

What had really been amusing was Sasuke’s complete lack of awareness regarding the attention he was receiving from the females in the class. Several times Naruto caught the girls, one by one, sliding their eyes to where the brooding sixteen year old sat.

At his desk, Naruto logged into the university portal and smiled. Nothing had changed.

Sasuke’s very being still pulsed with allurement. It’d been that way since the day Naruto first saw him covered in dumpster grime. From the staff at Serenity to the kids on campus, sooner or later they all found themselves staring at the small boy with blazing eyes and dark stoic features. Nevermind Sasuke’s porcelain skin that offset his jet black hair, it was Sasuke’s very demeanor that seem to grab the attention of every girl who laid eyes on him.

Naruto looked up at his now almost empty classroom save for two remaining students.

Sasuke was still at his desk, standing and typing on his phone. At the far end of the classroom, Naruto watched as a young blond student stopped to rummage through his pack right before his grey-blue eyes flicked up to settle on Sasuke.

_Smooth._

After getting an eyeful, the blond kid walked out.

Guess it’s not just the girls who notice, Naruto thought and then creased his brows at the weird knot that tightened inside his stomach. Running a hand through his hair, he turned back to his roll call sheet and started entering attendance.

“Here.”

Naruto looked up to see Sasuke standing in front of him.

“What’s this?” Naruto took the papers and saw Sasuke had already completed next week’s assignment.

Naruto smiled at him. “Did you already finish the entire syllabus?”

“Almost.”

Still holding the assignment in his hand, Naruto leaned back in his chair. “Thanks for coming back. Though, I have to admit, when I saw you I thought you were gonna tell me off again.”

“Why would I do that?” Sasuke stared blankly at him.

“No idea.” Naruto let out a laugh. “It’s great to see you, Sasuke. Honest.”

“Whatever. The only reason I stayed after was to see if you were offering any extra credit for the course.”

Naruto bit the inside of his cheek to keep from flinching at Sasuke’s hard tone. “Uh, well, I don’t have anything yet but I promise to have something for ya by next class on Tuesday.”

“Mind if I get that in writing? Your track record for keeping your word isn’t exactly stellar,” Sasuke shot back.

This time Naruto did flinch. He leaned forward not wanting to back down from the charge.

“Sasuke, I was honest with you from day one. You knew I was leaving for school. I never lied to you.”

“Yes you did!” Sasuke flung back. “I had no idea you were gonna just disappear! Take off and never speak to me again!”

Naruto stood up, his body tense and eyes furrowed in concern over Sasuke’s emotions spilling out uncontrolled.

“Sasuke…”

“I thought you cared!”

“I did!”

The look on Sasuke’s face dropped. The fight in him instantly draining from his posture and he took a step back.

Naruto winced. “I meant, I _do_.”

“Fuck off.” Sasuke spun around and headed for the door.

“Sasuke wait! Please, talk to me!”

“Fool me once,” Sasuke said. Not slowing or looking back, he walked out.

Naruto stared at the empty doorway.

This is what had kept him up all those nights when he first left Serenity. The understanding that with his departure from the center would come Sasuke’s hatred for severing their ties. Back then Naruto tried to convince himself it was for the best. The doctors, Shika, research and experience all told him that it for Sasuke’s well-being. A clean cut. Not just for Sasuke’s sake but for Naruto’s as well.

Slowly, Naruto started to pack his things. He could enter attendance back in his hotel room where there were a few beers waiting to help ease the ache in his head. Right now he wanted be alone.

When his old friend Kakashi Hatake asked him for a favor, Naruto thought it’d be fun to try out his new teacher’s certification. Apparently Kakashi and the Dean were tight and so he’d been able to fast track Naruto’s approval to fill in. All that was left was to pack his bags and drive down from Santa Barbara. Naruto had been looking forward to getting away. Reminding himself that there was no better sunshine than Los Angeles sunshine. Getting to layout at the beach in the middle of September in 80 degree weather was his kind of heaven, though now he was beginning to see his current situation as his own personal hell.

Naruto sighed, zipped his backpack up and grabbed his laptop case. Maybe he’d pick up some dinner on the way. Something greasy and delicious. Over-indulge a little this weekend and see if he could find a way to pick up the pieces from this Sasuke fiasco. Flicking off the classroom lights, he locked the door and started across the campus toward his car.

 

* * *

 

Sasuke turned the key and tried again. The car engine rolled and chugged but wouldn’t catch. He pumped the gas pedal -but not too much, just like Shisui had taught him. Again he turned, pumped and hoped.

Nothing.

“Fuck!” Sasuke punched the steering wheel and shouted out in pain. His knuckles were still sensitive from the last time he lost his temper and he rubbed his hands over the bruises, then yanked the key out of the ignition.

Just fucking great.

As if the weirded out looks he got from Naruto during class weren’t enough, now this. And what the fuck was that shit anyway? Caught not once or twice, but several times staring at his old mentor while he should’ve been completing the Myers Briggs handout.

Sasuke slumped into his seat. It had to be some sort of glitch. A leftover reflex from his Serenity days.

There was no other explanation. Hadn’t it been Naruto’s voice, his face, his goddamn easy smile that comforted Sasuke back then?

So sitting in class listening to the man ramble on and on about psychology and its applications and giving in to the soothing cadence of his words was nothing more than some Pavlovian response. Right?

Sasuke frowned. Why didn’t he just drop the class like he planned?

A slight pain in his hand made him look down and notice the death grip he had around his car keys. Opening his palm, he stared at the indentations on his skin.

“Whatever,” he said to himself and reached over to the passenger seat, hurriedly stuffing his sunglasses, a spare hoodie and anything else he didn’t want sitting in his car overnight, into his bag.

If he got his ass in gear, he might be able to catch a bus home, but without triple A he was probably going to get a ticket for parking overnight in the campus lot. Or towed, he thought and felt his irritation shift into hard anxiety.

Scowling, Sasuke grabbed his backpack and got out, slamming his door loud.

“They let you drive at sixteen?”

Sasuke’s head snapped up. Naruto was walking straight towards him. _Shit._

“What the fuck do you care?” Sasuke turned back to his car and pushed the key fob to lock the car and set the alarm.

“I heard a car engine fighting for life and came over to see if I could help. I can call triple A if -”

“I don’t have triple A and I don’t need your help.”

Sasuke didn’t look up and moved to walk around Naruto but his teacher moved into his path, blocking him.

“Here.” Naruto pulled something from his laptop bag and held it out to Sasuke.

“Put my teacher’s permit on your dash so they won’t tow you. I can give you a lift home and bring you back in the morning.”

Ignoring Naruto’s outstretched hand, Sasuke slipped on his backpack and turned to leave but Naruto shoved the permit into Sasuke’s hand.

“If you want to hate me, hate me. But don’t let it get in the way of your goals. If you lose your car, you won’t be able to get to school.”

Sasuke stared down at the permit.

“Don’t let your pride ruin what you’ve worked for, Sasuke.” Eyes still angry, Sasuke looked up and saw blue eyes dim.

“You got the rest of your life to hate me,” Naruto said in a softer tone and tugged at the strap of his shoulder bag.

“Go on. Put it on your dash and I’ll give you a lift home.”

“Fine,” Sasuke mumbled and unlocked his car.

*

Minutes later they were sitting in Naruto’s bright orange Prius and pulling out of the parking lot. Sasuke entered his address into the dashboard GPS and Naruto squinted at the screen, trying to make sure he didn’t get lost.

“Well,” Naruto breathed out. “You okay with a small detour? I’m starving, how ‘bout you?”

Sasuke didn’t answer. There was too much of Naruto everywhere. The voice. The smells. Everything from those old days slammed into all his senses, threatening to drown him right where he sat.

“Ya know, the best thing about you not speaking to me is, I can completely ignore what you might want for what I want, and what I want is a cheeseburger.”

Naruto made a right turn and flipped on the radio. “Wanna hear some music?”

Not wanting Naruto to hear him struggle against the way his lungs were seizing, Sasuke remained silent.

“Good. Music it is,” Naruto said and turned up the volume; Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen suddenly screaming out of the speakers.

With his peripheral vision, Sasuke watched Naruto bang his head to the song and slowly, he turned away to look out the passenger window, rolling his eyes just as Naruto started to sing.

“Look up to the skies and seeeeeee!”

_Kill me._

It was too much. Too many memories and too much Naruto. How could this goofy idiot still have this effect on Sasuke? His ridiculous choice of music and oh God, Sasuke had forgotten about the singing.

And cheeseburgers? The asshole knew they were Sasuke’s favorite.

All the same tricks.

Well, fuck him, Sasuke thought and dug in harder, reminding himself that he was an adult now and could no longer be manipulated by cheap humor and fast food.

When they pulled into the burger joint drive-thru, Naruto lowered the music and ordered for the both of them. Two cheeseburger. No onions and extra tomatoes for Sasuke.

_He remembered._

“If you don’t wanna eat it, I’ll just save it for later. Gotta stay up late to finish up some paperwork anyway.”

But Sasuke didn’t budge.

“Ya know I thought about breaking the rules about a billion times,” Naruto said, clearing his throat.

Sasuke heard him take a sip from the milkshake he ordered.

“I’d sit in class at grad school and wonder if you were alright. I even called Shikamaru once…”

A small catch in Naruto’s voice made Sasuke shift his head a fraction.

“...but all he would tell me was that you were doing fine and that I shouldn’t call anymore.”

Finally Sasuke turned, but instead of looking at Naruto he stared straight out the windshield.

“But you’re right. I could’ve broken the rules and sent you an email or called but it wouldn’t have been right, Sasuke.”

Naruto let out a long sigh.

“Believe it or not, people take these things seriously.”

Sasuke considered Naruto’s words and let his scowl soften a bit. He heard the car blinker go off and watched the world outside the windshield sway to the right.

“But I’m still sorry. I mean it. I’d give anything if the rules had been different but those sorts of restrictions are set up that way for a reason,” Naruto said and took another sip of his shake.

“They afraid you’re gonna try and fuck me?”

Naruto coughed and spat out some of his shake onto his steering wheel.

“Jesus, Sasuke!”

Sasuke gave in and looked at Naruto, who shot him a wide eyed glance, then turned back to watch the road.

Placing his drink back in the cup holder, Naruto used his sleeve to wipe up the spittle.

“I forgot how funny you are.” Naruto deadpanned.

Sasuke forced himself not to smirk.

“Shit,” Naruto mumbled and pulled a hand off his steering wheel and made a face at the sticky mess, then wiped his hand on his jeans.

“Well, not to get too graphic but, yes, Sasuke… usually rules like that exist because something happened to necessitate said rules.” Naruto said and made another left turn.

“You’re far from stupid. I’m sure you already thought of this.”

“Not at first,” Sasuke answered. “Then later, I thought maybe Serenity had rules about… that sort of thing.”

“Then why -”

“I’m pissed because it hurt.” Sasuke stared at Naruto until his teacher looked over at him.

Naruto nodded gently in agreement then went back to driving.

Sasuke watched Naruto lick at the drops of vanilla shake still on lips and quickly turned away.

They drove the rest of the way in silence until Naruto finally pulled up at Sasuke’s house.

“Here. Take the burger and if it’s alright, I can give you a lift to school tomorrow. Maybe take a look at your car. See if we can get it running. I got a friend who -”

“You don’t have to do that,” Sasuke said, his voice barely audible.

“I know but -”

“Naruto…”

“Alright, fuck. I feel guilty okay? You win! I feel like a fucking asshole.” Naruto slammed his hands down on the steering wheel then put his car in park and turned off the engine.

“I’m not asking you to forgive me, okay? I just… just let me help you stay in school.” He turned in his seat so his whole body faced Sasuke.

“After that you can go on hating me.”

Sasuke’s hand gripped the car door handle. He stared at his finger playing with the silver release lever, the metal cold to the touch.

“Shisui’s actually pretty good with cars,” he finally said and looked down in contemplation.

“He can take me tomorrow and check out the engine.”

Then quick as a flash, Sasuke grabbed his backpack and took the hamburger bag from Naruto.

“And I don’t hate you,” he mumbled then bolted from the car.

Naruto opened his mouth but Sasuke was already gone; car door slamming behind him.

Not bothering to look back, Sasuke didn’t see the bright blue eyes watching him or the small gentle smile on his old mentor’s face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I do not own the Naruto characters and receive no money for this story-
> 
> **Please forgive any and all fuck ups as I had no beta for this fic**
> 
> Author’s Note: If you’re back, thank you so much for giving this fic a chance. I’m always reluctant to do slow burns because I feel like I might be boring my audience. My Bae assures me that character development is a good thing so I hope I’m at least succeeding at that. We got a lot to cover between these two but I don’t want this fic to end up like Bound To You with 16-24k worded chapters. So I’m gonna do my best to keep things simple. I also wanna thank you all for the kind comments and let you know I won’t be responding to any of them in this fic. I updated my AO3 profile letting readers know that other than Kizu, I’m going to try and stay out of the comment section from now on. I hope you understand. As always I am very grateful for every kind word. However, after my last fic, I found that keeping a distance is better for me, especially if I want to keep trying to write. Again. I hope you understand.  
> Love and blessings,  
> Tandy.


	3. Conversations Kill

_“I could've been a hero, I could've been a zero_

_Could've been all these things..."_ _\- Hero, Lissie_

 

* * *

 

The front door closed gently. Sasuke’s hand flat against it in an attempt to silence the sound of the latch catching so as not to alert his cousin. A quick spin from where he stood helped slide his backpack from his shoulder and fling it to the couch before then turning his full attention to the take-out bag and the delicious smell coming from within it.

“Did you crash the car?”

Sasuke froze. He’d hoped Shisui would be in his room. No such luck.

“I didn’t hear your car chugging into the driveway,” Shisui said from somewhere inside the kitchen.

“No,” Sasuke answered into the empty living room. With a disappointed twitch of his mouth, he left the burger in the bag and went to the kitchen. “It wouldn’t start. Naruto drove me home.”

As he stepped through the narrow entrance, he saw Shisui at the sink, water running, plate in hand.

His cousin leaned against the counter. “We can go take a look at it now. Save us from having to get up early tomorrow to do it before you have to get to school.” Shisui looked down at the Burger Joint bag in Sasuke’s hand. “You can eat your food on the way.”

“What about you? Aren’t you tired from work?” Sasuke steeled his face not wanting his cousin to see his concern.

“I run code all day long.” Shisui turned back to the sink and shut off the water. “It’s nice to get out and under a hood once in a while,” he said, then turned back to face sasuke and smiled. “I’ll grab my tools and meet you in my car.”

*

Sasuke snapped on his seat belt just as Shisui climbed into the driver’s side of his truck.

“So,” Shisui said as he pulled out of the driveway. “Does this mean you’re speaking to Naruto again?”

Silence from Sasuke. Instead, he opened the take out bag and took out the burger. God, how the damn thing had smelled on the ride back with Naruto. At one point he thought he might actually drool on himself.

“Naruto cares about you, Sasuke. He didn’t con you or betray you.” Shisui merged onto the freeway and headed west. “If anything you should appreciate the fact that he didn’t use his relationship with you to get you to lie for him. Which is what you would’ve done had he broken the rules.”

“I know,” Sasuke said and took another bite of the hamburger.

“Then what’s going on? Why are you so angry with him?”

Shisui didn’t look at him. This was one of those things Sasuke liked about his cousin. Shisui never threw him judgemental stares meant to guilt Sasuke into responding. He took his time with things. Like leaving the door to his room open after he and Sasuke had an argument or not pestering Sasuke to talk if he didn’t feel like it. _Whenever you’re ready,_ his actions said, and it made Sasuke feel like his cousin was always in tune with the speed Sasuke was comfortable taking.

“When Shikamaru called,” Shisui continued, “He told me about what happened at the college and I called Naruto and invited him over, thinking it would be good for you to hear his side of things.”

Sasuke swallowed his bite and suddenly wished he’d gotten Naruto to order him a milkshake to wash it down.  

“I remembered how hard that first year out of Serenity had been for you with the nightmares and -”

Sasuke stopped eating. His dark eyes flashed at his cousin. “Did you tell Naruto about that?”

“No, I didn’t. But Sasuke...”

Sasuke’s heart was pounding. He set the rest of his burger back in the bag, his appetite suddenly gone.

“I bring this up because trying to build a friendship with Naruto is not a good idea. You’re no longer at the hospital but you’re still a minor.” Shisui put on his blinker and exited the freeway. “Naruto’s twenty-three. I don’t have to tell you that after-school rides and getting dinner together won’t look good to school officials.”

“That’s fucking ridiculous. Naruto’s never -”

“I know,” Shisui cut in. “It doesn’t take a genius to see what kind of man he is. But I also know _you._ Anytime someone tells you, you can’t do something, you try all the harder to do it.”

The nerves in Sasuke’s stomach began to twist. He knew what his cousin was getting at and with Shisui’s words, the part of him that was angry at still being thought of as a child that needed protecting was losing out over his sudden embarrassment.  

Sasuke wouldn’t deny -at least to himself- that when he was twelve he would imagine what it would be like if it was Naruto who petitioned for custody instead of Shisui. But those had only been childhood fantasies. Stupid dreams of a little boy who lost his whole family in one night and wanted nothing more than someone to come and rescue him from his nightmares.

Just because he told the asshole he didn’t hate him and took the goddamn hamburger didn’t mean he forgave him. Sasuke wasn’t a twelve year old kid anymore.

“I know Naruto’s a good man,” Shisui said. “No matter what happened after he left Serenity, he helped you while he could and I’m grateful to him for that.” Shisui pulled into the college parking lot and motioned to Sasuke with his hand.

“Left,” Sasuke instructed and his cousin nodded.

“So whatever the reason why you were angry with him, or why you decided to forgive him, try and remember how much of a risk being your friend is for him.” Shisui spotted the old Toyota and pulled up next to it. He turned off the engine but continued to stare out the windshield, not looking at Sasuke.

“Naruto feels so much guilt over the way things ended that he’d do anything to make up for it. Yes, he was the one who signed that contract but you’re the one I’m worried about keeping to the rules.”

Sasuke kept his eyes downward.

“I know you’ve suffered, Sasuke but something tells me Naruto’s been through a lot too. Be careful before you make any demands of him.”

The warmth in Sasuke’s cheeks kept him from lifting his gaze. Shisui always saw more than Sasuke was willing to voice just like...

A light pang echoed in Sasuke’s chest as the memory of his brother wafted through his mind. Quickly, he turned his head and stared out the passenger window, hoping… praying the tears wouldn’t come.

“Go ahead and finish your food. You can help me outside when you’re done, okay?” Shisui held out his hand and Sasuke placed the Toyota car keys in his cousin’s palm.

Shisui then reached under the steering column, popped the hood and stepped out of the truck.

Sasuke sat quietly in his seat, anxiously waiting for denial to seize upon his cousin’s words and drown them. A few more minutes and he’d be able to exit the truck cab and help his cousin bring Sasuke’s half-dead Toyota back to life.

 

* * *

 

“Does that look on your face mean you forgot about the extra credit?”

Naruto snapped his head up from his paperwork to find Sasuke staring blankly down at him. A quick scan around the classroom made Naruto realize he’d simply tuned everyone out once he dismissed class. The screeching of desk chairs and shuffling feet were over and done and only he and Sasuke remained.

“The weekend fry your brain?” Sasuke asked with no small amount of sarcasm in his tone.

“Hey, uh, no. I didn’t forget.” Naruto grabbed his binders and one by one set them aside until he found the one he wanted. “Uuh… I came up with a project you could do.” Naruto flipped through the sheets and pulled out the paper he was looking for.

“Here’s your parking permit.” Sasuke handed it to him.

“Thanks for remembering,” Naruto said with a smile and tucked it into his teacher’s edition. “I hope the car situation was solved.”

“It was.”

“Good good. Alright, here ya go. I uploaded the information to the portal so anyone in class can access it, but I made a copy for you just in case you asked.” Naruto handed Sasuke a thin pack of several sheets of paper. “Find and interview a mental health professional. Create a list of questions to ask that will support your thesis for the paper you’ll write about the specific field they work in and why you picked them.”

“How many points?” Sasuke asked, still scanning the paper for all the details.

“Twenty-five.”

Sasuke flicked his eyes up at his teacher.

“Heh, I thought you’d like the sound of that,” Naruto said. “After you asked about extra credit, I went over my roster. It’s only been two weeks and already a few kids are missing assignments. This might help them get back on track if they need it.”

“Are there any restrictions?”

Naruto leaned back in his chair. “Nope. If you want to contact someone from Serenity, you can. There are several interns and counselors there who’d be happy to help.”

“I want to interview you.”

“What?” The color drained from Naruto’s face.

“You said there are no restrictions.” Sasuke’s face stayed stoically blank.

“I’m not a mental health professional,” Naruto said. He didn’t know why he was suddenly nervous about Sasuke’s interest in interviewing him and worked to keep his voice casual.

“You were once,” Sasuke replied.

“Sasuke, I’m not in the mental health field and you know it. You can interview Dr. Tsunade or Dr. Nara as well. Did you know Dr. Nara was a Rhodes Scholar?”

“You know I don’t give a shit about that,” Sasuke said.

Again, Naruto noted the tingling of nerves humming throughout his body that told him something about Sasuke’s behavior was off.

 _“You_ were my mentor,” Sasuke continued. “And from what I’ve been able to research online, being a mentor at Serenity by age eighteen would’ve required extensive psychology or pre-med courses, including developmental psychology and maybe hard science classes.”

Naruto stared mouth open. He blinked in shock, then snapped his mouth shut. The nervous strings suddenly began to shout.

“I guess you did your research,” Naruto said and a weak laugh left his throat. “Yes, at the time I had completed enough courses to get several recommendations that opened the door for my internship at the center.”

He leaned forward and motioned for Sasuke to take a seat.

Sasuke turned, spotted a chair then dragged it to the front of Naruto’s desk. Once seated Naruto ran a hand through his hair and gave Sasuke an easy smile.

“I didn’t apply to medical school. I took my degree and went to graduate school so I could do this.” Naruto held out his hands signifying the classroom they were sitting in.

“In psychology,” Sasuke argued.

“Yes, but I teach. I don’t work in the mental health profession. I’m not a clinical psychologist. I’m a teacher.”

“So?” Sasuke challenged.

“The extra credit should be done with someone who is actually working in the field of psychology like a clinical psychologist. I can even widen the assignment to include forensic psychology if you’d like,” Naruto added hoping to peak Sasuke’s interest.

A small flick of Sasuke’s brow was his only response to Naruto’s offer. Resisting the urge to question why Sasuke was so insistent, Naruto instead let himself ease into his old role of mentor and listener. Seeing another question brewing behind Sasuke’s eyes, he waited.

“You don’t think teaching psychology is equivalent to working in the field of psychology?”

A loud twang of his nerves reverberated through him. The kid always knew how to dig into Naruto.

Not wanting to go down that road, Naruto switched tactics.

“Are you interested in becoming a psychology professor?” He asked.

“Maybe,” Sasuke answered. “Isn’t that enough?”

“Sasuke -”

“Are you afraid of talking to me?”

“I’m talking to you now.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Are you afraid of answering my questions?”

Naruto forced himself to again relax back into his chair. “No.”

“Then what’s the -”

“Given our history, I think it would be inappropriate.”

“Why?”

Naruto saw the immediate scowl that formed on Sasuke’s face and proceeded with caution. “As your mentor, I had to draw a line between personal and professional. You were free to talk about whatever you wanted and I was there to listen. But any discussion about my personal life was off-limits. I know you remember the rules.”

Sasuke didn’t answer. Waiting for Naruto to get to the point, written all over his face.

“Your insistence at wanting me to be the subject of your extra credit assignment has me questioning your intentions.”

Sasuke opened his mouth to protest but Naruto held up his hand.

“It’s a valid assumption,” he countered. “What are you after, Sasuke?”

Naruto watched Sasuke’s jaw flex. He didn’t pull his eyes away but narrowed them slightly, considering perhaps whether or not to fess up or try another angle. Naruto waited.

“What if I promised not to ask you anything personal?”

“I’d rather you just be honest,” Naruto said.

Sasuke let out a small huff through his nose and a crease formed between his brows. “Don’t do that.”

Naruto tilted his head. “Do what?”

“Act like you’re still my mentor. I’m not a kid anymore, Naruto. You can talk to me like an adult.”

“I didn’t -”

“Or at least like a friend,” Sasuke said, the words rushing out of him. Sasuke looked away and Naruto noticed the way his entire body sat tense in the chair.

“I’m sorry, Sasuke. I didn’t mean to make you feel like a child.”

Sasuke faced him again. “Unless you don’t want to be friends.”

“That’s not… Sasuke…” Inside Naruto, warning bells sounded. He knew a guilt trip when he smelled one and it was clear Sasuke’s comment was meant to sting. Fighting the panic in him to not say the wrong thing, Naruto decided to take Sasuke up on his offer.

“If you want me to treat you like an adult then I would appreciate you playing by the same rules and ease up on the guilt trips.”

Immediately Sasuke looked down.

“Of course I want us to be friends,” Naruto went on. “As an adult, you know the position I’m in. Most of the kids in my class are eighteen or older. You’re not.”

Sasuke lifted his head and stared at his teacher. Naruto saw Sasuke’s throat swallow nervously.

“My apprehension has nothing to do with not wanting to be your friend. Do I really need to again explain why?”

“No,” Sasuke said in a low voice.

Naruto let out a long sigh and shifted in his chair. “How about this, you get permission from your cousin and I’ll agree to the interview.”

Sasuke sat up in attention but before he could say a word, Naruto cut him off again.

“No exceptions, Sasuke. I’m not your mentor anymore but I’m still your professor and this is my final decision on the matter. Take it or leave it.”

Naruto waited. Each twitch and flex playing on Sasuke’s face told Naruto that the teenager was deliberating. Running through each rebuttal and argument in his mind until he was satisfied that there was no other option but to give in.

Nothing had changed since Serenity, and it was hard not smiling at Sasuke’s familiar meticulous nature. Naruto had admired it then and admired it still. But admiration or not, Naruto couldn’t help but brace himself for Sasuke’s trademark temperamental pout that would now be surely coming his way.

Without warning, Sasuke suddenly stood up. He returned his chair to the table where he found it and then walked back to the desk where Naruto sat waiting for his answer.

“Thank you.” Sasuke looked directly at Naruto and held out his hand.

In momentary shock Naruto only stared back. Sasuke’s face was unreadable and Naruto knew every nuance the kid had in his arsenal. A quick smile sprouted on Naruto’s face. He stood up as well and grasped Sasuke’s hand in a firm shake.

“I appreciate you giving me the chance.” Sasuke returned the strong grip then let go.

“You’re welcome,” Naruto said, not able to hide the surprise in his voice.

“Talk to Shisui and if he gives his okay, I’ll set up a time for us to meet.”

“Deal.” Sasuke turned, picked his backpack up from the floor and left the classroom.

Still standing at his desk, Naruto’s hands found their way onto his hips and he stood there shocked and contemplating Sasuke’s calm and reasonable manner - then wondered if he made the right decision.

 

* * *

 

Sasuke didn’t understand. He stared down at his math book and paper, strategically placed to give the impression he’d been studying at the kitchen table rather than his room, and frowned. He knew he was getting more and more angry at the way he couldn’t stop glancing at the microwave clock. What he didn’t understand was why he kept doing it.

Yes, he was waiting for Shisui to come home. Yes, he made up his mind to talk to him about the deal he’d made with Naruto for his extra credit assignment. So what the fuck was he so nervous about?

It was just another homework project. Naruto was the one who was making a big deal out of the two of them talking. Naruto and his damn Serenity Center rules. Why were people assuming Naruto was some kind of deviant? Even his own cousin warned him against pursuing someone older, practically calling Sasuke’s and Naruto’s friendship a sex crime waiting to happen. Why was everyone so concerned with Sasuke’s virginity?

He shot another look at the kitchen clocked and cursed.

Anger was building. It made no sense to have to get permission just talk to Naruto. They’d been friends before and had managed to spend that time together without engaging in any fervent desire to sexualize their relationship.

For fucks sake, Sasuke was twelve when they met. If there was any truth to suspicions that Naruto might be pedophilic, wouldn’t it have made sense for him act on it then? _Pedophilia: Recurrent sexual desires/fantasies with a prepubescent child._ Sasuke looked it up.

In fact, Sasuke had spent hours researching online. First, he scoured the net for how a person becomes a mentor at Serenity. He searched for Naruto’s school transcripts. Local articles about the orphan kid who against all odds graduated high school at the age of sixteen. Then after finally giving up on ever receiving any sort of contact from his one-time mentor, Sasuke Googled everything he could about psychiatry and treatment, trying to find out why the clinic may have kept Naruto from Sasuke intentionally.

Like all other times Sasuke’s curiosity fueled his determination, he spent weeks reading psychology journals at the local library and searching the net for anything that would point to Naruto’s personality or behavior being something other than normal. Something that would justify the clinic’s rules. He read through hundreds of sites and scientific essays looking for anything that would help him find fault in his old mentor. A defect or flaw in character. Any reason that would allow Sasuke to deepen his anger at the man who ditched him.

But there had been nothing. Not a single shred of proof to justify the warnings or the contracts or the insistence that Sasuke was too stupid to understand the threat Naruto posed.

7:47 p.m.

Sasuke clenched his jaw and balled his fists. This shit was getting ridiculous.

This anxiety wouldn’t do, he thought. It’d tip off Shisui that something was wrong if he saw Sasuke behaving this way.

_What was there to be anxious about, anyway?_

Sasuke took a deep breath and flipped open his high school math book to chapter 22. He picked up his pencil and his other hand tracked the calculus problems on the page with his index finger smoothing over the glossy page as he went.

With each solution, Sasuke’s anxiety calmed. Math and honors physics were all that stood between him and early graduation. Come spring, he’d be a fulltime student at Cal State.

Sasuke smirked. Maybe if he pushed, he could beat Naruto’s record. He was definitely smarter than the idiot. Sasuke’s grin grew.

The sound of keys at the front door snapped him out of his thoughts and instantly his stomach flipped. Sasuke’s scowl at the sensation couldn’t have been more ill-timed as that was when Shisui entered the kitchen and stopped in his tracks with obvious concern pressed into his features at the sight of Sasuke’s deep frown.

“Sasuke?”

Now doubly irritated, Sasuke had to fight against wanting to throw his pencil across the kitchen and rage quit by flipping the entire table over in frustration.

“Is everything alright?” Shisui set his messenger bag down and placed his keys on the kitchen counter.

“Calculus,” Sasuke said and the corner of his mouth quirked up.

Shisui nodded but didn’t smile back. “Need help?”

“I got it.” Sasuke pulled his shoulders back and settled into his chair, his math book suddenly the most interesting thing in the world as pretended not to notice the way his cousin moved carefully into the kitchen.

Why was this so hard? Why did knowing his cousin was eyeing him with suspicion make his bones itch? Blinking through the discomfort, Sasuke refocused. Calculus. Chapter 22.

He didn’t have to ask Shisui right now. It could wait.

“I got dinner tonight. Chicken and rice okay?”

Sasuke didn’t look up from his book. “Sure.”

The quiet in the kitchen stretched. Sasuke knew his attempt at nonchalance was easily seen through by his cousin but he couldn’t bring himself to meet Shisui’s eyes. Then, just when Sasuke felt the last string of his patience snap, the sound of his cousin’s soft footsteps leading out of the kitchen filled the silence. Some of the tension in Sasuke’s back relaxed.

The frown returned to Sasuke’s face. This was stupid. There was no point in delaying what had to be done. Sasuke’d done nothing wrong. Right?

Sickened by his fear, Sasuke got up from the table and walked out of the kitchen. If ever asked, he would deny the fact that each foot felt heavy and slow as he walked down the hall to Shisui’s bedroom. He’d also never admit to the sweat now slicking up his palms. No, Sasuke was _absolutely not_ nervous.

Sasuke went to knock on the closed door and his hand froze.

“Is that you, Sasuke?”

Surprise gripped him. _How does Shisui always know?_

“Yeah. You busy?” Sasuke stared at the cracked white paint on the door in front of his face and tried to get a grip.

“You can come in.”

Snapping out of his stupor, Sasuke lowered his hand and went for the doorknob. The room was low lit and when the door widened, Sasuke saw Shisui sitting at his computer. “You’re working.”

“Nope.” Shisui swiveled in his chair and faced his younger cousin. “I was looking up hotel rooms.”

“Your Vegas trip.”

“Yup,” Shisui answered. “So what’s up? Car giving you trouble again?”

“It’s been running fine,” Sasuke said. He stood for a moment and then blinked when he realized Shisui was waiting on him. “I wanted to talk to you about a school project.”

“Need cash for materials?”

“No, it’s not that.” Sasuke leaned against the doorframe. “It’s for psych class. We’re supposed to interview someone in the mental health field then write a paper about why we chose that particular field, etcetera.”

Shisui sat unmoved. Sasuke swallowed, knowing his cousin’s patience was because Shisui already sensed there was more to the conversation.

“I talked with Naruto about interviewing him and he said I had to get your permission before he would agree.” Sasuke held his breath. He did his best not to move or give away the slightest movement as he waited for Shisui’s response.

“I see.” Shisui leaned back and crossed his legs. “Did Naruto mention that he’d not actually in the mental health field?”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Yes, he did and I’ll tell you what I told him; he was my mentor. I’m interviewing him for that reason alone.” Sasuke lifted away from the doorframe. “I’m curious about how he got his internship.”

“You’re considering the psychiatric field?” Shisui asked.

“I’m sixteen. I’m considering everything.”

“And where would this interview take place?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Sasuke moved farther into the room.

“Sa - ”

“Naruto’s not trying to fuck me.”

“Sasuke!”

“I’ll make sure we meet in a public place, alright? Or how about here in our living room? You can keep watch from the kitchen and make sure he doesn’t use his psychological powers to try and manipulate my weak, feeble mind.”

“That’s enough.” The hard command of Shisui’s voice caused Sasuke’s next comment to die on his lips.

“What about Naruto? Have thought about what would happen if any of the school officials spotted the two of you getting chummy with each other? While planning whatever scheme you have in mind - ”

“I’m not sch -”

“I’m not a fool Sasuke and neither is Naruto.” Shisui stood up. “The man could lose his job. His career. Do you even care about the risks?”

“I’m not planning anything, Shisui. I just…” Sasuke paused and tried to find the right words. “I need to talk to him. There are questions about… what happened… back then,” he said softer. “Back then certain topics were off limits and he wasn’t allowed in my sessions with Dr. Nara.”

“Naruto was your mentor, not your shrink,” Shisui said.

“I know and that’s why I have to talk to him.” Sasuke shifted his stance. “I have an idea about what I want to study but I’m not… I need to talk to him first.”

The two cousins held their ground. In Shisui’s eyes, Sasuke could see him digesting the words and trying to figure out the angle.

“But you’re right,” Sasuke added and Shisui’s eyes flicked. “I am after something but it’s not what you or anyone who made up those stupid rules at Serenity thinks. I need to know the truth and if I can get Naruto to talk to me, he just might tell me.”

A quiet sigh left Shisui as he stuffed his hands into his pockets.

Sasuke lifted his chin “I’m not a child anymore. I haven’t been a child since the fire.”

A soft furrow appeared on Sasuke’s brow and his cousin nodded slow at Sasuke’s confession.

“Yeah,” Shisui said. “You have my permission to meet with Naruto.”

“Thank you,” Sasuke said and turned to walk triumphantly out the bedroom door.

“Just be careful, Sasuke.”

Sasuke slowed at the door and spoke over his shoulder. “Naruto would never - ”

“Yes, but would you?”

Pretending not to hear Shisui’s warning, Sasuke continued out the door and closed it carefully behind him.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I do not own the Naruto characters and receive no compensation for my story-  
> **Please forgive any and all fuck ups as I have no beta for this fic**
> 
> A/N: Welcome back! I know this is a short chapter but I'm keeping things slow and as simple as I can. Knowing me, I'm sure a long chapter will rear it's pretentious head sooner or later, but for now, please bear with me, Dear Reader and I'll do my best to make it worth your while. If's anyone is interested, I'm creating a playlist for this fic. I will add new songs as I write and with each chapter I post. Enjoy: 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5X5KweDhsaI&list=PL02yEN0tD_2pKRnV26CPWN5dcQZRi0sVm 
> 
> I'm already working on chapter 4 and I hope to get it to you soon.  
> Love and blessings,  
> Tandy.
> 
>  
> 
> 6/08/2018-Godspeed, AB. <3


	4. Paradoxical Assumptions

 

_“I’m just a sucker for pain.” Imagine Dragons_

 

* * *

 

If it were possible, Sasuke was sure he’d be able to prove that time between his Tuesday college psych class and the Thursday class had stretched beyond human comprehension and only government scientists knew the secret to this mystery and the classified findings would never reach the likes of him.

Because what else could be the explanation? Tuesday night Sasuke got permission from his cousin to interview Naruto and then several years later, Thursday finally arrived.

Now, in his high school math class, he was close to storming out in the middle of Mr. Yamato’s lecture on the origin of the term calculus from latin meaning, ‘small pebble.’

Images of Sasuke hurling a small pebble at his teacher’s beady eyes flashed in his mind and Sasuke gripped his desk in an attempt to control the growing urge of violence flickering inside him.

Fifteen minutes left of calculus class and two hours until his psych class. Sasuke didn’t bother to examine his anxiousness. He figured he was only trying to get to Naruto before the stubborn idiot changed his mind or before someone else in class tried to interview Naruto for extra credit.

Heat flushed through Sasuke. His body tensed and his stomach flipped at the thought. During Naruto’s lectures, Sasuke had paid attention. To the assignments _and_ to the attention his former mentor was getting from several girls in class. The way Naruto was oblivious to the attention irked Sasuke. Either Naruto didn’t see or didn’t acknowledge the fluttering cow-eyes peering up at him from the over-perfumed desks littering the classroom.

From Sasuke’s point of view, the idiot was just painfully blind to any and all flirtations.

One of the girls, who wore her dark hair in two small buns that reminded Sasuke of burnt dinner rolls, had managed to _accidentally_ run into Naruto somewhere else on campus. A small twitch at the corner of Sasuke’s eye, reminded him of the irritation he felt at watching the two of them walking toward the classroom together.

“The small pebble refers to the way one would use an abacus,” his calculus teacher, Mr. Yamato droned on.

Sasuke closed his eyes and tried to breathe. Just a few more minutes, he told himself and opened his eyes and looked up.

2:59.

His heart thudded. Leaning down, Sasuke pulled his backpack from floor and slung it on his shoulder. One deep breath in and…

_Bzzzzzrinnng!_

Sasuke was halfway to the door before the sound of the bell stopped ringing when -

“Sasuke? A moment, please!” Sasuke slammed to a stop and glared back at Mr. Yamato.

“I know you have your college class soon, I promise it won’t take long,” his teacher said, clearly reading the irritation on Sasuke’s face.

With a grace that had always been a talent Sasuke had whether angry, anxious, or not, Sasuke wound his way through the kids hurrying past him and back toward his teacher. He didn’t say anything, knowing that if he spoke now, there would be no holding back the insults on his tongue. _Fully deserved_ insults, Sasuke thought, but bit down on his temper, knowing that the man keeping him from talking to Naruto was one of Sasuke’s last obstacles between high school and college.

Sasuke stood silent and waited.

“I wanted to let you know that your physics teacher, Mr. Senju and I have met with the principle and several board members about your approaching early transfer.”

Sasuke blinked. _A board meeting?_

“It wasn’t official. There’s nothing to be worried about,” Mr. Yamato said.

“Why was there a meeting?”

If there was nothing to be worried about then why were people holding meetings to discuss him? Naruto’s face slammed into Sasuke’s mind and his previous anxiousness doubled-down. Sasuke’s hands started to sweat.

Mr. Yamato sat down on corner of his desk and crossed his arms. “When I got your homework assignments yesterday, I went to see the principle about letting you take the final early.”

The last of the kids exited the classroom as air rushed back into Sasuke’s lungs.

“He and I met with Mr. Senju and we decided that since you’ve showed exemplary determination, and coincidently finished all your homework assignments for your two remaining classes, that giving you a shot at the final early could help you prepare for college.”

“Oh,” Sasuke said, suddenly calmer.

“We met with a couple of board members and they agreed,” Mr. Yamato said. The man never smiled and didn’t now, but Sasuke still gleaned the positive tone from his teacher’s voice.

“If you agree, I’ll have the final ready for you to take next Friday.”

Sasuke’s mind ticked through his schedule. Next Friday would give him a whole extra week to study. Inwardly, he smiled.

“And my physics class?” Sasuke edged.

“Mr Senju was out today but when you see him tomorrow, he’ll confirm the same.”

Sasuke tugged on his bag strap and nodded at his teacher. “I’ll be ready. Thanks.”

“We’re all very proud of you Sasuke. The school staff and the Dean at Cal State. It’s been a genuine pleasure to watch you succeed.” Mr Yamato stood up and held his hand out to Sasuke.

“Thank you.” Though feeling slightly awkward, Sasuke took the hand into his own and gave a firm handshake then turned to go.

Again, with cat-like skill, Sasuke weaved around the other kids filing through the hallway. It all felt too good to be true. He was about to finish high school even earlier than expected. Sasuke had all next week to study and prep so the only thing he had to worry about was -

Sasuke froze at the bottom of the staircase leading to the parking lot.

Naruto. The interview. _Shit._

How the hell was he supposed to focus on Naruto when he had to study for his physics _and_ calculus final? Sasuke slowly walked forward, not really feeling his feet move. He’d have to push the interview back. Irritation bit into Sasuke’s temper. He waited four years to talk to Naruto and now he’d have to wait even longer.

“Dammit,” he muttered under his breath.

It wasn’t just about having to wait until after his finals to interview Naruto, but that given more time, Naruto or his cousin could change their minds. Sasuke frowned as he reached his car.

When his calculus teacher mentioned meetings and the school board in the same sentence, Sasuke almost choked on Shisui’s warning. Of course, Sasuke didn’t think anyone need concern themselves with his and Naruto’s hypothetical friendship, but that didn’t mean that school officials would agree. With Mr. Yamato’s words still running through the filter of Sasuke’s mind, it was now clear to him that people outside of Shisui and Naruto were taking an interest in his future.

But why? Why was Serenity still imposing their rules on Naruto? With Shisui’s warning coming too close for comfort, Sasuke started to worry.

The Toyota’s engine rolled and sputtered to life. Sasuke snapped into his seatbelt and reversed out of the parking space. Maybe his cousin had a point, Sasuke thought as he drove off his high school campus. Even though he and Naruto had no real friendship to speak of yet, Sasuke supposed that if there ever was one, it might be a good idea to keep it on the downlow.

The idea left a bitter taste in Sasuke’s mouth.

 

* * *

 

The soft hum of a fan on the Dean’s desk pulled Naruto’s attention for a moment. He stared at it while trying to remain casual in the overstuffed chair in front of Dean Mei Terumi’s desk. The place was air conditioned. Cool. Almost cold. Yet, the Dean had a small oscillating fan at the corner of her polished stone top desk.  

Maybe she runs at a high temperature, Naruto thought and looked down, again, admiring her large desk.

Dean Terumi had emailed Naruto requesting a meeting but seconds after showing him in, she excused herself and stepped out of the office, leaving him to appraise the sleek and well decorated room, and sweat over why he had been summoned to the Dean’s office in the first place.

Chewing on his bottom lip, he ran his eyes over the dark mahogany desk. Intricate carvings of deep swirls flowing down each leg. A solid slab of smooth rock was pieced to the top of the desk. Granite? Naruto scrunched his face. He was no expert on rocks and only thought it might be granite because it was the only rock name he knew.

Whatever it was, it was beautiful. Strong but soft.

Around the office, he took notice of the contrasting imagery. Artwork depicting water scenes from oceans to small streams hung on the walls around him, while the bookcase on Naruto’s left, showcased a number of small bright orange and red art pieces. Some crystal, some stained glass. Each one set at a perfect angle to reflect the flickering daylight from the window on Naruto’s right. The flickering made the colored glass resemble dancing fire from heatless flames, and Naruto smiled at the clever display.

A woman of fire and ice, he thought and almost laughed. His mood had been somewhat tempered by the fact that he still had no idea why he was sitting in the Dean’s office to begin with and his nerves shut down his humor.

The door to the office opened.

“Chojuro. Please move my dinner back another hour.” Naruto heard Dean Terumi’s voice from behind.

“But you didn’t have dinner already.” Another voice squeaked from farther away.

“Back as in one more hour later than six,” the Dean said with a sigh.

“Yes, Miss Terumi-er-Miss Dean! Right away!”

Naruto half-turned in his chair to watch Dean Terumi walk into the office and his eyes lit up. It was always hard ignoring her beauty. She had rich, flowing red hair and a banging body to boot. So what she was almost ten years older than him. Naruto was nothing if not a sucker for a redhead.

The thought slammed into him and his smile faltered.

“I’m so sorry I kept you waiting, Naruto,” Dean Terumi said. “I had an alumni stop by with a rather large donation and you know how that is, I’m sure.”

Naruto noticed the look of concern on her face and realized his smile had turned into a grimace. “Oh, yeah, of course! I think the ramen I had for lunch didn’t agree with me is all, heh but I’m fine,” he said and stood up to greet her.

Dean Terumi smiled back at him and held out her hand. “Don’t worry this won’t take long. Thank you for meeting with me.”

They shook hands briefly and Naruto couldn’t help but notice the heat coming off her skin.

That explains the fan, he thought and sat back down as she rounded her desk and lowered herself into the European styled, high backed dark leather chair behind her desk.

“Now,” the Dean began. “How’s Cal State’s little prodigy doing in his first college course?”

“Prodigy? Oh, you mean Sasuke! Yes, I suppose he is,” Naruto said with a wild laugh. “Heh, well, he’s already worked his way through most of the syllabus and is now pushing for extra credit assignments.”

“Wonderful.” Dean Terumi leaned forward and folded her hands, setting them on her desk. “I know he has a troubled history so the Board of Trustees and I want to impress upon you that if there is anything the university can do to help him during his scholastic career, we’d like you to let us know.”

“The Board of Trustees?” Naruto sat up straighter in his chair.

“As you know, Professor Hatake was supposed to be teaching this class. We had several other professors in our psychology department who were more than happy to add a class or two to their schedules to cover for Professor Hatake, but when it came to the Uchiha’s class, Hatake assured us that you would be better suited to help welcome Sasuke.”

“Kaka-I mean, Professor Hatake said that?” Naruto stared at the Dean, confused.

“How do you think you got teach a class at the University level in only months of having your teacher’s cert?” Terumi  leaned back and smiled. “Kakashi was very convincing.”

Naruto saw the way her eyes danced when she said Kakashi’s name and fought against the smirk itching at the corner of his mouth.

Dean Terumi flashed him a smile. “He and I have been friends for some time so when we found out Sasuke would be applying here, I knew Kakashi was the best choice for the young Uchiha’s introduction to university life.”

“So then you chose me to take over for him…”

“Because of your previous work at Serenity.”

Naruto’s heart began to pound. “Then you know.”

“That you used to mentor him? Yes, of course!” The Dean’s smile widened. “The Board feels that having Sasuke Uchiha attend Cal State will elevate the university’s profile. Having not only a prodigy attend our school but also one with such a triumphant personal story could help raise attendance.”

“I see,” Naruto said and couldn’t stop spike of worry her words caused.

“Please don’t misunderstand me,” the Dean added quickly. “We’re not interested in making him tap dance at our donor soirees or interviewing him for the university gazette. We remain sensitive to his needs and this is why you were chosen to fill in for Kakashi.”

“You want me to keep an eye on him?” Naruto’s ear drums were pounding with the sound of his heartbeat. He had the strangest desire to laugh. To wail hysterically at the Dean’s words.

Pushing down hard on his impulses, Naruto steadied his voice. “Is this why I was hired?”

“Yes. We don’t just want Sasuke to succeed, we want him to thrive here. So this meeting is to find out from you, how’s he’s handling college life. Is the program too much for him? If yes, what can we do to help him get the most out of his time with us?”

Naruto blinked.

“If more therapy is needed, the university would like to offer assistance. Cost is not an issue. Sasuke’s already been awarded a large scholarship by one of our most prestigious alumni. We’re just waiting until after the holidays to announce it.”

“Well, heh, he’s doing great.” Naruto blinked again and with some effort, relaxed into his chair. “But I do have to admit, I’m not his mentor anymore. I have no idea if he needs additional therapy or if he’s still seeing a therapist.”

“Of course.” The Dean flipped her hair and her bright green eyes flashed kindness. “But if you notice anything at all… well, we’d like to make sure he has a support system in place.”

“His cousin is his guardian and cares for him rather well.”

“Yes, we reached out to him today as well. If for any reason you think Sasuke might not be adjusting, you can notify Shisui Uchiha right away. He’s been given the names of some of the best tutors and therapists our university has to offer.”

Naruto breathed in and nodded at her. “It’s refreshing to see so much concern for Sasuke’s wellbeing.”

“Yes, well, our efforts aren’t completely altruistic. While we won’t be so insensitive as to run a story on him in our own newspaper, there’s nothing to stop others from covering his accomplishments. Sooner or later the news will get out and when that happens, we intend to show nothing but the university’s complete support and consideration for Sasuke Uchiha’s success.”

This time Naruto did laugh, but more out of nervous relief than anything else, and Dean Terumi joined him.

“We’re not interested in exploiting him, Naruto, we want to protect him.” A sly smile ghosted her lips. “But a little publicity would be nice too.”

“Well, as someone who’s had more than one run-in with Sasuke’s temper, if Cal State did try to exploit his life story in any way, he would absolutely make the university regret it.”

“Not a fan of attention, is he?” She asked, her well-manicured brow rising.

Naruto’s smiled grew. “Not a fan of people.”

They both chuckled and smiled at one another.

Dean Terumi stood and even though, Naruto felt relieved that Sasuke wouldn’t be taken advantage of by the University, a small shiver went down his arms and prickled the small hairs on his neck.

Could just be the air conditioning, he thought, rising up from his chair to shake the Dean’s hand goodbye.

 

* * *

 

The humid air was thick as Naruto left the Administration building. He wanted to adjust his backpack, but the slick feeling he knew would cause that summer stickiness he disliked, kept him from any swift movements. Instead, he gripped his backpack strap tighter and tried to keep his walking pace even so as not to work up a sweat.

The college wanted Naruto to keep an eye on Sasuke.

As he headed to his class, Naruto turned the Dean’s words over in his head.

_“If you notice anything at all…”_

Naruto’s heart stuttered. You mean like transference imbued with high intensity adolescent hormones? Naruto thoughts turned into bitter laughter. Nope. No hint of worry from the ridiculously gorgeous Dean, only insistence that Naruto keep an eye on Sasuke. Practically pushing Naruto back into his role of mentor.

“Hi, Naruto!”

Naruto jolted out of his thoughts and stared ahead.

“Hi, Mr. Uzumaki!”

Several of the girls in his class were smiling at him as he approached the classroom. For a second he looked at them seeing nothing more than faceless bodies in tight jeans and short skirts. He shook his head and burst into a smile, clearing his mind of the conundrum that would be waiting for him unravel after class.

“Good to see you! I hope everyone remembered their homework!” Naruto pulled out his classroom keys and opened the door for the waiting students.

Thank you’s and giggles bubbled up from behind him, but Naruto didn’t pay attention. When he reached his his desk, he stared at it. Book. Lesson plan. Yes, that’s what was next.

Still trying to make sense of how he was supposed to keep an eye on Sasuke while at the same time making sure the kid didn’t get the wrong idea, Naruto went through the motions of starting class.

He took roll. Collected homework. In place of a lecture, Naruto played a segment of Jordan Peterson’s lecture on dealing with a painful past, and then asked for the students to write a short argument on how Peterson got it right or why he was full of shit.

“You can leave once you turn in your paper. And no one page, double-spaced lazy efforts, guys! I want a thesis statement _and_ at least five additional paragraphs. Two examples why, two to support and one closing,” Naruto called out once the video was over.

The class ticked by, and when the stack of turned in papers started to grow, Naruto looked up from his lesson planner and saw the far wall clock read eight minutes to 6 pm.

“If you haven’t finished your papers, just turn in what you have,” Naruto said and froze as his eyes took in his almost empty classroom.

Only two students remained. Sasuke and Dee… Deidara-something, Naruto’s mind spat out. That was his name. Deidara and Sasuke sat all alone in the quiet empty desk-filled room. Naruto remembered the blond kid. He was the one who had stayed after class last week just long enough to steal glances at Sasuke.

Naruto had to give the kid credit. He was really trying to get Sasuke to notice.

 _Even moved a few seats closer,_ Naruto thought and darted his eyes to where Sasuke sat still scribbling onto his notebook paper.

“I’ll take whatever you have, guys,” Naruto said to them and stood up. “I’m not grading on how long or if incomplete. I’m looking for meat in your argument, ya know?”

Deidara looked up and then sliced his eyes at Sasuke and quickly back to Naruto. A small scowl formed on his brow and then vanished. He grabbed his bag, shoved his folder and pen into it, snatched his paper off his desk and walked to Naruto.

“I’m sure you did a great job,” Naruto said.

“Yeah, whatever.” Deidara pushed the paper into Naruto’s hands and then turned away.

Naruto watched him leave the classroom and then looked to where Sasuke was still writing. There was no sense of urgency in Sasuke’s posture or in his pen-stroke. Naruto doubted the kid was as in control as he looked to be, but smiled anyway at the familiar sight of Sasuke refusing to let anyone see him sweat.

“It’s not the final, Sasuke. Just an exercise.” Naruto went to where Sasuke was seated.

“I know,” Sasuke said in a low voice. He penned another few strokes and then looked up. “I just wanted to make sure I made my point.”

Naruto smiled and let out a short laugh. “I can’t wait to read it.”

“I got permission from Shisui,” Sasuke blurted, staring expressionless at Naruto.

A cool wash of tension passed through Naruto. He braced against it and then remembered the Dean’s words and forced himself to relax. Whether meeting with Sasuke outside of school posed a risk or not, Naruto would remain cautious. But for now, making sure Sasuke was handling all the life changes coming his way, took precedence. It was a familiar role Naruto was comfortable with.

“I’m glad you got his permission, Sasuke. When would you like to conduct your interview?”

Sasuke’s eyes dropped to his paper and a deep line creased his brow.

“What’s wrong? Did Shisui -”

“No, nothing like that.” Sasuke looked up and Naruto saw Sasuke’s twelve year old face of frustration in the now sixteen year old’s features.

“I’ve been offered the chance to graduate high school earlier than expected.”

“But Sasuke, that’s great!” Naruto leaned against a nearby desk. “It will give you more time to prepare for university life and a break between schools. I know you don’t think you need a break, but believe me Sasuke, you’re going to be working for the rest of your life. Take whatever vacations come your way. You still have plenty of -”

“It means I’ll have my last two finals next Friday,” Sasuke said, cutting off Naruto. “I won’t be able to interview you for the extra credit until after.

Naruto paused and then let out a full round of laughter. “You have until the end of the semester to complete the extra credit assignment! There’s no need to put a rush on things.” He grinned at Sasuke but again saw, doubt and frustration on his student’s face.

“I’m not going to change my mind, Sasuke.”

“Yeah, well -”

“Let’s not with the guilt trip, okay?” Naruto added and Sasuke didn’t finish his sentence.

“I gave you my word that I’ll help you with the extra credit and I will.” Naruto held out his hand and glanced down at Sasuke’s paper. “Time’s up.”

Even though there looked to be another comeback on Sasuke’s lips, the kid kept quiet. He stood up, handed his paper to Naruto and closed up his belongings inside his backpack.

“Once I’m done with finals, we’ll set a date.” Sasuke stood up and leveled his eyes at his old mentor.

Surprised by the sudden realization that Sasuke matched his height, Naruto lifted off the desk he was partially sitting on and stood in front of his student.

“What?” Sasuke asked.

“I just… nothing.” Naruto smiled and patted Sasuke on the shoulder. “Good luck with your finals.”

With a small nod, Sasuke held Naruto’s eyes for a moment and then turned to leave.

Anxiety and relief battled within Naruto. On one hand he had Dean Terumi’s permission to watch over Sasuke, but on the other he had a sixteen year old college student who seemed hell bent on getting inside Naruto’s head.

The classroom door closed softly after Sasuke. Alone in class, Naruto headed back to his desk - Sasuke’s paper in his hand and teeth mindlessly chewing his bottom lip.

 

* * *

 

Naruto had just snapped his seatbelt when his cell went off.

“Shit.” He forgot to take the damn thing out of his pants pocket and now had to wrestle with the belt contraption to get to his phone. Finally yanking it from his pocket, Naruto heard change spill out and onto the floor of his car and rolled his eyes in annoyance.

“Yeah?” He spat into his phone.

_“Bad day?”_

“Heh, hey Shika. Nah, just trying to get home.”

_“You driving?_

“Not yet,” Naruto answered and stared at his steering wheel feeling too tired to activate the Bluetooth. “What’s happening, man?”

_“Not much. Haven’t heard from you in a while and wanted to see how things were going?”_

Naruto rubbed his eye and took in a hard breath. “Does this have anything to do with what Shisui Uchiha called you about a few weeks ago?”

_“Well, since you mentioned it…”_

“Uh-huh.” Naruto didn’t feel like playing his and Shika’s age old game of cat and mouse. If anything he could actually use a little advice from his friend. “Well, why don’t we meet for dinner and you can tell me all about why you called to try and get me to mention it.”

A snort of air came over the line and Naruto gave into a small smile.

_“Sounds good. Should I come to you?”_

“Nah, I’ll head your way. The drive will give you time to finish up your rounds.”

_“Thanks. I’ll meet you -”_

“At the lake,” Naruto interrupted. “I’m not up for seeing all the old faces today.”

 _“You got it,”_ Shika said but Naruto was sure he heard a question in his friend’s tone.

“See ya soon.”

_“Later.”_

*

Naruto enjoyed driving. Calculating where he could cut through traffic, the energy of the music booming from his speakers and all the windows down so he felt like he was flying from one tree lined expressway to another, made him happy. Every few minutes, his thoughts would settle on Sasuke and the potential dilemma therein, but rather than delve into that torrential storm in waiting, Naruto would turn up the volume and sing along to the music.

This time it was lady Gaga.

_“I’m just a holy fool oh baby it’s so cruel!”_

Naruto’s voice faltered.

Even with Gaga’s lyrics on his lips, the answers to the questions plaguing him danced to the beat of the music. They were going nowhere. Because his thoughts already knew what Naruto wouldn’t let himself admit yet. He wasn’t driving to get Shikamaru’s opinion or advice. He was taking the two hour road trip back to place that held his pain and one-time happiness to see his old friend because he wanted confirmation.

*

The walk from the parking lot to the lake on the Serenity campus was longer than Naruto remembered. As soon as the smell of the water and jasmine hit him, Naruto’s heart fluttered. A peace filled him. The closer he got to the shore, the more memories filled him. Stuffing his hands into his pockets, he examined the feeling.

Yes, there was peacefulness but it was a restless peace. Soon loss and shame and comfort all began to vie for position. Naruto’s heart started to race and he breathed in slow, trying to recall his therapist’s instructions on how to sort through the bullshit the brain wanted to feed you and instead focus on the reality of the situation.

Mistakes were made. Hearts were broken. Life went on. There was nothing Naruto could do about the past but he could actively impact his now. His future. Naruto’s pulse eased.

A swift cascading breeze rushed past him and the nearby flowers invaded his senses. Naruto glanced behind him and stared at the wooden park bench, now in desperate need of repair, and walked toward it.

***

_“Did you tell Shikamaru that during your session this morning?”_

_“What the fuck for?”_

_Naruto sat down on the park bench, casually eying the feisty twelve year old in his care. “Because sometimes saying how you feel out loud helps you find a way to work past all the anger and pain.”_

_“I just told you, didn’t I?” Sasuke picked up another small stone and skimmed it across the water._

_Naruto counted three skips._

_“I ran away. I left them all to burn and I ran away. Wouldn’t it make you angry if you knew you killed your family?” Sasuke didn’t face Naruto. Instead, he scanned the ground for another rock._

_“It was an electrical fire. You didn’t kill them.”_

_“Bullshit,” Sasuke said and skimmed another rock._

_Four skips._

_“It’s called survivor’s guilt,” Naruto said. “Or just plain guilt if you prefer. We all go through it when we lose someone we love in a tragic accident.”_

_“Have you?”_

_Naruto looked up and saw Sasuke had turned and was now staring at him. For a twelve year old, Sasuke could steel his eyes harder and with more intensity than any adult Naruto knew._

_“We’re not supposed to talk about me, remember?”_

_“Fuck the rules. Have you ever had survivor’s guilt?” The pint-sized kid stood his ground; his small fists clenched around the rocks in his hands, and his eyes burning into Naruto’s._

***

“Oiy! Naru!”

Naruto snapped out of his memories and turned to see Shikamaru coming his way. Naruto looked down at the bench and couldn’t remember sitting down.

After patting his jeans for his phone and keys, Naruto got up and clasped hands with Shika. “Hey man, good to see you!”

“Likewise,” Shika commented and Naruto let out a loud laugh.

“Oh fuck, I can already see the lecture in your eyes, man. C’mon, let’s get some food and beer in us before we roll deep, whaddya say?”

Shika gave him a barely there smirk and nodded. “Deal.”

 

* * *

 

Naruto drank his beer and stared at Shikamaru.

“It’s quite a pickle you’re in.”

“I don’t see keeping an eye on him as a problem.” Naruto used his fork to push around the food on his plate. “The mentor role, I can do. It’s the extra credit assignment I’m worried about.”

Shika didn’t say a word.

Naruto looked up. “What?” He hated when Shikamaru pulled his analyst bullshit.

“So you have the blessing of the Dean as well as the Board.” Shika didn’t so much as twitch an eyelash as he spoke.

“To keep an eye on his progress. Nothing more. If you think I invited you to dinner to try and persuade you into thinking a friendship with Sasuke is a good idea, you’re fucking mistaken.”

Naruto slammed back the rest of his beer, chugging the remaining half before setting down his glass and using his sleeve to wipe his mouth.

“Naruto.”

“Fuck you, Shika. I know this is serious. I’m here talking to you about it, aren’t I?” Naruto crumpled his napkin and tossed it onto his plate. “I know you’re worried about how interested Sasuke is in me. I’m worried too.”  

“It’s not just him I’m worried about, Naruto. That kid has an intensity you have no defense against.”

“Gee, thanks,” Naruto said and signaled to the waitress for another round. “You make me sound weak as fuck.”

“You know what I mean,” Shika said. “The rules at Serenity were for your protection just as much as they were for his. We’re all in the same business, Naruto. Everyone knows how and why the kids get attached to us.”

Shikamaru leaned forward. “Do I have to remind you of the last few weeks before you left Serenity?”

“No, you don’t.” Naruto tried to keep his voice void of irritation.

Shika put down his fork and picked up his napkin. “When’s the last time you saw your shrink?”

Naruto brought his chin down defensively. His eyes stern.

Shikamaru was too smart for his own good. Yes, he graduated college at age fifteen and by twenty was already on staff at Serenity Treatment Center. Yes, his IQ was off the charts and every doctor on the west coast was wooing him to come work in their hospital. Still, with all his smarts, the guy never learned when to quit while ahead.

“I’m not talking about that with you,” Naruto said. “Don’t you have enough patients of your own to keep you busy?” Naruto pushed his plate away and leaned back in his chair.

“You still feel guilty,” Shika said. “Guilt from -”

“Don’t,” Naruto said. His temper finally finding a foothold.

“...before _and_ guilt about the way things ended with Sasuke.” Shika set down his napkin. “I worked with the kid, remember? Without the confines of Serenity’s rules, Sasuke would’ve had you jumping through hoops just to make him happy.”

“Spit it out, Shika. Say the goddamn words and stop the psychoanalyzing bullshit. I’m not one of your fucking patients.”

“The kid is painfully attached to you and you to him. The four years apart haven’t changed anything between you two.”

Naruto winced and then quickly smiled at the approaching waitress.

“Here’s two more beers for you gentlemen. Can I take your plates?”

Both of them nodded and their plates were whisked away. Naruto grabbed his beer and took a deep drink. When he set the glass down, he caught Shika eyeing him.

“I can handle two fucking beers, Shika. Jesus fucking christ. I asked _you_ to dinner, remember?”

“Yeah, well, you’re not my type,” Shika shot back.

“Fuck you. I’m everyone’s type,” Naruto volleyed and turned his mouth up at the corner.

Shika reluctantly smirked.

Naruto wiped the moisture from his mouth. “I’m not trying to hide anything.”

“I know you’re not.” Shikamaru took up his beer and held it out to Naruto, an apologetic smile on his lips. Naruto rolled his eyes, grabbed his beer and clinked the glasses together.

“You think he has an unhealthy attachment to me,” Naruto said after a sip.

“Considering his age, it’s actually pretty normal and healthy for him to start showing... interest in... well...” Shika sipped his beer, clearly not wanting to say the words. “But because of the trauma he’s experienced and the role you played in helping him through it, it would be difficult to know whether his feelings were tied to his old emotional distress or if they were the normal adolescent urges we all go through at his age.”

Shikamaru set down his beer. “It’s classic transference, Naruto.”

“Yeah,” Naruto replied. “You think I should quit the class?”

Shika let out a small chuckle. “If only it were that easy,” he said. “You leave him again and Sasuke might not bounce back a third time.”

“Fuck.” Naruto rested his head in his hands. “So I gotta keep my distance without making it look like I’m keeping my distance. I walked right into that extra credit shit, ya know?”

Shikamaru sighed. “Yeah, that was definitely a classic Naruto move.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Look Naruto, Sasuke’s sixteen. If he were eighteen I’d tell you to talk to him. Confront him about what his motives really are and maybe even work on repairing your friendship... but at sixteen all I can tell you is, time spent with him could be dangerous. For him - if his attachment is unhealthy - and for you and your career.”

“I genuinely care for him, Shika. I look at him and I…” Naruto stalled. He grabbed his beer and took another drink.

“I know,” Shika answered. “And that’s what makes any friendship with him so dangerous.” Shikamaru leaned in and lowered his voice. “If anyone found out you were spending private time with him -”

“The damn Dean told me to keep and eye on him. Can you believe that?”

“Well, though her intentions might be in the right place, neither she nor the Board are familiar with transference or countertransference the way we are.”

 _“Countertransference?”_ Naruto’s hand stilled on his beer. “I have not in any way -”

“I didn’t mean to sug -”

“Goddammit, Shika, I care for him but I would never take advantage of -”

“I know you wouldn’t intentionally,” Shika said.

 _“Intentionally?”_ Naruto leaned forward and Shika raised his hands in defense.

“Naruto, just wait.”

“Of all the people I thought knew me…”

“Stop it.” Shika’s tone shifted and Naruto forced is temper to hold. Barely.

“I’m not doubting your character. I’m only trying to remind you of your loyalty to the kid. I remember the phone calls, Naruto. I remember the middle of the night visits. You were Sasuke’s anchor then. If he needed you, you came running.”

Naruto lowered his eyes and again reached for his beer.

“Am I wrong?”

Naruto didn’t answer. He drank his lager and cursed under his breath.

“He had a rough time after you left,” Shika said in a softer tone and Naruto’s eyes flashed up at his friend.

“I didn’t want to tell you. You were already dealing with so much guilt that I thought if you knew, you would’ve raced back and done whatever you could to see him.”

Warmth spread across Naruto’s cheeks and he was sure it was due to the beer.

“Am I wrong?”

Raising his eyes, Naruto looked directly at his friend. “I don’t know.”

Shika nodded. “Well, regardless of what you might have done, now you’re faced with the same dilemma. If Sasuke asks, you’ll jump.”

Naruto rolled his eyes. “Tsk.”

“You know better than most how guilt can fuck with our heads.” Shika examined his beer glass and then finished it off. “You’re the most loyal friend I have, Naruto. Is there any reason to believe you wouldn’t be the same for Sasuke?”

They both stared at each other and Naruto finally leaned back, letting Shikamaru’s question hang in the air.

“I won’t tell you to stay away from the kid because I know it’d be no use. All I’m saying is be careful. I don’t want to see you lose everything you’ve worked hard for.” Shika’s eyes softened. “Sasuke’s not the only one who’s been through enough pain, Naru. You both deserve to be happy.”

Naruto nodded and closed his eyes and rubbed his temples trying to ease the ache in his head.

“Yeah,” he said.

 

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I do not own the Naruto characters and receive no money for my original story-
> 
> **Please forgive any and all fuck ups as I have no beta for this fic**
> 
> Author's note: Wow. I guess we made it to chapter 4, didn't we, Dear Reader? I know this is going agonizingly slow for some of you, but please know it's meant to. I think in this particular story, the build up is important. There are too many factors involved. And even though real life might not move this slow, I am trying to show something specific. And that takes time. I don't want to reveal too much about what's to come but I confess that I do enjoy teasing your curiosity here and there. So even if I don't respond to your comments, please know I'm reading each and every one of them and it's lots of fun reading what y'all think little things mean or what might happen next. ;) 
> 
> But above all, I hope you enjoy the story as it progresses and are entertained for the short time I have you. As always, Dear Reader, thank you so much for reading and many blessings to you all. 
> 
> Tandy.


	5. A lil More Conversation A lil Less Distraction

_"It's just some little thing, not like everything I do depends on you..." - Crush, Jennifer Paige_

 

* * *

 

 

 

Somewhere between his third root beer and the fifth episode of Broad City, Naruto decided he'd had enough. Staring at the screen, pretending to pay attention while his mind was somewhere else had grown tiresome.

If it wasn’t cable T.V., it was his phone. His attention was pulled between the two, not really following the storyline on the idiot box or the shit posts on Reddit, but instead staring blankly at the two while trying to ignore the pesky whispers inside his head. After last night’s dinner with Shikamaru, all of Naruto’s worries had been laid out one by one, and no amount of mindless distraction could keep his thoughts from mulling over his Sasuke predicament.

Naruto couldn’t bail on Kakashi’s class and he couldn’t let himself go back to his overprotective ways with Sasuke again. Like Naruto knew he would, Shika had voiced each one of Naruto’s thoughts and fears. Not that there had been a doubt in Naruto’s mind that his friend wouldn’t see through all the bullshit and speak his mind no matter how brutal, but hearing Shika say it out loud placed the heavy finality of the situation front and center. Still, with all the precaution Naruto knew he’d now have to take, his resolve to make Sasuke’s well being a priority, was stronger than ever.

Dean Terumi told Naruto to keep an eye on the young Uchiha. To make sure he was adjusting.

There had to be a balance between the two. Making sure Sasuke was acclimating to college life while keeping lines clear and uncrossed. Maybe Sasuke’s reasons for wanting to interview Naruto were a little suspicious but there was no hard proof that Sasuke was acting outside the realm of normal. At least not yet, Naruto told himself.

Maybe the kid just needed reassurance that Naruto hadn't pulled a fast one and betrayed the trust Sasuke put in Naruto all those years ago. Sasuke was sixteen now. He didn’t need protection from nightmares anymore. 2am phone calls from either Sasuke or the Serenity staff were years behind them now. And even if Sasuke was still having a hard time sleeping through the night, Shisui was there for him. Naruto was his teacher. His old mentor at best. Nothing more.

What he was doing was failing to see the upside to the situation. Aside from not knowing if Sasuke’s intentions should be a source of concern, Naruto was now in the position to make sure Sasuke Uchiha had a chance at succeeding. Maybe no longer in the role of mentor but still reunited with the kid he’d always felt he’d done wrong, and now with the opportunity to make things right.

Naruto pointed the remote at the television. Enough moping.

He glared at the darkened T.V. screen then peeled himself off the bed, walked to the small table in his room and started stuffing his planner and teacher’s edition into his messenger bag. Staying in this room focusing only on the worst case scenarios was fucking with his mind. He needed to get out. Remind himself that he was a professor now. Over his past mistakes and at the beginning of his teaching career.

He slipped on his running shoes and cast a quick glance in the mirror. A clean shave was long overdue but otherwise he was fine with the sweatpants and t-shirt look. Spinning in place, he grabbed his wallet, keys and phone and headed out the door, locking the room behind him.

Naruto squinted at the bright sky while his hand dug into his bag for his sunglasses. His other hand shielded his eyes as he made his way to the cool shade of the parking structure, giving him a slight reprieve from the sun’s rays. Annoyed, he looked down and yanked open his bag finally seeing his shades jumbled in between his gum and wallet and hand lotion travel pack… because sometimes a guy likes soft, fully-hydrated skin, he thought to himself and smirked, pulling out his cheap 7-11 mirrored sunglasses.

Even on a Friday, when most weekend travelers were known to arrive in places like sunny Southern California, the hotel parking lot where Naruto was staying until the end of the semester, was pretty empty. Naruto’s footfalls sounded through the massive concrete structure making him feel like a thief on the run.

 _Why do you feeling like you’re running away?_ Shikamaru’s voice piped up and Naruto scowled. Not now, he told the voice and it was effortlessly silenced.

Within the confining walls of the hotel room, Shikamaru’s warning and Naruto’s four year long self flagellation over leaving Sasuke had choked him out of the lysol laden room. And though his mind agreed on the reasons for leaving his room, Naruto knew better than to entertain the admission for long.

After all, there were lesson plans and wayward students to think about. Maybe he could come up with a way to engage the slackers in his class. Some lecture or assignment that would grab their attention. Pull them away from their twitter soaked minds and back into the land of fundamental education.

Naruto’d been a kid once. He remembered how hard it was ignoring those young desperate instincts to ditch class...

A cold chill flushed through him.

Yeah, he'd been one of those kids. Wishing for more free time. Less responsibility. A desire to waste hours...

Naruto shut his car door and belted himself in. He rolled down the windows and used his phone to set the music.

_Playlist: Moirai._

His stomach tightened at the knowledge that his shrink would not be pleased.

Fuck it. Naruto didn’t care. Sometimes the heart had to hurt a litte. And he wasn’t exactly wallowing. There had been enough sessions spent at $150 an hour to convince him that if he wanted to continue down a healthy mind path, he’d have to work hard to avoid indulging in those old desperate memories. But sometimes…

Wasn’t it Nietzsche who expressed the value of _Amor Fati?_ Learning to embrace fate. Acceptance of the pain as well as the pleasure of life.

Of course it was easier said than done but at least the seed was there. Germinating. Giving Naruto the time needed to rebuild his foundation and find his way toward forgiveness. He’d get there, he told his shrink. Eventually.

With his mind firmly set on finding a way to love his fate, Naruto hit play and the old song list sang to life.

_“...It’s the same old scene, you’ve been stuck at the screen for a lifetime, you keep your mind sharp and clean with a fix of caffeine for the night time…”_

Above & Beyond flowed from his car’s speakers and Naruto’s heart skipped. Humming softly, he drove out of the hotel parking aiming his car toward Cal State and the blissful waiting distraction of the college campus library.

 

* * *

 

The campus was packed. Everyone had somewhere to go. Walking. Skateboarding. Jogging. Naruto’s eyes scanned the large quad and jerked his head back around just in time to easily step aside for an unholy roller passing by on a pair of _Heelys?_

Naruto brought his head down and chuckled to himself. Where had the time gone? He was only twenty-three for fuck’s sakes. He came from his college campus straight to this one, yet somehow focus and determination had shot him right past others his age and onto a completely different playing field. And now, taking in the campus around him, he felt far removed from from it all.

With a weak sigh, he reminded himself that this was the price paid for wanting to push so hard at a career. It wasn’t like he didn’t have fun during college. Thankfully in Grad School, his friend, Kiba, had insisted Naruto make time for a kegger or two.

Still, Naruto thought, it hadn’t been enough had it? The parties. The attempt at hookups. Not being able to relate to his peers when it came to worrying about girls or fraternity rushes, Naruto simply smiled at Kiba and the friends he made in Santa Barbara whenever they told him not to take shit so seriously… and then went back to his room to study.

Here at Cal State throngs of kids were lazily making their way to the food court, the rec hall or catching in between lecture naps on the lawn near the science building. And though Naruto was happy his college life was over, the familiarity brought him a touch of longing. Had he pushed too hard? Did he miss out on what the kids around him were now enjoying?

A cool breeze swept past him and Naruto looked up. There were far off clouds but nothing to suggest gloom or rain. Just the wispy swept away fluff that made you feel you were walking through an Ansel Adams snapshot of the American Southwest, and Naruto wondered how long summer would hold out against the coming of winter.

Even with the sun overhead and it nearing three, there was no real bite to the heat. The humidity wasn’t as stifling as weeks prior -perhaps signaling fall would be soon taking the reins. A weak smile ghosted Naruto’s lips. He didn’t have anything against winter but without someone to snuggle with, he wasn’t looking forward to saying goodbye to beach weather and hello to the cold lonely holidays.

Pushing his sunglass higher up the bridge of his nose, Naruto moved through the crowds making his way across campus to the library. He could’ve gone to his classroom -it was empty after eleven on Fridays- but there was a Starbucks kiosk near the the library and he’d been thinking about a caramel macchiato heavy on the whip since breakfast. And let’s face it, the oatmeal he had after his morning shower had been so much easier to swallow down with the promise of a venti caramel refreshment just an afternoon away.

But first things first. Naruto had to look up a few research videos that might help make his class interesting. Being far from his apartment in Santa Barbara, meant he didn’t have access to his video collection. He also knew it would be useless to call his friend Kiba who was house-sitting while Naruto was away. Fat chance getting that knucklehead to send them.

They’d been friends since the day Naruto moved to Santa Barbara. Naruto had been canvassing a quiet neighborhood for the address of an apartment for rent he saw online. Hopping out of his car to try and get a better read of the apartment numbers, Naruto was tackled by a fluffy white bear. The beast knocked Naruto clean off his feet, pinned him and then proceed to attack Naruto with a tongue bath that still made him cringe whenever he thought about it.

_Dog slobber. Gross._

The massive creature turned out to be a dog named, Akamaru and the dog’s owner, Kiba.

Kiba had howled with laughter and Naruto had lost a good shirt to Kiba’s dog and his unclipped nails. And though Kiba promised to pay for a new one, Naruto’s reparations never came.

Not a day since they met had Kiba changed one bit. So asking him to do something like ship over Naruto’s research videos, or worse, download them from Naruto’s computer, would be a headache in waiting. Whether it be Kiba’s forgetfulness or his inability to properly navigate a computer hard drive, Naruto knew better than to place his class’s lecture plans in the hands of Kiba Inuzuka.

The automatic glass doors of the campus library opened and a huge grin broke onto Naruto’s face as the cool air hit him.

Forget his cheap hotel room, the Cal State library was the place to be! Naruto took two slow steps further into the state of the art, climate controlled, university library and scanned his surroundings.

If only they rented rooms, he thought.

Eyes zeroing in on what he wanted, he noticed a station in the computer center was free and he made a beeline for it. Granted he probably could’ve accessed the library from his laptop but, fuck, how he wanted to get out of that hotel room. Now, sitting at the consol, he let his bag slip from his shoulder and pressed the keyboard spacebar to wake the machine up. The computer took his login and password and slowly began to load.

Even with his hotel room T.V. screaming its cliched laugh tracks and the occasional disappearing humans and shocked dog videos all over Reddit, there had been too much quiet. Naruto could not get his mind to let go of the grip it had on Sasuke’s reappearance and Shikamaru’s warning. Here in the library, he’d be able -for a few hours at least- to focus on something, anything else.

While the computer booted up, Naruto pulled out his usb drive and inserted it into the computer usb port. _Shit._ He flipped the usb and tried again. This time the drive slipped in and Naruto turned his attention to the monitor.

Introversion versus extroversion. Social psychology. Moral development.

Naruto typed over and over into Google search and scanned for material suited for his class. PDF files were skimmed and browsed and several documentaries were fast-forwarded as he picked through the info he wanted before sending some to his Cloud. He then turned his textbook to Chapter 4. Intro to learning Theory and Behavioral Psychology.

 _Nice._ Finally getting to the good stuff, he thought and scribbled a few notes onto his notepad and control-tabbed through each Chrome tab and copy, pasted, and downloaded to his memory stick before sending even more links to his email address. Naruto’s blue eyes glinted and his fingers flew and clicked.

There were two kinds of kids who enrolled in Psych classes. The ones who wanted to learn why they were so fucked up and the ones who wanted to know why everyone else was. There were of course, those rare few who actually wanted to make a difference by helping those with serious psychological issues but Naruto knew that even those noble efforts came from a place of near obsessive curiosity about what it was that made people tick. And sometimes, Naruto thought as he began to outline his next few classes in his teacher’s planner, sometimes the more twisted and abnormal those in need were, the more curious people became.

Naruto called it the Silence of the Lambs effect. Ever since that movie came out, naive kids all over the world seemed to have become desensitized to the reality of just how dangerous those suffering from psychological disorders can be.

After Silence of the Lambs, came Red Dragon then Dexter then Hannibal. Hoards of ridiculous school girls and boys romanticizing murder, psychopathy and the serial killers who deal in both.

Now Naruto would be the first to admit he loved himself a bad boy every now and then, but finding himself attracted to a killer…

A hard thud from his heart vibrated through him and the pen in Naruto’s hand stilled. He stared down at the paper.

 _What was he supposed to be writing?_ Naruto’s hands started to sweat and he blinked.

 _No,_ his mind whispered. That was different… _right?_

“Fuck!”

Naruto snapped his head up at the shouted curse, the darkness behind his eyes instantly clearing. He looked around and didn’t notice anyone making a scene or anyone else reacting to the yell he heard.

_Did I say that? Was that me?_

Naruto was just about to grab his things and bolt when he heard a fist slam down with a loud _boom_ and he stood up to let his ears and eyes zero in on just where the fit someone was pitching was coming from.

A low exasperated growl came from the cubicle in front of Naruto’s small cubby and he raised up on his toes to peer over the wood partition.

Hunched over several textbooks was a familiar dark head of hair.

The panic within Naruto fell away, but his pulse quickened at the way his stomach curled tight. Suddenly the odd memory of Naruto’s first time riding the roller coaster, Montezooma’s Revenge at the amusement park, Knott’s Berry Farm, raced through his brain.

“Sasuke.”

The bowed head snapped up and the scowl in the kid’s dark eyes faltered just before he looked away.

“What’re you doing here?”

Naruto tried not to cringe at Sasuke’s tone. “Same as you. Studying.”

Sasuke looked up. “What, you already forgot how to be a teacher?”

“It would explain why half the class is behind in their work,” Naruto answered and raised his brows in humor.

“Figures. Shitty mentor turned shitty teacher.”

“Ouch.” Naruto tried to sound playful but the comment stung. “Well, anyway, hehe I’ll uh, leave you to your studying.”

Naruto sat back down and let out a slow breath. Sasuke was sixteen and good at it. Sixteen years olds can’t help but be biting and cruel. Rights of passage, over-dramatic angst and all that bullshit, right?

He stared at the computer monitor.

> _Social perception and social interaction are vital to understand the way we see other people and the powerful role they play in a wide variety of our actions and decisions. Because the people around us shape our thoughts, feelings, mood, attitudes, and perceptions._

So maybe I just bring that out in Sasuke, Naruto thought. His shoulders slouched and he suddenly felt tired. With a few mouse clicks he logged out of his teacher’s resource accounts and closed down Chrome. Remembering to disconnect his usb stick before he pulled it from the port, Naruto waited for the Safe to Eject prompt.

“Hey.”

Naruto turned around. With backpack in tow, stood Sasuke. “I uh…”

A low beep pulled Naruto’s attention back to the computer and he pulled his usb out of the computer slot and dropped it into his bag.

“Don’t worry about it,” Naruto said as he stood up. “You got a lot on your plate right now. A couple of finals, then completing your first college course followed by a full-time university schedule.”

Naruto pushed in his chair and pulled his messenger bag up. “If you need to skip class next week, it’s alright. You already finished the book work so you’d only have to catch up on the in-class assignments and I can email you everything you’ll need.”

“You’re adding more to the syllabus?”

Naruto stepped away from the cubicle so the anxious student on his left could take over the computer station. “Hm? Oh, well I’m thinking of adding a few extra in-class writing assignments to go with the new material I’ve selected. I thought maybe if I add a bit more of the darker side of psychology to my lectures, I’d be able to engage the kids that don’t seem to want to do the book work.” Naruto smiled. “And hopefully it’ll help round out their grade, ya know?”

Sasuke tilted his head slightly and Naruto narrowed his eyes. “What?”

“Nothing.” Sasuke shifted his feet and tugged at his backpack. “I was going to grab a coffee, you want one?”

“Hey! I was just about to head over. How’d you know?” Again, Naruto grinned through the nervous pull in his gut.

“It’s just coffee. You don’t have to look so worried.” Sasuke looked away.

_How the fuck did this kid always…_

“Anyway, I’m headed there now. If you want.” Sasuke kept his attention on the library exit.

“I’m not nervous, Sasuke. And I’ve been thinking about a caramel frappe all day. Let’s go.”

Not saying another word, Sasuke walked past Naruto and headed out of the library.

Naruto creased his eyes and despite the faint sound of Shikamaru’s warning fluttering through his mind, Naruto followed.

 

* * *

 

“You know they said that entire experiment was a sham.” Sasuke sipped on his espresso over ice.

“But that’s the kicker.” Naruto lifted his frappe in excitement. “I wanna know how many kids will actually find that out and how many won’t.” He took a thought full sip. “I’m not,” he said after swallowing down the frozen sugar. “I’m not gonna give them a lower mark if they don’t research that little tidbit, but if a few of them do, even if it’s just so they can write a paper that accuses me of being full of shit for trying to show the experiment as valid - I’ll have presented an assignment that made them think for themselves.”

Naruto stopped and looked at Sasuke. “What?”

“It might work.”

“Might?”

Sasuke looked away and jerked his head at the concrete bench that surrounded a 20 foot metal art sculpture near the Fine Arts building. Naruto followed him and they sat down, both cringing as the weight of their bags dragged off their shoulders to rest at their feet.

“What if no one bothers to do the research?” Sasuke lifted his right leg to lay it down across the bench, knee bent and foot pulled in so he could face Naruto.

“Then for the short time I have their attention, they’ll give me a paper that will help their grade and I can break the news to them in the following class _after_ I already graded all the papers.”

Naruto watched Sasuke chew on his straw in thought.

“I could even have them write another paper about whether their opinions have changed now that they know the truth.”

“That sounds like a fucking lot of writing,” Sasuke said still staring off thoughtfully.

“Ha! Maybe you’re right.” Naruto smiled and chuckled softly. “It’s a fascinating subject regardless. Too bad the guy fucked with the outcome.”

Sasuke looked at Naruto. “You’re thinking of Abu Ghraib.”

Naruto nodded and sipped his drink. “We know from shit like peer pressure and social conformity that things like that are common.” Naruto frowned. “Everytime someone tries to bypass the methods of scientific research just so they can get their name in prestigious journals, it usually ends up creating more harm than good.”

Sasuke nibbled on his straw, listening.

“It took just one bullshit paper about vaccinations causing autism to start an entire movement against child vaccinations. And now childhood diseases we haven’t seen in decades are suddenly making a come back and all because one asshole lied about his research and posted it online.”

Naruto shook his head. “Imagine all the research we _could’ve been doing_ instead of wasting time trying to educate the public about the massive amount of lies being spread online.”

“People are quicker to believe in the bad rather than its opposite.”

“Yes,” Naruto said. “But I wish I knew why.”

“You and me both,” Sasuke said and his mouth twitched up.

It wasn’t much of a smile but Naruto stared at Sasuke nonetheless. He could count on one hand how many times he’d seen the rare event.

“What, you thinking about joining this rabble community of quacks and mad scientists?” Naruto gave Sasuke a smirk.

“Not sure.” Sasuke slurped the last of his espresso and shook the plastic ice-filled cup. “Experimental psychology sounds tedious. Getting published is a pain and it’s not like anything I’d publish in academic journals would be readily available to the public anyway. I’m not interested in helping the JSTOR make millions by keeping those who can’t afford an education ignorant.”

“Ah, Aaron Swartz.” Naruto’s smirk widened. “I’m surprised.”

“Why?” A faint scowl formed on Sasuke’s forehead. “Don’t confuse my age with ignorance. I hate when people do that.”

Sasuke got up and walked to a nearby trash bin. “You never treated me like a kid before. Why do you keep trying now?” He asked and dropped his cup into the garbage.

Of course it always came to this. Naruto set down his half-empty frappe and sighing, he charged himself with blame. Why did he always forget that Sasuke would sooner or later challenge Naruto’s perception of what he thought constituted an adult.

“I didn’t mean to insult you, Sasuke. I have friends who don’t know who the fuck Aaron Swartz is.”

Sasuke stood in front of Naruto.

“Maybe I’m just impressed that you not only took the time to find out about the JSTOR but that you also hold to a strong ethical code in regards to it.” Naruto smiled at his student. “It’s refreshing and if you let me get away with a little sappyness, it gives me hope.”

“Hope?” The furrow between Sasuke’s eyes returned.

Naruto shrugged his shoulders. “Some people hope to just get by in life. Some hope for wealth or fame, some for a family. And some hope they get a chance at changing the world.” He picked up his Starbucks cup and drank deeply.

Licking his lips and smiling, Naruto raised his cup at Sasuke. “Or at least their small section of it.”

“Tch.” Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Changing the world is for heroes. Why would anyone want to be a hero?”

“A hero isn’t always about saving a drowning kid or going off to war.” Naruto set down his drink and leaned back, the palms of his hands flat against the stone bench propping him up. “Sometimes it’s about dedicating yourself to a noble endeavor.”

Sasuke stared back at his former mentor, unconvinced.

“Volunteering at a shelter. Working at an animal rescue. Even the smallest of positive actions can make a difference. That’s all I meant,” Naruto added.

“Like mentoring at clinic that helps children who suffer from psychological trauma?”

Naruto sat up slowly. “Hehe, you’d make a great shrink, you know that?”

Sasuke looked away.

Around them, the day had cooled and dusk was beginning to claim the large shaded nooks that the surrounding buildings had casted brazenly against the earlier sun. Shadows started to bleed into the night and several lampposts along the long campus pathways flickered to life signaling the arrival of evening. Naruto watched a soft breeze blow the strands of Sasuke’s dark hair and wondered what the kid was thinking.

When Sasuke expressed interest in the psychology field, Naruto assumed it’d just been a ruse to get Naruto to agree to being the subject of the extra credit assignment.

“Don’t be insulted. One of my closest friends is a shrink… of sorts.” Naruto stood up and took his empty Starbucks cup to the trash and tossed it in.

“Dr. Nara,” Sasuke said. He was still looking off into the distance and a small tug of concern pulled at Naruto.

“If you’re thinking Dr. Nara and I talked about your sessions, you’d be wrong. Shikamaru is a dedicated doctor. He would never violate -”

“I know he wouldn’t,” Sasuke said and finally faced Naruto.

“You do?”

“I know you.” Sasuke stared at Naruto and then went to grab his backpack. He took up Naruto’s bag with his other hand and offered it to the blue-eyed teacher. “You wouldn’t be friends with someone unethical.”

Naruto took hold of his bag and shouldered the strap. Though the silence between them grew, they both stayed staring at each other, neither bothering to break the moment.

Naruto's brain stuttered for something to say. “H-how's the-uh studying going? Your finals are uh…”

“A week from today,” Sasuke answered.

“Yeah. Next Friday.” Naruto offered a weak smile. “I couldn't help but overhear the sounds of frustration coming from your workstation back in the library.”

“Honors physics.”

“Ah,” Naruto said back and glanced away wondering why the moment suddenly felt awkward.

“Oh, hey!” Naruto snapped back around. “I just remembered. Shika, eh, I mean Dr. Nara once admin’d for a science site at Stanford. You could check it out. I know they have online help and tutorials.”

“Maybe.”

“I'd offer to help you myself but I was never great at the hard sciences.”

Sasuke brought his attention back to Naruto. “Didn't you have to take a few to get into Serenity?”

“Heh yeah, but I had lots of help back then. Naruto dropped his head and shuffled his feet. “Tutors and uh… late night study groups with... friends. Anatomy class was a bitch.” Naruto looked up and smiled at Sasuke but noticed a strange look on his student's face.

“What?” He asked with a touch of laughter. “Don't tell me this little revelation has lessened your opinion of me.”

Sasuke snorted.

“Well shit, tell me what you really think,” Naruto countered, this time letting his laughter out fully.

“I always figured you for a goof,” Sasuke said.

“A what?”

“A goofball. You and your car karaoke and cheeseburgers -”

“You’re seriously trying to sell me on only goofballs liking cheeseburgers?”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “You know what I meant.” Sasuke shifted his stance. “It’s sometimes hard for me to imagine you being so serious about… well about anything.”

Naruto laughed again. “I guess I’m serious about the things that matter.”

“I know.”

A curious look from Naruto caused Sasuke to stand up straight. “I just meant,” Sasuke said softly. “I remember how you were back at Serenity. You always tried to keep things fun and easy but I could tell there was another side to you… one you didn’t want to share.”

Naruto’s mouth opened but no words came. He stood staring at Sasuke wondering just how much the kid had noticed during that time.

A cold chill blew through the campus grounds and Naruto saw Sasuke shiver and rub his hand over the goosebumps on his arm.

“Well, I guess it’s getting -” Naruto stopped at the sound of his cell phone going off. “Shit. Sorry, hang on.” Naruto yanked his phone from his sweatpants pocket.

“Yeah?”

_“Naru! Hey, man! What the fuck you doing tonight?”_

“Kiba?” Naruto looked up but Sasuke immediately turned away, suddenly paying attention to the student bodies that walked and skateboarded here and there around the campus quad.

“Uh, I’ve got some lesson plans I need to take care of. Thought I’d finish up back in my room. I’m leaving the campus now.” Naruto’s voice then took on a suspicious tone. “Why?”

_“Like hell you are! I’m in town!”_

“Wha - wait, why?”

_“Met this chick online and she invited me to a party at Cal State. She’s hot and you got a place near the college so I hopped in my Bug and drove down. I just hit town.”_

“Thanks for the heads up, fucker. What makes you think I’d agree to go to a party with you tonight?” Naruto kept his eyes on Sasuke but he didn’t so much as shift in Naruto’s direction. “I told you I got lesson plans to work on.”

_“Yeah, and it’s Friday night and I know you ain’t got class ‘til Tuesday. You’re done with school Naru. Why’re you still so against having a good time?”_

“I’m not against -”

_“Good! What hotel you staying at?”_

“Uh… the New Leaf Extended Stay off of Campus Drive,” Naruto ran a hand through his hair and grimaced. “It’s not very big and the shower -”

_“Yeah, yeah. What’s the room number?”_

Naruto again cast his eyes to where Sasuke stood with his back to him, seemingly engrossed in the campus activity around them.

“Uh… ten-thirteen.” Naruto turned to his left and lowered his voice. “Look, Keebs, I don’t care if you bunk with me while you’re here but I’m not going to some college rager filled with eighteen year -”

_“She’s twenty-one and yes you are. One night ain’t gonna kill ya and God knows you need to get laid.”_

“Hey! What the fuck business -”

_“Haha! I knew it! You haven’t gotten any since you been at Cal State have you?”_

“Kiba.” Naruto dropped his voice even lower. “I don’t need to get -” He turned his head and saw Sasuke staring at him.

_“Fine, then just come with me and work on your game. It’s not like you gotta take anyone home with ya. Let’s just have a good time.”_

“I don’t know…”

_“My GPS says I’ll be at your place in fifteen. We’ll talk about it when I get there, kay?”_

“Kiba. Keebs?” Naruto checked his phone and saw the call had ended. _Shit._

“I guess I’ll see you at class,” Sasuke said and walked off.

Again, Naruto opened his mouth to say something but stopped. What was he supposed to say? And why did he feel the need to say anything at all? As Naruto watched Sasuke head toward the food court he pushed down the guilt he felt.

 _Guilt for what?_ His mind answered, but Naruto didn’t have time to explore the loaded question. Instead he turned and hurried toward the teacher’s parking lot.

 

* * *

 

Sasuke cut through the food court and scrambled down the dirt path made from too many students sliding down the embankment behind the Snack Shack. He had to hurry. If he stopped to let himself think about what he was doing and exactly where he was going, he might have to examine the why of it all and fuck if he was ready for that line of thinking right now.

What he did know was exactly where the New Leaf Hotel was and that it wouldn’t be hard to find Naruto’s bright orange Prius once he got there.

The sound of Sasuke’s sneakers were thankfully quiet as he neared the lot where his car was parked. The last thing he needed was the thump of his shoes against the concrete alerting Sasuke’s conscious to the fact that he was practically jogging to his Toyota.

Better not to question it. Just drive.

A snap of a seatbelt later, Sasuke was pulling out of the parking space and cursing each car in his way as he exited the lot and pulled onto Campus Drive.

*

It was too easy tailing Naruto. Ridiculous orange car. Bright head of blond hair at the wheel. The guy in the passenger seat had to be the Kiba Naruto had spoken to on the phone. Sasuke watched the two climb out of the Prius and made an irritated sound at Naruto’s choice of friends. The Kiba guy looked like a buffoon.

The shaggy black mop of hair the guy had, flopped everywhere while the man himself flung his arms up over his head in the clichéd _raise the roof_ fashion. Was this guy for real?

Half a block from where Naruto and Kiba were, was Sasuke sitting in his old Corolla watching as the two friends crossed the street and walked up to a large two-story house where several people were milling about the front lawn. Sasuke eyed the telltale plastic red cups in the party-goers hands as Naruto and his friend passed them and headed inside the house.

Even through rolled up windows, Sasuke could hear the bass from the music coming from the college rager. The party would likely go all night, he thought.

Taking out his cell phone he slid it open and hit redial.

 _“Hey,”_ a familiar voice said.

“Hey. I was thinking of hanging out with a friend from school tonight.” Sasuke cringed and wondered if Shisui would question the notion of Sasuke suddenly having friends.

_“You have enough cash on you?”_

Sasuke was sure he heard suspicion in Shisui’s tone but pressed on anyway. “Yeah.”

The silence on the other end made Sasuke nervous. “I did some studying at the library and met up with someone from class.”

_“You do remember the restrictions on your provisional driver’s license?”_

_Shit._ Sasuke’s mind scrambled. “I’ll drop off my car and have h-them pick me up.”

Sasuke held his breath as he waited for Shisui’s counter.

_“As long as I see your car in the driveway when I get home from work, It’s fine.”_

“Kay.”

_“Be careful, Sasuke.”_

Sasuke frowned and opened his mouth to remind his cousin that he was not a child who needed -

 _“And have fun,”_ Shisui added. _“See ya later.”_

The line went quiet and Sasuke looked at his phone and then blinked away Shisui’s final words.

He scrolled through his contact list and stopped at, Asshole From Psych Class. The guy had been insistent at entering his cell number into Sasuke’s phone. So there had been no chance at Sasuke pretending to add the digits while the crazy blond shamelessly flirted with him before their Thursday night class.

Sasuke hit the telephone icon and waited.

_“Wow, you called.”_

Sasuke unclenched his jaw and tried to sound… pleasant. “There’s a party tonight and I thought you might want to join me, but if you -”

_“Just say where.”_

“You got a car?”

_“Yeah. I can swing by and pick you up.”_

“I’ll text you my address.”

_“Wow, our first date. I’ll make sure to be on time.”_

“It’s not a date, Deidara. It’s a party.”

A low chuckle came from Sasuke’s phone. _“Whatever you say, Sasuke. The chase is the best part, I always say.”_

“Just don’t be late.”

 _“Wouldn’t dream of it,”_ Deidara answered and Sasuke hit End.

Ignoring the strange flip in his stomach, Sasuke sent off a quick text of his address and the time he expected to be picked up then started up his car. With one final glance at the house party, he pulled away from the curb and swung a u-turn.

 

* * *

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5X5KweDhsaI&list=PL02yEN0tD_2pKRnV26CPWN5dcQZRi0sVm](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5X5KweDhsaI&list=PL02yEN0tD_2pKRnV26CPWN5dcQZRi0sVm) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Please forgive any and all fuckups. I have no beta for this fic***
> 
> A/N: Please remember this is FICTION. Reality will not be found anywhere in this story. It’s made up. A story with characters borrowed from a cartoon about magical ninjas. I hope that if you read this story, you can find enjoyment in it and leave all your preconceived notions about “how life really is” outside of this fictional world I’ve created, because this fic is escapism. None of my fics are meant to be taken as anything other than fictional works. The world is full of books and stories that can offer you reality. This story however, is not one of them. - With that said, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and that your curiosity about what might be next is piqued. Thank you for reading! Love and blessings to you all.
> 
> Tandy.


	6. Attention By Proxy

 

_"This ain't no good, in fact it's phony as hell..." Back 2 Good, Matchbox Twenty_

 

* * *

 

 

Sasuke tried not to fidget.

Deidara had picked him up in a bright red Hyundai Veloster and when Sasuke slid into the leathered passenger seat, Deidara had leaned in causing Sasuke to flinch at the approach.

“Hey, no need to freak out. I was just trying to grab my jacket before you sat on it.”

Sasuke looked down and frowned. With a smooth lift of his hips he pulled the jacket out from under him.

Deidara took it and tossed it to the back seat. “No big deal. Wasn’t gonna wear it tonight anyway.” He smiled at Sasuke and pulled out of the driveway.

Now, as they drove toward Cal State, Sasuke was finding the awkwardness unbearable. He had wanted Deidara to be the reason for showing up at the college party Naruto was at but what he hadn’t taken the time to evaluate was Deidara’s obvious attraction to him.

Sasuke hadn’t taken time to evaluate much of anything. Not about the consequences this little endeavor of his might bring. Not about lying -however slightly- to Shisui. That he was headed to a college party and was underage. Or that he was currently stalking his psychology professor -slash- one time mentor, _or_ that by inviting Deidara out, Sasuke was for the first time unequivocally announcing he was gay.

He swallowed around his dry throat.

“So, I looked up the address you gave me and it turns out I know the frat house where the party’s at.”

Sasuke stared out the windshield. Maybe with Deidara with him, Sasuke would be able to get into the party without being questioned about his age.

 _And what about that_ , he thought.

When Deidara hit on him outside class, the pushy blond mentioned being nineteen.

_Does he know how old I am? Would he care?_

“The guys there are pretty chill as long as you leave the girls for them.” Deidara chuckled. “So I think we’ll be alright.”

Still silent, Sasuke’s heart skipped. Sure, he’d known he wasn’t attracted to girls since before high school. It’s just since then, there had been more important things to think about. What would have been the point in telling the doctors at Serenity? And Shisui never bothered asking. All of which was just fine by Sasuke. One less awkward conversation about Sasuke’s sex life.

Sasuke would be fine never having to face that particular conversation with anyone ever.

“I said, how’d you hear about it?”

Sasuke turned his head and stared at Deidara.

Deidara shifted gears and laughed. “Feeling nervous? Don’t be. That whole crap about Freshmen not being welcomed anywhere is bullshit.”

“I’m not.” Sasuke closed his mouth and decided not to elaborate any further about what _exactly_ he wasn’t.

“Good.” Deidara smiled. “You look great by the way.”

Sasuke blinked and looked back out the windshield. “Thanks.”

It had taken Sasuke six shirts and four pairs of jeans to find the right look for the night. He finally decided on black jeans, with a black t-shirt and a gray long sleeve button down over it; left open in an attempt at looking casual. Sneakers and hair styled to brush just-so over his eyes and slicked up at the back.

Vanity wasn’t something Sasuke was comfortable with, but tonight was different. The urge to make sure he looked at least somewhat appealing was strong and Sasuke never bothered to question such urges. When drive or instinct pushed him, Sasuke rarely ignored the feeling. He preferred action to deliberation. Decisiveness over doubt.

But now, sitting in a car with Deidara, on his way to a college frat party where he hoped to run into Naruto, Sasuke wondered if perhaps a little more forethought might have been a good idea.

*

“Woah, woah. Just where the hell you think you fools are going?”

“C’mon, KB, you know me!” Deidara held out his arms in a sacrificial manner.

Sasuke took in the muscle-ladened size of blond-haired bouncer who stood cross-armed in front of the frat house doorway and wondered if the night had just come to a screeching halt.

Between the doorman's near six-three height, his small rounded sunglasses that hid any ounce of sympathy, and the two horn shaped tattoos on the large man’s left cheek, Sasuke figured if this guy wouldn’t let Sasuke into the party, that would be that. Thanks for playing, Mr. Uchiha. Better luck next time.

“Yeah, and I know that your fake I.D. is for shit,” said the large man. “What I don’t know is, who the fuck your friend is.” The bouncer called KB took a step closer to Sasuke and peered down at him. Arms still crossed, face still unsympathetic. “And something else I know, is that there’s no fucking way this guy’s a day over eighteen.”

“Dude, Bee,” Deidara said. “Sasuke’s in my psych class. Here at Cal. He’s a student here Bee, I swear and if there’s any trouble, you can personally kick me out on my ass.”

“I ain’t interested in your ass, Dei.” Bee sized up Sasuke. “I never forget a face, little fool. So if I lose my well-paid job cuz you get caught should the cops show, I’m gonna take it personal, ya dig, little fool?”

Sasuke only stared back at KB saying nothing. His eyes had been locked on the man’s mouth and the way it would twitch and flinch ever so slightly with each word he said. He looked up at the dark sunglasses staring back him and knew the guy was lying. The man in front of him was definitely tough and Sasuke had no doubt any fight that might transpire would immediately be effortlessly quelled by the thick-necked bouncer Deidara called, Bee, but the man was no bully. There was no tension in his body, anywhere. No angry clench in his jaw. No air of aggression of any kind.

Sasuke nodded slow and Bee stood up straighter and took a half-step back. “If anything goes down, you can hop over the fence into the property over there.” KB jerked his chin to the right. “They ain’t home tonight and got no dog.”

“Thanks KB!” Deidara wrapped his arm around Sasuke’s shoulders and pulled Sasuke with him as they both weaved past the bouncer and stole inside.

*

If the party seemed loud from outside the damn thing was positively deafening once Sasuke and Deidara crossed the threshold and pushed their way into the over-filled frat rager.

Loud dubstep blared from hidden speakers and squeals and screams of laughter flooded over Sasuke. For a split second he wondered if a person could literally drown from too much sensory overload.

“I’ll aim us for the kitchen!” Deidara shouted into Sasuke’s ear, snapping him back into the reason why he set this evening in motion.

Sasuke jerked and pulled out of Deidara’s hold and then nodded while his classmate laughed.

“Sorry, sorry! Was just playing the part to get us in!”

Sasuke threw a half-hearted glare at Dei.

“The booze is always in the kitchen! C’mon!”

The process of trying to follow Deidara while _not_ holding onto him proved difficult. There were too many bodies. Half-clothed girls, sweaty and over-hyped guys. Kids with money. Kids trying to appear as though they had no money and even a few Sasuke was sure had none at all.

His eyes slid from one to another to another to as many as he could pick out. The expensive jeans. Highlights and perfect makeup that Sasuke knew cost money. Lettered jackets. Diamond earrings -fake and real- the newest iPhones, old t-shirts with grease stains, tattered sneakers and several darting eyes, scanning and silently judging the excess in the room.

Sasuke saw it all and reached out and took hold of Deidara’s back belt loop to try and not lose him to the sea of students.

Dei didn’t react. Just kept leading the both of them toward the kitchen.

“Wait here, kay?”

Sasuke pulled his attention away from the party back to his companion.

“It’ll be easier if I just snake us a couple of beers than the both of us trying to squeeze past everyone.”

With a wink of his eye, Deidara was gone and Sasuke stood alone in a crowd of his peers.

With shoulders back and an expressionless face, Sasuke turned around where he stood and wondered if Naruto was still here. His eyes latched onto every hint of blond hair. The surfer looking guy bopping in the middle of the living room. The glimpse of yellow rushing up the stairs and the bleached head of hair being flipped before walking out the front door.

Near the corner of the front room near the large bay windows, there were two blond girls dancing  putting on a show for the guys propped up against a nearby wall. The girls had their arms wrapped around one another and kissed slowly -all tongue and no shame as they danced to some unknown beat only they could hear.

Sasuke watched the way one of the girls in a tight, low-cut tank top would open her eyes every so often to make sure the guys were watching, and turned away from the scene.

Shame, he thought. One of them is in for a heartbreak and the other doesn’t even care.

Sasuke looked to his left and saw the house had several other rooms down that way and wondered if Naruto could be through there. As his mind filed through the ways he could convince Dei to lead them around the frat house unknowingly helping Sasuke search for his childhood mentor, he blinked away his train of thought and realized he was being watched.

Not overtly, mind you. But there were definitely eyes checking him out. The jock near the front door. The brunette that had on way too much eye shadow in the clique circle to his left and the neckbeard by the staircase.

Several others skimmed their eyes over Sasuke’s frame and face making him feel strangely exposed. Not sure if the looks were out of interest or suspicion that he was younger than the rest of them, Sasuke turned back toward the kitchen entrance and searched for any sign of Deidara.

His escort for the night was nowhere.

Shrugging off his awkwardness, Sasuke began to push his way to the left and the large archway that led to the other rooms in the house. Deidara would find him. Of that Sasuke was sure of.

He’d gotten a mere three feet away from the kitchen entrance before he bumped hard into a flash of red hair.

“Hey!”

_Shit._

Sasuke set his jaw and looked back at a pair of red-violet eyes.

The scowl on the girl’s face faltered. “Hey, how’s it going?”

Sasuke blinked.

“You bumped into me, asshole. The least you could do is tell me your name.” The redhead turned to fully face Sasuke and stood leaning into her hip as she eyed Sasuke from head to toe with a slow smirk falling across her lips. “And if you get me a drink and I might forgive you.”

It took Sasuke only a second to realize that, A) this girl was flirting with him and B) she wasn’t the type to take no thanks, for an answer.

“I’m gay,” he blurted out and the girl stared at him wide-eyed.

“The fuck you say,” she said smiling and put her hands on her hips.

“The fuck _I_ say.”

Sasuke turned and saw Deidara behind him. When he looked back at the redheaded girl, Sasuke felt Dei’s hand slide around his waist and tug at him.

“Go find someone from your own species,” Deidara said and pulled Sasuke away from the redhead and around the group of bodies that stood between them and the next room.

“Asshole!” They both heard shouted above the music but neither turned around.

“Got bored, huh?” Deidara said into Sasuke’s ear. His mouth whispered over the flesh of Sasuke’s ear and sent a phalanx of goosebumps down his back.

Confused by the feeling, Sasuke tried to pull away, but Deidara only held on.

“When we get through the crowd, I’ll ease up, promise.” Again Deidara pressed his mouth close to Sasuke’s ear. “Don’t worry, princess, I ain’t gonna manhandle you,” Deidara laughed. “Unless of course you want me to,” he added, pulling back and winking.

“Tch.” Sasuke rolled his eyes and relaxed into Deidara’s grip.

His first date. His first declaration of his sexuality -out loud- and his first college rager. Sasuke had to admit, if he was going for the, From Teen To Adult world record, he was definitely in the running for the title.

As strange as Deidara’s hand felt around his waist, it was nothing compared to the conflicting emotions of wanting to find Naruto and not wanting Dei to let go.

Sasuke frowned. It had to be a puberty glitch. He’d read about how males his age were prone to get excited over a gust a wind rather than anything in particular. For all he knew, these new experiences mixed with his curiosity and anxiousness could’ve caused his hormones to kick in, making him feel like the heat from Deidara's hand was sending explosive tinglings throughout his body.

“Once we hit the game room, there’ll be a door to the patio and we can probably find somewhere to sit.” Deidara’s mouth pushed out the words, sending warm breath to Sasuke’s neck and he shivered.

In the next room a large pool table stood in the center and off at the far end was the patio door Deidara had mentioned. The large glass window to the left of the door showed the lighted backyard and obvious smoking section.

Sasuke could feel eyes on him. Like meat under glass, attention from the other side of the glass wall followed as he and Deidara made their way to the door.

At first, Sasuke’s nerves twitched. He became aware that Deidara’s arm was still around his waist and that Dei was still leaning in too close. But when he gave each stare a bit more attention, he noticed the way their eyes were drawn to just below his belt.

_Are they…?_

Sasuke’s eyes flicked forward and he tried to fight against the heat rising in his cheeks. His fellow party-goers were checking out his ass, Deidara’s ass, and the way they both filled out their jeans in the back… and front.

Seconds later, Deidara pulled him out the door and into the cool night air.

“Over here,” Deidara said low and let go of Sasuke’s waist.

Relief and disappointment competed as Sasuke followed his date to the brick retaining wall that surrounded the entire yard.

Still not fully comprehending exactly what he was feeling, Sasuke watched Deidara take a seat on the wall and stood next to him; blank faced and waiting.

“Oh!” Deidara held out his other hand and Sasuke saw he had three longnecks in his grip. “One’s a coke.”

Sasuke raised his brows at his party cohort.

“In case you didn’t want a beer.”

When Sasuke made no move to take one, Deidara sighed. “Look, they’re not open. I ain’t gonna spike your shit, kay? They’re twist-offs. And the coke…” Dei stuck his other hand into his jeans pocket and fished out his car keys. “I got one of those -”

“Thanks.” Sasuke reached for the coke and the beer.

Deidara gave him a small grin and used his keychain to open the soda. When the cap tumbled to the ground, he eyed the beer in Sasuke’s other hand.

“In case I change my mind,” Sasuke said. He lifted the coke to his lips and took a long drink. Vaguely he heard Deidara laughing but his eyes were again searching; seeking out the reason he’d bothered to get all dressed up in the first place.

“You can sit if you want. I don’t fucking bite.”

Sasuke jerked his head back to his date and saw the distinctly interested look in Deidara’s eyes.

“I don’t know why you called and invited me but I get the feeling I wasn’t the reason why.”

A sharp wash of guilt rose up in Sasuke. He sat down and looked away.

Now that he was on the other side of the large window he understood its appeal. Being on the outside looking in was voyeuristically appealing. Without the sound from those inside the game room, it was far easier to decipher the people at the party. It was like the game he played at home, turning off the sound to a movie to see just how the actors measured up. Without the distraction of the voices and cinematic music meant to elicit a specific emotion from the viewer, you could easily pick out the bullshit acting in most any movie.

It was the same here at the frat party. Girls fake-laughing their way through social interactions. Side glances from guys to someone elses girl. A girl overly flirtatious with the oblivious alpha male lining up his shot at the pool table who seemed to only be interested in making his buddies laugh… even if at said girls expense.

The casual pantomime of well-learned high school hierarchy behavior put to its ultimate test.

“I don’t know why I called you.” Sasuke didn’t pull his gaze from the window. “Is that wrong?”

A few seconds of silence from Deidara caused Sasuke to turn and face him.

“Nah, it’s fine,” he said. “But will you at least tell me who you’re looking for?”

“How -”

Deidara laughed. “I heard somewhere that you’re supposed to be this fucking Savant or some shit, but for a genius, I’ve gotta say, you’re not too cool with the social skills.”

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?” Sasuke scowled but Deidara just smiled back at him.

“It means that if you look around, you can tell nobody here gives a flying fuck about who they’re here with. They’re all faking. Smiling and putting up a good front.” Deidara shrugged. “It may be bullshit but it’s what people do.”

Deidara sipped his beer and then pointed it at Sasuke. “Except for you.”

Sasuke said nothing.

“You don’t even try to hide the fact that you could care less about being here with me or that you’re scoping out the party for someone else.”

“I’m not -”

“Yeah you are, but it’s alright.”

Sasuke stared at him. Maybe getting Deidara to bring him here was a bad idea.

Deidara looked out into the yard. “If you wanted to make someone else jealous, all you had to do was say so. At least with the truth, I could have the choice of whether or not I wanna go along with the game. All the secretive shit just makes me look a fool rather than a willing participant.”

“You’d be a willing participant?”

Deidara faced him. “Got nothing else to do and who knows, might be fun.” He gave Sasuke a sly smirk and leaned in, nudging Sasuke’s leg.

Sasuke again turned away and tried to not scan the party of any sign of Naruto. “If I were… looking for someone…”

“To make jealous,” Deidara added and Sasuke did his best to keep face neutral.

“How would you be able to help?” The rush of words fell out of Sasuke’s mouth and his heart rate immediately responded at the prospect.

Movement from the corner of his eye made Sasuke still. First he felt a small brush against his thigh, then a warm press of Deidara’s body into his right arm and shoulder.

Deidara leaned in and spoke low into Sasuke’s ear. “By being _extremely_ convincing.”

Sasuke swallowed and wondered at the feeling of Deidara’s lips on his earlobe. His heart picked up its pace and he looked around surprised that no one at the party seemed to notice or care about the way Deidara took his time to nuzzle Sasuke’s neck before pulling back.

The sensation was... curious.

It was the first time Sasuke entertained the thought of what it might be like to make out with someone. Hell, it was the first time Sasuke explored his sexuality in any way. He jerked off before, countless times to be honest, but the idea of having another guy to experience those things with, really hadn’t been a priority of his. Something else had always been more pressing. More important than his approaching adolescence.

He stared back at Deidara and opened his mouth when a loud muffled shout came from inside the house.

“Naru! Naru! Best two outta three! C’mon!”

Sasuke froze and closed his mouth.

Deidara gave him a look but Sasuke shook his head. “Nothing.”

His heart was pounding. Could that be Kiba shouting for Naruto? Sasuke was hesitant to look. The last thing he wanted was to alert Deidara and get brutally teased for stalking their psychology professor. _How fucking cliche,_ he thought as he tried to steady his breathing and calm himself.

Setting his coke aside, Sasuke twisted off the top to the beer Dei had given him and took a hard drink, cringing from the bitter taste as he drank off half the bottle.

“Easy!” Deidara laughed. “I’d rather have you sober than drunk. I ain’t cool with the whole dub-con thing.”

Sasuke didn’t know the expression and with a confused look on his face, cast his eyes back to the picture window and saw a familiar head of blond hair.

He was there. On the farthest end of the pool table with a pool stick in his hands and planted on the ground in front of his face so he could slightly lean on it like a long walking stick.

And as Sasuke took in the face of his old mentor, all bravado and anxiousness left him.

Naruto wasn’t happy.

It wasn’t blatant. Not like the man was frowning. In fact, there was a smile plastered across Naruto’s face and Sasuke saw him laughing several times as he watched from outside, but the laughter never reached Naruto’s eyes. It didn’t so much as crack a crinkle around his bright blues and a strong urge to go to his old friend filled Sasuke like a fire.

“No fucking shit.”

Sasuke turned back to Dei but he was looking straight ahead and through the window.

“Dei…”

“You got the hots for teacher?”

“Dei.”

“That’s some hardcore shit, Sasuke. I gotta admit, I’m genuinely impressed. I’d never have pegged you for a -”

“For a _what?”_ Sasuke stood up and faced him.

“Well fuck. I don’t know!” Deidara laughed. “What do you call someone your age going after someone _his_ age?” Deidara scratched is head. “Hey, calm down, kay? I ain’t gonna bust ya for it and I ain’t gonna say shit to anyone.”

Sasuke turned from Dei and drank off the rest of his beer.

“Hey, gimme that.” Deidara was suddenly standing behind him and took the bottle from Sasuke.

“Don’t worry. I’ll help ya out.”

Sasuke felt Deidara’s hands gently slide around his waist and he turned in his arms. “Why would you help me? You don’t even know why I’m here.”

“I know what crushes are like. And I know what it’s like to fall for someone older.”

Sasuke’s jaw tightened.

“And I know that depending on what he’s really like,” Deidara jerked his chin in Naruto’s direction. “You may not get any further than some naughty texting.”

“He’s not…”

“Maybe he’s a good guy. Maybe he’s not. I don’t like to judge.” Deidara circled his arms around Sasuke. “But whatever type of guy he is… do you really know what you’re doing?” He spoke soft and tilted his head, angling his mouth to press his lips to Sasuke’s cheek.

Sasuke shivered but didn’t pull away.

“How can you expect to get the attention from a man like that if you don’t even know what the fuck you’re doing?” Deidara used his tongue to swipe Sasuke’s neck and then quickly suck at the moistened skin.

Sasuke’s hands slapped onto Deidara’s hips and squeezed at the skin. “Don’t,” he said and noticed his voice sounded strained.

Dei loosened his hold and pulled back to look in Sasuke’s darkened eyes. “Rather not waste a good show?” He asked and looked over Sasuke’s shoulder to where their professor was.

Sasuke looked behind him and saw Naruto still near the pool table. Same pool stick. Same uninterested expression.

“C’mon. I have an idea.”

Deidara took Sasuke’s hand and pulled him toward the door leading back inside the frat house.

“Just relax. And trust me.”

As Dei opened the door, the rush of noise hit Sasuke. Bodies moved past them and they pushed their way around those heading out as they headed in.

Still slightly dazed from he beer and Deidara’s attention, Sasuke didn’t put up a fight when he felt a warm arm sling around him and a hand slide into his back jean pocket. With a squeeze of his ass, Deidara leaned into the crook of Sasuke’s neck and held him in place for a few seconds before moving through the doorway.

“Just making sure he notices,” Deidara said quietly and kissed the flesh just behind Sasuke’s ear.

Sasuke closed his eyes to the feeling and his stomach flipped at the idea of Naruto watching. It was too much. The idea of it. The truth of what it meant. Yes, he followed him to the party and yes he wanted Naruto to see him with Deidara and…

_Be jealous?_

The beer he drank was wearing off and Sasuke’s mind jump started as his thoughts began to race. Was this why he’d been angry? Was this how he’d always felt? And what would he do if Naruto didn’t care? What would happen if there was no jealousy to be had?

Frowning at the thought, Sasuke felt Deidara tug again.

“Don’t look back. He spotted us.”

Another squeeze to his ass and he and Deidara were moving again.

“I know a place.”

_He sees me._

“He’ll be able to watch us.”

_Oh God._

“If that’s what he likes,” Deidara laughed and looked over at Sasuke’s flushed face. “If that’s what _you_ like,” he added and leaned in to try and get Sasuke to look at him.

Laughter rumbled from Dei and deeper into the house they went.

“Here.”

They easily moved down a hallway to their left and into a dark walk-in alcove.

“Laundry room,” Sasuke said.

“Yeah.” Deidara went inside and spun Sasuke out in front of him and backed him into the corner.

The light in the laundry room was sparse and the shadows only revealed what moved within them. Next to the bags of clothes and hanging sports uniforms, Sasuke and Dei were barely recognizable.

“With your back to the wall, you’ll be able to see if he comes to the door,” Deidara said against the ivory slope of Sasuke’s neck. He licked it and gently bit the skin.

“Ssss…” A small flex of Sasuke’s hips gave him away and he felt Deidara’s mouth curve against his throat.

“You like that idea, don’t you?” Sasuke felt Dei press his body fully against him and suddenly one of his arms was pinned over his head.

_Oh shit. Why does this feel like…_

“You want him to watch you, Sasuke? Watch _us?”_ Dei moved his leg so it slotted between Sasuke’s and pushed his thigh into the hardness inside Sasuke’s jeans. “Mmm… I think you do.”

Sasuke closed his eyes and arched his head back. Deidara was doing things to him. Things he’d only read about or guessed at. He wouldn’t deny -at least to himself- that it felt good, amazing even. But at Deidara’s words that what he’d really like is if Naruto was watching, Sasuke’s need began to bubble and boil over.

“What if I…” Deidara’s free hand crept underneath Sasuke’s shirt and the warmth from his hand on his skin made Sasuke pant. “Do you want him to see what you look like when…”

Sasuke felt his shirt pulled up, and his breath quickened at the cool air washing over his skin. Deidara’s mouth sucked and nipped as it sought out the exposed pert nipple and licked it.

_“Oh shit.”_

“Like that?”

Deidara flicked the nipple with his tongue and sucked hard at it, making Sasuke squirm. A low moan left his throat and his eyes flitted open and instantly locked onto the outline of someone inside the alcove… watching.

 

* * *

 

 

<https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL02yEN0tD_2pKRnV26CPWN5dcQZRi0sVm>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I have no beta for this fic so please forgive any and all fuckups.**
> 
> **I don't own Naruto but this story is mine, bitches**
> 
> A/N - So here's the thing. I wanted to end the chapter with the end of the party but I thought, hey, wouldn't it be awesome to end it here instead? LOL Yes, I'm an evil bitch but I had to make sure you'd come back for more, didn't I? And at least the fic is finally picking up some pace so why not enjoy the edging? Just remember, Dear Reader, no matter what you think will happen next chapter or the chapter after that, please keep in mind this is a slow burn. I'm gonna drag your ass to the very end of the desert before I quench your thirst so get comfy and enjoy the ride. Love and blessings to those of you waiting on each chapter post. I love you all. 
> 
> T.


	7. The Powder Kegger

_"I knew who you were from the start, but now I don't know who you are..." - Concrete Angel, Gareth Emery_

 

* * *

 

 

The novelty of the evening had worn off by the time Naruto broke for the game of pool. He found amusement in Kiba’s attempt to woo his twenty one year old grad student date with cheesy one liners but couldn’t shake the feeling that as a teacher, attending a frat party was probably not a good idea.

"Just a couple of hours," Kiba had told him when they met at the New Leaf. Naruto reluctantly agreed but now standing in the middle of a kegger while trying to keep interest in a game of pool, the word, _interloper_ , kept preying on his mind.

Naruto didn’t want to pull out his phone and glance at the time… again. Kiba’s caught him at it once and promptly scolded, _“C’mon, man! It’s just one night! I drove all this way!”_ The pleading in his friend’s voice had made Naruto a bit ashamed. Kiba was apartment-sitting for him and was a good friend. The least Naruto could do was hang with him for one Friday night.

So instead of reaching for his cell, Naruto propped himself up with a pool stick and did his best to be good company.

“Naru! Naru! Best two outta three! C’mon!” Kiba raised his beer in exaltation, a town cryer in search of a willing ear.

“Heh, nah man. I’m gonna sit this one out. I’ll take winner next round.” Naruto flashed his smile and Kiba waved an arm of resignation at him.

“Alright, okay.”

Of course Naruto hoped someone else would come up and make a challenge for next match and he’d be able to bow out without a protest from Kiba.

Originally, Naruto thought the distraction would do him some good. After all, his visit to the campus library had ended up putting him directly in Sasuke’s line of fire. To make matters worse, the damn kid seemed to be able to read Naruto like a book and any chance of playing off his anxiousness as nothing more than school stress had vanished with one look from Sasuke’s dark brooding eyes.

At least here, he didn’t have to worry about facing off with Sasuke’s keen gaze and sharp tongue.

Taking in a deep sigh, Naruto let it out and wondered if Shikamaru was right. Maybe Naruto should give his shrink a call. He had three days until his next class. A quick trip to Santa Barbara might do him some good.

 _“And why does his presence bother you?”_ He could hear his shrink now. Digging at him with those relentless obvious questions they both already knew the answer to but were unwilling to forego the patient-doctor tango they had become accustomed to.

“Shit! Did you see that?”

Kiba pointed at the corner pocket and Naruto grinned and stood up straight. “Fucking brilliant, Keebs!”

His friend puffed up and turned to his date and tugged her in for a quick kiss to her cheek. “My lucky charm.”

“You’re full of shit, Kiba,” she laughed and playfully squeezed him back.

“Yeah but brown is your favorite color, baby.”

Everyone within earshot busted out laughing and Naruto shook his head at his friend.

Maybe putting some effort into trying to have a good time like his friend was a better plan than standing off to the side sulking like some junior high wallflower.

Making up his mind, Naruto pulled out his wallet and looked for a ten-spot he could wager Kiba to try and make the shot again when the door to the patio pushed open and a gust of cold air washed over him, causing him to look up and freeze at the sight of one of his students… Deide… Deirde-something.

With his wallet still open, Naruto stared, wondering if Dei-something would notice him and he’d have to make with the, _I’m not spying or perving on-I swear I’m only here with a friend_ speech, when he noticed who the blond from his class was openly groping.

As the seconds stretched, a blazing heat flashed through Naruto starting in his gut and shooting up to the tips of his ears. His scalp tingled as each hair rose in attention and his eyes narrowed at what it was he was seeing. With his eyes otherwise engaged, his ears suddenly stopped working and Naruto could hear nothing but the slamming of his heartbeat reverberating from his chest and pushing out his throat. He didn’t hear Dei-something laugh out loud before pressing his lips to Sasuke’s neck. He didn’t hear, _Like I Would_ blaring from the frat house speakers and he didn’t hear Kiba asking him what was wrong.

Somehow Naruto’s wallet found its way back into his pocket. He was aware he was moving but absolutely no thought of his went into the process. The only noise inside Naruto’s head was a low buzzing sound punctuated by the bass beats of his heart. His eyes latched onto the way Dei-something had his hand on Sasuke’s ass and then back up to the way Sasuke was being pulled down a low lit hallway of a college frat house.

It had been some years since Naruto felt the warm blanket of rage. His shrink had tried to get Naruto to quit associating his anger with comfort but it was the one tie from his past he could never seem to sever. When the bright light of his rage enveloped him, everything else disappeared. His anxiety. His doubt. His fear.

And now with his old familiar friend coursing through his veins, reminding Naruto that blind release would take him farther away from all those pestering thoughts that just never seemed to shut the fuck up, Naruto’s blue eyes crinkled around the edges as the image Dei-something lying bruised and bloody at his feet flashed through his head.

Tracking the scene in front of him, Naruto rushed after and into the alcove and abruptly stopped at what he saw. Pinned against the wall, was Sasuke writhing with his eyes screwed shut while Dei-something pawed at him and…

“Like that?”

“Dei... wait...”

Reality slammed into Naruto’s brain, rushing music, laughter and Sasuke’s voice through his ears like a hurricane.

“Hmm?”

“He. Said. Wait.” Naruto’s voice was even and firm. He moved forward and broadswiped Dei-something clean off Sasuke, throwing him up against the washing machine on the left.

“Jesus-what-the-fuck!”

“Naruto.” Sasuke pulled down his shirt and tried to clear his head. Everything was happening too fast. “Wait, Naruto.”

But Naruto was only interested in the kid in his grip. He tossed Dei-something down to the floor and stood over him. “He’s sixteen years old! What the fuck do you think you’re _doing?”_

“Oh shit,” Deidara said and raised his hands. “He said he was a freshman! I thought he was eighteen! Okay seventeen maybe but who the fuck gets into college at sixteen?”

“Has he been drinking? Did you give him something?” Naruto spun and faced Sasuke. “Did you take anything?”

Deidara sat up and paused when he saw Naruto turn back and shoot him a,  _don’t you dare try and make a run for it,_ look.

“No offense Mr. Uzumaki but Sasuke’s not a child. He asked _me_ out tonight. So I’d appreciate it if you’d stop accusing me like some fucking cradle robber.”

Deidara got to his feet and dusted off his jeans. “You’re the one at a college frat party,” Dei added and looked up at Naruto. “Hypocrite much?”

“Fuck you both.”

Naruto and Deidara turned and saw Sasuke turn and leave the small laundry room alcove.

“Sasuke!” Naruto moved away from Dei-something.

“He’s sixteen years old, teach. What’re _you_ gonna do?”

Naruto looked at his student. Something in the kid’s eyes made him almost change his mind about going after Sasuke. He shook away the question and hurried out and back into the party.

“Naruto! What the hell?”

But Kiba would have to wait. Naruto waved a dismissive hand at him. “I gotta go! Sorry, Keebs!” He shouted and pushed his way into the front living room and the dancing bodies of the party-goers.

He felt arms slink around his waist as pretty girls smiled up at him, spinning him to the left and right, turning him until he was finally able to slip away from the groping hands and move again through the collegiate sea and toward the front door where a spiky head of jet black hair was rushing out of the house.

“Excuse me. Hehe, oops. Sorry!”

Naruto made his way out the door and ran to the curb, scanning the streets. Just down the block he spotted Sasuke. The kid was in a dead sprint and not looking back.

*

It had only taken Naruto an extra minute to get into his car and go after Sasuke, but the kid had proved faster. First, Naruto went left down another darkened neighborhood street. He drove slow and with windows rolled down and music turned off, his eyes scouring every yard, hedge and driveway.

Nothing.

Giving up, he flung a bitch and drove back the other way. After four blocks, Naruto was just about to turn around and try another direction when he spotted a small park separating the fifth and sixth block. He pulled his car up to the curb and shut off the engine.

A recognizable figure sat still on one of the swings.

Naruto got out of his car. Careful not to slam his car door, he quietly made his way over dew soaked grass to where Sasuke sat on the rusty swing-set, digging his sneakers into the playground sand.

“I don’t want to talk to you.”

Naruto stopped.

“Just leave.”

“Sasuke, I’m sorry.”

The dark head of hair lifted and a pair of angry eyes glared at Naruto. “You embarrassed me. You act like you don’t care and then have the fucking nerve to -!”

“To what? Care about you? Do you know that Dei… Dedra…”

“Deidara!”

“Fine, Deidara! He’s nineteen!” Naruto walked closer to Sasuke. “Does Shisui know? Was he alright with you going out with a nineteen year old?”

“I’m not a fucking child.” Sasuke got up from the swing to leave but Naruto grabbed his arm.

“Then try to understand where adults are coming from when we ask you to please be careful with the chances you’re taking.”

Sasuke didn’t move and Naruto eased his grip and then let go of him.

“You’re right,” he said and Sasuke turned back and faced him.

“Fuck, I can’t believe I’m saying this.” Naruto’s head was pounding but he knew there was no point in lying. If anyone would be able to sniff out bullshit, it would be Sasuke.

“It’s not like sixteen year olds dating nineteen year olds is completely unimaginable. Yes, it happens all the time and it’s not always one taking advantage of the other. But Sasuke…”

Naruto ran a hand through his hair and walked over to the small wall surrounding the playground. He sat down and slumped as he cast his eyes up at Sasuke.

“I guess I just want more for you than some one night stand at a college frat party.” Naruto pulled his eyes down and looked at his hands. “I know it’s not right I take on this big brother-mentor role with you anymore, and truth be told, it’s exactly what the Center warned me about. But…”

Naruto looked up and saw Sasuke take a small step closer to him.

“It’s still no excuse. I apologize.”

Pulling his gaze away, Naruto stared at the ground. Shikamaru was right. Naruto needed to get his ass to his shrink and soon. Everything he thought he understood was suddenly spin-cycling through his mind, leaving him with more questions than answers.

The rage he felt when he saw Deidara with his hands _and mouth_ all over Sasuke...

The way the world faded to black except for whatever space Sasuke occupied.

This shit had to stop.

“Take me home?”

Naruto raised his head and saw Sasuke was now directly in front of him. The piercing orbs had lost their accusatory glare and were now filled with an emotion Naruto didn’t recognize. Even after all this time, Sasuke could still be a mystery, Naruto thought and smiled.

“Yeah. Of course.”

*

The car ride was anything but comfortable and in an effort to try and cut through the weirdness, Naruto turned on the radio and Gareth Emery’s Concrete Angel filled the car.

He let the music play and contemplated the night’s events. Or more accurately, his actions.

What the fuck had he been thinking? His shrink would be disappointed and Shikamaru might actually raise his voice if he knew how Naruto behaved. Practically assaulting a student. Interfering in Sasuke’s private life. The whole business was a mess and Naruto’s inappropriate reaction to Sasuke’s attempt at adolescent normalcy was shameful.

If there was any plus side to this fiasco, it was that Naruto now had proof that Sasuke’s interest in him was nothing more than their old mentor-student role and everyone -including himself- could finally let go of the notion that Sasuke was overly attached to Naruto.

“Could you drop me off down the street?”

Naruto turned down the music. “What’s wrong?”

He looked over at Sasuke but Sasuke was staring out the passenger window.

“I don’t want Shisui to think I lied to him. If he sees you dropping me off…”

“Oh,” Naruto said quietly. “Yeah, sure.” He turned on his blinker and exited the freeway. “I don’t like lying to your cousin but, I guess in this instance it would save you from having to explain why.”

Sasuke didn’t answer and Naruto turned right off the exit ramp.

“I suppose sooner or later we’d have to tell Shisui what happened but not tonight. Maybe once we both take some time and calm down. Look at things objectively, ya know?”

Naruto stopped at a red light.

“I should’ve listened to to everyone. Me thinking I have a right to stop you from growing up and claiming your adulthood isn’t right. You’re a few months from college. And you were right. I was still seeing you as a child that needs protecting.”

The sound of the car’s blinker ticked to the silence in the car.

“Sasuke? Are you okay?”

Naruto made a left down Sasuke’s street and pulled up to a nearby curb. He wanted to respect Sasuke’s request and turned off the engine and the headlights so as not to draw attention to the car.

“I’m not trying to get you to talk to me, okay?” Naruto began to feel panic set in. What sort of damage had he done to Sasuke’s state of mind?

“I don’t have a right to question your relationship with Deidara.”

“It’s not a relationship.”

Naruto blinked. “Okay. That’s fine too.”

“He likes me. I wanted to see what a college party was like. I called him.”

Sasuke stared out the windshield and Naruto got the feeling there was something he was missing.

“Heh, well just wanting to date is fine too. See what it’s like.” Naruto undid he seatbelt and shifted so he could face Sasuke better.

“You don’t owe me an explanation. What I did…”

“Wanting to protect me from being roofied or taken advantage of,” Sasuke said, still not taking his eyes from the front window.

“Yeah, well… I should have trusted that you knew what you were doing.” Naruto took in a deep breath. “But I have to say, for trying out your college wings, a frat party is a helluva way to ease into it all.”

Sasuke turned and faced him. “Haven’t you ever wanted to be someone else?”

“Uh, I don’t…” Shocked, Naruto’s brain stalled.

“To have someone see you as normal. Just like everyone else?” Sasuke undid his seatbelt and reached for the door handle. “It was nice,” he said and let go of the silver lever and looked back at Naruto.

“Having someone not care about my age or what happened to me four years ago.”

Naruto nodded and gave him a weak smile. “I suppose that makes a lot of -”

“You used to be that way.” Sasuke’s words rushed out and he sat still, his eyes stern.

“Me? I don’t -”

“You used to look at _me._ At Serenity. You would look and talk to me like an equal. You never once felt sorry for me or let me use my age as an excuse to not be interested in the world.” Sasuke’s breathing quickened and his frown pulled tighter. “What happened? What changed?”

“Sasuke, I don’t feel sorry for you. I’m proud of you and everything you’ve accomplished. I wish I could’ve been there for you after you left the clinic but we’ve been over that and why.”

“I’m not talking about that.” Sasuke closed his eyes and Naruto creased his.

Something was wrong. He was missing something. Whatever it was that Sasuke was finding hard to say -

“Do you remember that day by the lake? The day I told you about… what happened?”

Naruto swallowed. His throat suddenly dry. “I remember.”

“I think about that day a lot.” Sasuke looked away. Again, he cast his eyes out the windshield.

“Sasuke there’s no reason for you to hold onto that guilt. It wasn’t your fault.”

“God, would you shut up?” Sasuke turned around. “I know that. _You taught me that._ I’m talking about after. What we talked about after.”

Ice spiked through Naruto’s body and he froze. Partly terrified and partly confused. “Why? That doesn’t… Sasuke I didn’t mean -”

“Yes you did. I saw it then and I still see it now.” Sasuke turned in his seat. “You left me. Cut yourself off and then years later came back telling me how you thought about me and how I was doing and if I was alright.”

“Sasuke.”

“Did it ever cross your mind that you weren’t the only one worried?” Sasuke’s face flinched at his admission. “Did you think I didn’t care about how _you_ were doing?”

Naruto’s heart began to hitch and skip. He had to stop this conversation. Get out of the car. Now was not the time for those old memories. No. He didn’t want to remember.

“I saw you at the party!”

Naruto stared at Sasuke.

“That same look. The one you had that day by the lake.” Sasuke clenched his fists and Naruto opened his mouth to deny it but nothing would come.

“You say you wish you could’ve been there for me but who the hell was there for you!”

“Sasuke… you don’t know what you’re -”

“Yes I do!” Sasuke leaned forward. “You’re full of shit, ya know that? Pretending this whole time that you were doing what was best for me. That me needing you would fade away.”

Naruto shook his head. This was bad. He reached for the car’s ignition button. He had to get moving. Screw Shisui finding out. Naruto needed to drop off Sasuke now and drive away. He needed to get as far away from this conversation as he could.

Sasuke pulled Naruto’s hand away from the steering column and the two of them locked eyes.

“The truth is you needed me just as much as I needed you.”

Naruto’s blue eyes widened. “The party. Why that party? The same one I was at?” Naruto pulled his hand away. “You heard me talking with Kiba on the phone and… _you followed me?”_

“I wanted to -”

“What? Find out if I’d punch someone for trying anything with you? Manipulate me? Stalk me?” Naruto scrubbed his hands over his face. “Jesus fucking christ, this is fucked, you know that? I’m so fucked.”

“Naruto.”

“Please, Sasuke. You have to go home. Either walk from here or I’ll drop you off closer but you have to go. I need to… I can’t be here with you. Not like this.”

“Naruto.”

“What?”

Naruto lifted his head and looked at Sasuke who carefully leaned in and took Naruto’s face in both his hands.

Before Naruto could process what was happening, Sasuke kissed him.

A fraction of a second. Soft press of lips. Warm breath. A gentle nudge against Naruto’s cheek before a daring tongue tasted his bottom lip followed by a feather light kiss and then it was gone.

Sasuke bolted from the car. The sound of the door slamming after doing nothing to break Naruto’s petrified position in the driver’s seat.

Eyes wide and mouth open, he watched Sasuke run down the street to his house and go inside.

Naruto’s heart was coming out of his chest. What the fuck just happened?

 _What the fuck did I do?_ Naruto leaned into his steering wheel and covered his head with his hands. His chest began to heave and he closed his eyes. No. He promised himself he’d never cry again and he wasn’t going to now.

The party. Sasuke and Deidara. Sasuke’s confession and that day by the lake.

_He kissed me._

Naruto lifted his head and panic gripped him. Everything was fucked. He was fucked. His teaching career. Sasuke’s emotional well-being. All of it. Fucked.

He let go of the steering wheel and his hands began to shake. Blinking at them he tried to think. Shikamaru. Dr. Tsunade. Kiba.

Making up his mind, He reached for his cell and had to try four times before his password was accepted. Swallowing down the bile that threatened to join the party, Naruto ordered his stomach to not give into his nerves and he flipped through his phone contacts until he got to the K’s. He hit send and waited.

_“If you’ve reached my voicemail then you’ve called after office hours. Please leave me a message after the beep and I’ll get back to you during my normal office hours. If this is an emergency, please hang up and dial 911.”_

A high pitched sound rung out.

“Hey, it’s Naruto. I uh, know it’s been awhile but I need to see you. I have a few days til I have to be back at school so if you have any available time, call me back. If I leave tonight, I should be back in Santa Barbara before eight. I can meet you anytime after.”

Naruto opened his mouth to say more but instead tapped the end botton and tossed his phone to the passenger seat.

He breathed in deep and let it out slow. And again. And again.

If he was gonna drive back to the party to look for Kiba, he’d have to be calm and act like nothing was wrong.

He’d have to make sure he didn’t crash his car.

WIth a last look toward Sasuke’s house, Naruto’s fingers reached up and touched where Sasuke had kissed him. There was a faint feel of moisture on his bottom lip and he gently wiped it away.

Those questions would have to wait.

He pushed the ignition button on his Prius and drove off.

 

* * *

 

[Moirai Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL02yEN0tD_2pKRnV26CPWN5dcQZRi0sVm)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Please forgive any and all fuckups. I have no beta for this fic**
> 
> **I don't own, blah blah blah**
> 
> A/N: Yup! A super short chapter but never fear. It's all as planned. You see, up ahead are darkened roads with very few street lights to brighten the way. And those roads take a bit longer to map out so I thought this small tasty chapter might tide you over until the bigger meals come along. Your patience til then will be much appreciated and if I do my job correctly, greatly rewarded. I know you have lots of questions, Dear Reader and answers are coming! But like any worthwhile shrink will tell you, some memories have to be carefully excavated and not rushed. So let's hope Naruto can find his way and that he'll let us all peek inside that beautiful broken heart of his in the chapters to come. Til then, much love to those of you patiently waiting for each chapter. Blessings to you all.
> 
> Tandy.


	8. Prelude

 

_ “It’s hard to admit that everything just takes me back to when you were there…” Adele, When We Were Young _

 

* * *

For the first time in years, Naruto found himself thanking the powers that be. Because as fate would have it, by the time Naruto made it back to the party to find Kiba, his friend had sealed the deal with his date and told Naruto not to wait up.

Naruto slipped Kiba an extra room key and told him to let himself in and lock up when he left. 

“You got somewhere else to be?” His friend had asked.

“Might have some early morning tutoring. If you’re not back before I leave, lock up for me.”

“Uh-huh.” Kiba took the key but Naruto didn’t miss the questioning look from his knuckleheaded friend. 

“And you racing out of here earlier has nothing to do with your early morning date tomorrow?”

“It was just student of mine. He got sick. I wanted to help.” The warmth in Naruto’s cheeks threatened to give him away.

“Yeah, well, we’re gonna Uber it. So if I don’t see ya, thanks for hanging out tonight. Call more, kay?”

Naruto and Kiba did the whole, half-hug-back-slap-bro-goodbye out on the front lawn of the frat house and then waved at each other once Naruto drove off toward New Leaf Hotel, leaving Kiba and his date waiting for their Uber.

Now, barreling down North Hwy 101 at 5:17am, Naruto worried that leaving so suddenly may not have been the best course of action. 

But God, the anxiety. When Naruto got to his hotel after the party he couldn’t think. His nerves were like live wires that made him cringe with every movement. Pacing in his room, he felt edgy. A need to keep moving. Fidget. Do something or he’d fucking lose his mind!

Naruto checked his speed and eased up on the gas. Again. 

Every few miles the tension in his body would go full tilt and his hands would start to hurt and his stomach turn, making Naruto check his speed and realise he was pushing 98mph.  _ Again. _

Back at the hotel, he cleaned his tiny kitchen. Went for a run. Showered, shaved and packed. And when Naruto’s anxiety still didn’t let up, he decided he’d had enough and left. Kiba still hadn’t come back and Naruto figured if Kiba found the room empty and called bullshit at Naruto’s 5:30 in the morning study session, Naruto would just say he wanted to get in an early morning workout at the university before office hours.

_ “Oh, what a tangled web we weave,”  _ Naruto said to himself and cringed. 

The lies were already starting to build. Every scenario flipped through his mind. Possible consequences. Lectures and seminars, his early training at Serenity and all the way up to the cover to cover knowledge inside the textbook he was currently teaching in a college class. 

All of it flashed in front of him… and he began to hate himself.

His thoughts kept pace with his car. Mistakes at 80mph. Failures. High school’s twists and turns. His stay at Serenity. His first rave. His last one. Sakura. Dr. Tsunade. All the things he could’ve done different, flying past his window when without warning the face he still dared not name -not even within the safety of his thoughts- floated in from nowhere and sat itself in the passenger seat next to him. 

Naruto’s shaking fingers sought out the power window buttons and rolled them all down, then ticked up the speaker volume from his steering wheel.

Of course Naruto’s Prius was new, but his old 1982 Honda Hatchback had once held the familiar face that now haunted his new ride. The memories came back easily enough and as usual, the music helped provide the instant travel through time.

They bought that old Honda from some used car lot. 

Naruto remembered how the sales guy with the missing tooth ended up suckering them out of $1805 but Naruto didn’t care. God, how they had laughed all the way from the car lot to the beach over the way the sales guy kept whistling through his missing tooth.

_ “You’ll get no sswEEter deal than thiisss!” _

A weak smile crept onto Naruto’s face.

The abuse that little car took. The trouble it caused and places they went. Memory after memory flooded into his mind and too exhausted to fight the good fight, Naruto let his younger self embrace him completely. Back to when it was all new. Long before everything got complicated. Before everything went so horrifically wrong. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Please forgive any and all fuckups. I have no beta for this fic**  
> **I don't own Naruto but neither do you!**
> 
> A/N: YES I KNOW THIS IS TOO FUCKN SHORT!! But it's a Prelude. I have the next chapter already done and I'm trying to edit it as fast as I can. Which means it'll have plenty of typos and fuckups too. But the reason for this rush update was I got a little excited about the upcoming chapters and just had to post something. So I hope you enjoyed the Prelude. Chapter 9 is coming soon...
> 
> Love,  
> T.


	9. Angel-Headed Hipsters

 

_"Kinda like this game but there's something you should know..." - Dragonette, Hello_

 

* * *

 

 

Naruto slammed his hand down on the desk.

“Then I’ll show them all they’re wrong!”

Dr. Tsunade rolled her eyes and then leaned back in her chair. “Listen, brat. No one is going to take a fifteen year old seriously. Not in this business. You’re on the right track. One more year and high school will be behind you. I’ll do what I can to get you into the University here and after a few courses, the board will review your application.”

Naruto stood up. “But I’ve already done the volunteer work _and_ the summer lectures! You know I’d be great at Serenity. You taught me everything I know and what I didn’t learn from you, I learned busting my ass out there!”

“Naruto.”

“I hate them.”

Tsunade sighed. “You know you don’t.”

“Well, I should.” Naruto looked around the office and then back at his guardian. “You know better than anyone that I’d be great at this. No one has more drive than I do.”

“Naruto, at fifteen you just don’t have the life experience you’ll need once you join my staff.” Dr. Tsunade motioned for Naruto to sit back down.

“Tch.” Naruto sat and crossed his arms over his chest.

“We both know what you’ve been through. But you don’t know what else is out there. The children that come here are broken beyond your comprehension. You lost your family but some of these kids were betrayed by theirs. Could you handle that?”

Some of the fight left Naruto and he looked down. “You’re talking about abuse.”

Tsunade leaned forward. “Everything your parents left you. The way they tried to protect you to the very end by helping you survive the crash. Imagine what it must be like for children who’ve had the opposite. What some of the kids here have gone through is brutal. Even I have a hard time keeping my temper so I don’t go out and pay their families a visit.”

Naruto’s eyes snapped up.

“Yes, Naruto. I’ve thought about it many times. But that’s not what we do here. We have to remain calm. We’re here to help the kids, not ourselves.” Dr. Tsunade absentmindedly tapped her nails on her desk. “And no matter how good it would make me feel to repay those monsters in kind, I have to be what I need to be for my patients.”

“And you think I’m not mature enough to handle all that?” Naruto held his mentor’s eyes to his.

“I honestly don’t know.”

Naruto nodded. At least she was being honest. Since the day she found him in the warehouse after the crash, she had never lied to him.

“Naruto, you’ve made me proud. I’ve never regretted a single day since taking you in. But even I have to admit that at your age, interning at Serenity would be difficult for you.”

Tsunade got up from her chair. “Come on. We’ll go grab a couple of burgers and you can tell me all about how you’re going to show the board they’re full of shit.”

Naruto let out a weak chuckle. “You think you can buy me off with a burger?”

“Milkshake too?” Tsunade wrapped an arm around Naruto as they walked out of her office.

_“And fries.”_

“Brat.”

“Hag.”

*

After grabbing some food, Tsunade dropped Naruto off at the city Library per his request. If he was going to prove to everyone he that had what it took to be a Serenity intern, he’d have to push harder.

Having Dr. Tsunade as his legal guardian and keeping his nose clean by staying out of trouble -despite being a headstrong teenager, had given Naruto many opportunities. He’d been able to attend college lectures given by some of the best minds in psychotherapy. Hell, almost every book and journal in the field were at his fingertips and if he nagged Tsunade hard enough, she always brought home whatever book she didn’t have from the Serenity library.

It also didn’t hurt that once recruiters from various volunteer programs looked up his history, they all became awe-stricken by the boy with the tragic past now wanting to give something back. Of course Naruto didn’t like using his life story to get what he wanted but figured that part was on them. Other than Dr.Tsunade, he never told anyone about what happened to him when he was ten years old. If others found out and came to their own assumptions about Naruto’s drive and passion, then that was on them.

The doors to the public library slid open and Naruto tugged at his backpack. The damn thing was heavy and the sooner he could find an open desk, the better. He scanned the building and relaxed at the familiar dusty smell. What was it about books? That strange unplaceable smell that no other space other than a stockpile of books held.

His feet were quiet on the faded patchwork carpet and he aimed toward the far corner on the right side. If he could get one, he always preferred the tables near the back windows. The light there was easy on his eyes and the view, a great distraction when he needed a break from the books.

Two people were already at one of the desks on the left so Naruto aimed for the one on the right. It wouldn’t be the corner seat but at least there was a window next to it. The two kids next to him didn’t seem bothered by his approach so Naruto slung off his backpack and sat down. Then from the corner of his eye, Naruto caught a flash of bright red and turned.

Some guy with red hair and ripped blue jeans sat on top of the table next to Naruto and was talking quietly to a girl sitting in the chair next to him. Naruto couldn’t hear what they were saying though it looked like the girl was doing some heavy convincing.

It was the guy sitting on the desk that had Naruto’s attention.

The redhead was slim, almost pale. Naruto’s eyes skimmed down the guy’s black t-shirt to his sleeve tats and felt a spike of envy. Tattoos wouldn’t be a good look for a psychotherapist, Naruto thought, but fuck how he always wanted one. Or four.

Naruto smirked and pulled out his books and folder. Digging in his bag for a couple of pens, Naruto was still smiling when he looked back up to check out the redhead’s tats again when his eyes locked dead onto the guy now looking back at him.

“Hey.”

Naruto didn’t answer. He looked around and noticed the girl was now gone and only he and the guy with red hair remained at this end of the library. Naruto looked back at the guy and opened his mouth as he narrowed his eyes at -

“Eyeliner?” Naruto’s eyes went wide. “I’m, uh, I mean, heh, shit, no. I meant, hi but then I saw your eyeliner and totally cool by the way, but it just sorta slipped out and I don’t mean anything by it.”

The guy didn’t smile. He turned his whole body, sliding himself across the table top and dropped his legs over the edge facing Naruto. “Do you always get this flustered when someone catches you checking them out?”

“Huh? I wasn’t -”

“I saw you.”

“Tats!” Naruto shouted and someone from somewhere in the library shushed him. “I was checking out your cool sleeves,” Naruto said in a lowered tone and pointed at the redhead’s arms.

“I always wanted one and I guess I was looking too hard.” Naruto shrugged his shoulders. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you or anything.”

“Why would me thinking you were checking me out be offensive?”

The guy still didn’t smile and Naruto looked a little more closely at the guy to try and figure him out. Green eyes staring steadily from behind black liner. Small chin. Maybe sixteen? The guy’s expression, blank. Like no matter what answer Naruto gave, the guy across from him wouldn’t show the least bit of surprise.

“Bible-thumper?” Naruto gave the guy a nervous smile. “Anyway, nice tats.” He held the guy’s gaze for another second and then went back to his books.

Really great. Naruto tried push away the embarrassment of having some random guy think Naruto was scoping him out like a meal. _Not that there’s anything wrong with that,_ his mind immediately ponied up. Naruto scrunched up his face as he flipped open a book. He still didn’t really know what to do with the whole gay or straight thing.

There were girls he thought were cute and a couple guys he caught himself checking out once or twice downtown by the movie theater, but why did he have to pick a side? And now -if he was honest- added to his list was redheaded tattoo guy. He was kinda -

“Wanna see ‘em?”

Naruto’s head snapped up. The guy was standing next to him. The redhead raised his arm and Naruto looked at it.

“Is that the caterpillar from…?” Naruto snapped his fingers.

“Alice in Wonderland.”

“Yeah!” Again someone in the library shushed Naruto and he looked up at the redhead and rolled his eyes. “Ain’t never been cool with the quiet, ya know?”

“Evidently.”

Naruto’s eyes crinkled as he held in his laughter and looked again at the tattoos. “Oh, wow. You got like, all the characters blending into one another.”

The guy switched arms and Naruto sat up straight.

“You got Cowboy fucking Bebop?” Naruto’s voice barely managed to contain itself. “That’s the _Bang_ still-frame!” Naruto leaned to his right to get a better view. “And that’s the Bebop!”

Naruto’s eyes picked out every line and color and then looked up. “Yup. Officially jealous.”

The guy’s mouth finally twitched and Naruto wondered if that was as close to a smile as he was gonna get to see.

“You could get one,” the guy said.

“Maybe.” Naruto shrugged again and the guy pulled out a nearby chair and sat down.

Not knowing what to do, Naruto looked back at his book and fidgeted with his pen.

“Uh, so... what’s your name?” Naruto asked, still looking down at his book.

“Why?”

Naruto turned and rolled his eyes at him. “You’re the one who sat down.”

“And you were the one staring.”

“Fine.” Naruto moved his chair to fully face the redhead. “My name’s Naruto. Now will you tell me yours?”

“Meet me downtown tonight at eight and I’ll tell you.”

Naruto’s heart skipped. “What? Why? Why would I do that?”

“Why do you wanna know my name?”

Naruto stared, mouth open then dropped his eyes and turned back to his books. “I can’t. I gotta study. I got a year to prove everyone wrong and -” Naruto snapped his mouth shut. Why did he just tell some stranger about his plans? He shook his head. “Thanks though.”

“I’ll be at the AMC theater at eight.”

Naruto took in a deep breath and turned back to him but the guy with the red hair and cool tats was already walking away. Naruto frowned. Did that guy just ask him out? A warm flush rose in Naruto’s cheeks. Did that just happen? Naruto wasn’t even sure he was gay! Well, maybe a little gay, but still, how the fuck did this guy know what Naruto was when -

“This is stupid,” Naruto said to himself and flipped through the pages in his book.

What did it even matter if the guy did ask him out? Gay, straight, homosapien, whatever. Naruto didn’t have time to think about all that shit.

Tsunade told Naruto he had to wait another two years before he would be considered by the Serenity Board. If he wanted to take college courses _and_ intern his first year, Naruto would have to bust his ass. He could do more volunteer hours. He had enough energy to pick up more shifts at the shelter if he wanted. Christmas was two months away. They always needed more help during the holidays.

“I can’t go to some movie tonight,” he mumbled. _With a guy._

Naruto stared at his books and again tried to focus.

*

The downtown promenade wasn’t nearly as busy as it had been before school started up again so Naruto had no problem rushing through the crowd trying to get to the theater. The all-day debate over whether he should show up or not, finally ended when he grabbed his jacket and ran out the front door of his house at thirty minutes past 7.

Naruto waited too long to make up his mind. It took him thirty minutes to get downtown and from the boardwalk to the AMC it was at least another five. Why did he change his mind?

“Hey!”

“My bad!” Naruto stuck a hand in the air and waved but didn’t look back. Stopping to apologize for barely a nudge would cost him precious seconds. Naruto looked at cell phone. 8:03.

_Shit._

Just past the large planter and the You Are Here map, Naruto cut left and slowed. Directly in front of him, all lit up with bright yellow and white bulbs, was the theater and no sign of Mr. Red Hair among the sparse crowd.

Fat lot of good it did him to run most of the way, Naruto thought. Either the guy was too proud to wait or he never showed at all. Whatever the reason, Naruto was now walking toward the box office scanning the area, already knowing he was alone and in for a shitty walk home.

“Hey.”

Naruto spun around and then smiled at the familiar face. “Hey.”

“Do you like poetry?”

“Huh?” Naruto chuckled. “I don’t know. I had to learn some of that Shakespeare shit not too long ago and it was a bit over my head. Other than that, I don’t know.”

“I got two passes to Howl with James Franco.” The guy with the red hair held up the tickets.

“Sure. But if it’s over my head, you’ll have to explain it to me after.”

The guy gave him a small smile.

“Hey! You do know how to smile! Thank God. I was starting to get worried.”

“Why?”

“Oh, hey.” Naruto put his hands out in front of him in a stop manner. “I just meant that I thought I was losing my touch. I usually don’t have much trouble making people laugh.”

“I can see that about you,” the redhead said and started walking toward the theater entrance. “My name’s Gaara.”

Following him, Naruto pushed his hands into his jean pockets and smiled.

“Thanks for the invite... Gaara.”

 

*

 

The strawberry lemonade was tart and Naruto licked the sour from his lips as he thought about his answer.

“I did,” Naruto finally said. “Some of the lines of poetry I won’t even pretend I understood but when the guys were testifying and explaining it, I realised that the poem was about the human condition.”

Gaara stared back but said nothing.

“I mean all that _‘holy, holy, holy, holy, holy’_ stuff and the drugs and the sex -regardless of who it was with,” Naruto said and wagged his brows.

Gaara fought against a smile.

“It was what Ginsberg went through. He and his friends. Things we all go through.”

“Familiar with the hedonistic scene are you?” Gaara said and smoked his cigarette.

“No but we all have different…”

“Experiences?” Gaara offered.

“Specifics,” Naruto said. “Maybe I haven’t done heroin or traveled across America -”

“Maybe?”

Naruto rolled his eyes. “But we all experience rage, addiction and jealousy and loneliness and love.”

Gaara took another hit off his cig and blew it out; still staring at Naruto and saying nothing.

“Oh, fuck it then, I don’t know.” Naruto laughed at himself. “Whatever it was about, I liked it. It was honest.”

Gaara flicked the ash from his cigarette. “What you said made sense. I was just wondering how you got so smart.”

Naruto laughed. “Me smart?” He took a sip from his drink. “I have to handwrite thousands of notes for whatever I read just to get it to stick in my head.”

“Then why do it?”

Naruto leaned back in his chair. “I have a goal in mind and in order to get it, I gotta work harder than everyone else.”

“What’s the rush?”

Naruto’s fingers flicked at his straw then stopped and he looked up. “I don’t know. It’s like…” he tilted his head. “It’s like there’s something inside that's pushing me. Making me feel like I gotta hurry. Like I’m not moving fast enough.”

“Like if you sit still, you’ll go crazy.”

“Yeah.”

The two stared at each other until Naruto felt his cheeks start to warm and he looked away and at the people passing by.

“It’s like…” Naruto swallowed and looked down at his shoes. “I feel like I have to get into Serenity as soon as I can. Like I’m supposed to do something with my life there.”

“The clinic.”

“Yeah.”

“You mean like fate?” Gaara asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe. Is that weird?” Naruto peered up at him.

Gaara shook his head. “Nah, it’s not weird.”

Naruto’s face relaxed.

“You study a lot?” Gaara crossed his legs, placing his right ankle over his left knee.

“Yeah.” Naruto picked up his drink. “What about you? What school do you go to?”

“I don’t,” Gaara said and blew out more smoke. He dropped the cigarette on the ground and crushed it with his boot.

“What do you mean, you don’t?”

“I dropped out a couple of years ago and never went back. Didn’t see the point.”

Sitting up, Naruto creased his brows at his new friend. “A couple of years ago? So, what, you dropped out of junior high?”

Gaara had been reaching into his jacket for another smoke and stopped. He looked at Naruto. “How old do you think I am?”

“Sixteen?” Naruto guessed. “Don’t tell me your seventeen cuz you seriously don’t look old enough to -”

“How old are you?”

A weird nervousness went through Naruto at the question. “Heh, what do you mean? How old do you think I am?”

“Seventeen or eighteen.” Gaara’s fingers were still working on freeing a cigarette but his eyes were glued to Naruto.

“What? Ha! No way!” Naruto let out a loud laugh and even slapped the table. “I’m fifteen!” Naruto laughed harder until he saw Gaara’s face and immediately quieted. “What?”

“I’m eighteen. I’ll be nineteen in January.”

Both of them sat still. The tables they were at were thankfully at the far end of the promenade so other than a few scattered people, Gaara and Naruto were alone.

“I turn sixteen on the 10th,” Naruto said and looked up from his drink.

“Not quite the same thing, is it?” Gaara answered and lit another cigarette.

“Heh, I guess not.” Naruto chewed on his bottom lip. “Yeah, well, it was just a movie. Not like there’s anything wrong with two friends going to -”

“Come out with me Saturday night.”

“What?” Naruto leaned forward and lowered his voice. “My gran would kill me if she found out I was out with an eighteen year old tonight and you want me to meet you again?”

“You live with your grandmother?”

Naruto leaned back. “Nah, she’s not my real grandmother. She’s my legal guardian but sometimes I call her granny cuz it pisses her off.”

The corner of Gaara’s mouth quirked up. He then pulled a hit from his smoke and instead of re-crossing his legs, he raised his knee to place his foot on the seat of the chair. “What happened to your parents?”

Just for a second, Naruto was distracted by the smooth skin peeking through the holes in Gaara’s jeans. He thought he saw more tattoos but then suddenly processed the question he was being asked and looked away.

“They’re not around,” Naruto said and shook his empty cup. He got up from the table and went to the trash bin and threw it away.

“I don’t know if I can meet you on Saturday. I work at a shelter every weekend and I kind of have a 12am curfew.”

A bit embarrassed, Naruto stayed standing by the trash can. His heart wasn’t exactly racing but it wasn’t idle either. It was doing this strange _skip-pound_ thing. Whenever Gaara’s green eyes settled on Naruto, he felt his heart skip at which point his mind would repeat the words,  _eighteen... nineteen in January_ , and a hard pounding would start thumping inside his chest.

“I mean it’s not that I don’t want to…” Naruto added.

“Do you ever get to do the things you want to do?” Gaara asked him.

Naruto frowned. “I _am_ doing what I want. Like I said, I have a goal. Something I want to accomplish in my life and I’m not gonna let some cute guy get in the way of that.”

“You think I’m cute?” Gaara leaned back into his chair and gently tapped the cigarette in his hand on the table. His face didn’t change but Naruto was sure some of the intensity faded from Gaara’s eyes.

Naruto glanced down at his sneakers. “Maybe,” he said and looked up.

Gaara gave Naruto a small smile and then got up from his seat. “C’mon. I’ll walk you home.”

Naruto followed him and then stopped. “How’d you know I walked?”

Gaara lifted one of his tatted arms and pointed at the fountain at the end of the boardwalk. “I was standing on the fountain wall keeping a lookout for you. I saw you running.”

“I wasn’t running,” Naruto said and shoved his hands into his pockets.

“I got here an hour before you did.”

Naruto looked at him but Gaara kept his eyes straight ahead.

“I would’a waited another two.”

That damn _skip-pound_ was at it again and Naruto pulled his eyes from the redhead and looked ahead. As the fountain got closer, he scrunched up his face in thought.

“So when you asked me to meet you here…”

“I was asking you out.”

_Skip-pound._

“And so Saturday night…”

“Would be date number two.”

_Skip-pound-skip._

They passed the fountain and headed out to the main street. Cars drove past and the headlights made them both squint at the traffic. Gaara waited at the sidewalk for Naruto to choose which direction and when Naruto went right, Gaara followed.

“You’re the same height as me,” Naruto said as they passed under a streetlamp. “How can you be eighteen and look my age?”

“How can you be fifteen and look _my_ age?” Gaara flicked his cigarette into the gutter but didn’t take out another one. “Are you on the football team?”

“Me?” Naruto laughed. “Nah. I like to run. My crazy uncle taught me how to lift weights so I do that sometimes too.”

“And that’s how you ended up looking like quarterback?”

Naruto laughed. “I also drink a lot of milk.”

“Clearly,” Gaara said and Naruto saw another small smile play on Gaara’s lips before disappearing.

“What about you?” Naruto asked. “You work out?”

“I dance.”

“Really? Like _dance,_ dance?” Naruto tripped on a lift in the sidewalk and stumbled. Gaara took hold of his arm and steadied him.

“Thanks.”

Gaara let go and they continued on. “I go to dance clubs and raves. I do mostly freestyle,” he said to Naruto.

“You go to raves?”

“Sometimes.”

They walked on and Naruto tried to think of how to again approach the age gap question. Gaara was going to nightclubs and raves and Naruto had to be home by twelve, school night or not.

“Does it bother you?” Gaara looked over at Naruto.

“Does what bother me?”

“That I’m eighteen and you’re fifteen.”

Naruto turned away and shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. I’m not exactly part of the rave scene. And you’re…”

“What?” Gaara asked and stepped off the curb to cross over to the residential block. He looked back at Naruto. “This way?”

Naruto nodded and followed him. “Well, you’re… going to raves! I’m not into anything like that so why would you be interested in me?”

Gaara stopped. “I like the way you talk. You’re honest. And funny and...”

“And?” Naruto waited.

“And it doesn’t have to be anything more than that if you don’t want it to be.” Gaara moved somewhat closer to Naruto. “It’s okay if you’re a little scared of my age.”

“I’m not,” Naruto said. “It’s just that I like talking to you too. You’re smart and easy to be with and…”

“And?” Gaara asked.

“And I don’t know if I _don’t_ want it to mean anything more,” Naruto admitted.

Gaara nodded and then continued down the sidewalk. “A double-negative from a kid graduating high school next year?”  

“I’m not a kid.” This time Naruto stopped. “And it sounded better in my head,” he muttered low.

Gaara smiled. “I’m sure it did. C’mon. I don’t wanna get you in trouble. It’d be a horrible way to end a first date.”

_Skip-pound._

They walked down the block and crossed once more to the left side of the street. Naruto slowed and stopped Gaara from going any further.

“My place is two houses up and that jeep Cherokee in the drive belongs to my guardian granny.” Naruto turned back to Gaara. “Thanks for the movie. And the soda.”

Naruto smiled and shuffled his feet. He knew from movies and T.V. that there was usually a kiss at the end of a date, but with this being his first date, Naruto really wasn’t sure how to go about the whole thing.

Did the age thing make a difference? Did Gaara _want_ to kiss him? What if Naruto did it wrong?

A soft hand took hold of Naruto’s hand and he looked up and into Gaara’s eyes.

“I’m not expecting anything except to see you again,” Gaara said and threaded his fingers with Naruto’s.

_Skip-skip-pound._

Gaara’s other hand pulled out his cell and entered Naruto’s name into his contact list. He handed his cell to Naruto who then entered his cell number and then gave it back when finished.

With one hand Gaara entered something else into his phone and with his other, he squeezed Naruto’s hand. Naruto squeezed back and then felt the buzz from his own cell phone coming from his back pocket.

“Now you have my number too.” Gaara lifted their joined hands and with a gentle caress, slowly pulled his hand free. “I’ll call you about Saturday.”

“But I’m working that night. I can’t,” Naruto said, suddenly missing the feel of Gaara’s hand in his.

“Then I’ll keep calling until you can.”

With his green eyes locked on Naruto’s blue ones, Gaara stared walking backwards. “See ya later, Naruto.”

After a few feet, Gaara turned around and walked back down the block. Naruto didn’t move to go inside. Instead he stood on the sidewalk and watched Gaara head toward the main street, _look back twice_ and then disappear around the corner.

_Skip-skip-pound-pound-skip._

 

* * *

 

Click here ======>     [MOIRAI PLAYLIST](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL02yEN0tD_2pKRnV26CPWN5dcQZRi0sVm)

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Please forgive any and all fuckups. I have no beta for this fic**  
> **I don't own, make no money and do this solely for the fun of it**
> 
> A/N - Holy shit I stayed up to finish this so if you don't like it, I DONT WANNA KNOW!! LOL If you haven't figured it out by now, this chapter is a flashback. And yes, there will be more. I have no idea how long Naruto will keep us in his past while he drives down Highway 101 so buckle up. He's pushing down on the gas pedal and we're all coming along for the ride. Enjoy the playlist while you wait for the next chapter! Love and blessings to you all.
> 
> Tandy


	10. Control

 

 _"Crash into me at full speed."_ _Avicii, Collide_

 

* * *

 

 

 

_What are you doing?_

8:15pm

 

Hey! Sry got busy. Im at the shelter. Whatr u doing?

8:32pm

 

_At Spotlight. 18+ club. You should’ve come. Dj’s pretty good._

8:33pm

 

Not 18 yet

8:35pm

 

_I could get you in._

8:36pm

 

Yeah? & what about my curfew?

8:40pm

 

_I’ll make sure you get home on time._

8:41pm

 

U got a car?

8:41pm

 

_Uber._

8:42pm

 

Sry got busy again. U dancing?

9:17pm

 

_Off and on._

9:18pm

 

Id like 2 c u dance one day

9:18pm

 

_Come out with me._

9:19pm

 

U kno I cant

9:20pm

 

_Not tonight. Another night._

9:21pm

 

Idk. Maybe. its hard 4 me to get a day off

9:38pm

 

_Then I’ll keep asking until you can._

9:39pm

 

Lol

9:41pm

 

_What time you off tonight?_

9:42pm

 

Not til 1030

9:47pm

 

_Ok. I’ll see you then._

9:48pm

 

Waht? R u coming here?

10:02pm

 

Gaara? Hey lmk whats up

10:08pm

 

*

 

The muscles in Naruto’s legs were stiff from kitchen clean up. After serving dinner, Naruto offered to wash the dishes to the pleasure of the rest of the staff. It’s not like everyone else hating helping out, it was just that standing at the sink and in one spot tended to make your feet and back scream after only ten minutes. Whereas running around sweeping, taking out out the trash and folding up chairs kept the clock on the wall as well as your muscles, moving at a steady pace.

Now, stretching out on the front steps, Naruto vowed to not volunteer for dishwashing duty for at least another week.

Cringing from soreness, he looked around as he pulled his left arm over his head, then his right. He stared down the darkened street and wondered if Gaara’s text was serious.

He checked his cell but there was no new message from the cute redhead.

Maybe he lost track of time. Naruto’s mouth curved up. Gaara was probably dancing and forgot, he thought. The image of the intense looking eighteen year old moving on a dancefloor lit through Naruto’s mind and again he couldn’t help but hope one day he’d get to see that.

Picking up his left leg and grabbing it behind him, Naruto continued to stretch and think about the boy who texted him everyday, asking when Naruto’d let Gaara take him out again.

It was a conundrum to be sure. The first time Naruto had even a whisper of interest in someone, and they turned out to _not_ be a girl _and_ several uncomfortable years older. Naruto cast his eyes down and flexed his aching feet.

For three days, Naruto answered Gaara’s texts, and tried to keep his mind from turning over how in the world things would work between them -and instead focus on his books and homework. It had been tough, pushing down that butterfly feeling every time Naruto saw a notification on his phone from Gaara. Yet somehow Naruto managed to keep his nose in his books and his head with his after school study group.

But the second he was done with the books and heading home from school, out would come his phone and he’d shoot off a text to Gaara apologizing for his busy schedule.

_Don’t worry about it. School’s important. I know you’ll get back to me when you can._

Naruto chuckled to himself and again scanned the darkened neighborhood. If he was gonna run home, then he’d better get a move on. The sooner home, the sooner he’d be in bed and off his throbbing feet. Taking the steps down two at a time, Naruto shook out his arms and rolled his neck.

“I was wondering how long you were gonna keep up the show.”

Naruto spun and smiled at the familiar face walking up to him from the low lit sidewalk. “What show?”

“Standing up there, showing off that quarterback body.” Gaara took his hands from his hoodie pockets. “Rough night?”

Naruto smirked. “First of all, _I was not!_  If I don’t stretch before a run, I could pull something.”

“Okay,” Gaara answered stepping closer.

“And yeah, I had dishwashing duty.”

Gaara turned from Naruto and toward a pair of headlights coming up the road. “Then maybe a lift home is what you need.”

Naruto turned toward the car and then looked back at Gaara.

“I got us an Uber,” the redhead said and stepped up to the four-door Hyundai as it slowed and pulled up to the curb. “Don’t worry, I’ll get you home before you turn into a pumpkin.”

Naruto laughed. “I don’t think that’s how the story went.”

Gaara held open the door and Naruto climbed inside.

“There’s something I want to show you.” Gaara got in after Naruto and closed the door.

“Welcome to my Uber!” A man with a thick Indian accent turned and smiled at Naruto and Gaara. “I get you where you need to be with no hassle from me!”

“Heh, thanks,” Naruto said and snapped in his seatbelt.

“Okay then! We go!” The Indian man shouted and pulled away from the front of the Shelter. High pitched Indian music flowed through the car speakers and Naruto chuckled to himself.

Suddenly, Gaara leaned in close to Naruto and spoke into his ear. “There’s a park about a block from where you live. I thought we’d go there for a few minutes.”

Naruto sat up straight, his body instantly reacting to Gaara’s breath on his neck and the brush of his lips against Naruto’s ear.

Pulling back Gaara leaned forward trying to catch Naruto’s eyes with his own. “You okay with this?”

“What? Naruto blinked. He turned and smiled at Gaara. “Yeah! I mean, I think I know the park your talking about and yeah, it’s totally close to where I live. I got at least another hour before curfew so, yeah. It’s fine. Sure.”

A small curve of Gaara’s mouth made Naruto’s brows crease. “What? Look, if me having a curfew is such a big deal -”

“It’s not.”

“Then what?”

Gaara let his smile widen a bit. “I was thinking how cute you look when you’re nervous.”

Naruto’s mouth hung open and then snapped shut. “I’m not nervous.”

“I just want to show you something. Promise. No tricks.”

“Yeah. Cool. Okay.” Naruto turned to look out the window. He saw the city pass by and wondered why Gaara made him feel anxious and restless all at the same time.

“How was the club?” Naruto asked, trying to fill the silence.

“It was alright. Gareth Emery showed up and did a surprise set.”

“Who?” Naruto looked back to Gaara. “Is he a famous DJ?”

“Yeah, I guess he’s up there.”

Naruto relaxed into his seat a bit more and screwed up his face in thought. “You go there a lot?”

Gaara leaned back as well and when he widened his knees, his leg nudged Naruto’s. “It’s the only nightclub around here, unless you head into Downtown L.A.”

“You’ve been to the clubs in L.A.?”

“Almost every weekend.”

“But you’re not 21.”

“I got a fake I.D.” Gaara took out his cigarettes and began to pack the box. “I mostly just go to dance so the bouncers don’t hassle me.”

“How do you go to L.A. every weekend without a car?” Naruto teased.

“The same way I’m taking you home tonight,” Gaara answered.

“Uber? Really? Doesn’t that get expensive?” Naruto still had a smile plastered on his face but paused at the way Gaara shifted his eyes away. “You don’t go to school so does that mean you have a job?”

Gaara placed his cigarette box back in his hoodie pocket but didn’t reply.

“We are here! Thank you for using Rahim! I get you anywhere hassle free!”

Caught off by Gaara’s odd behavior, Naruto took a second to respond to their driver. “Uh, yeah.. haha... Thanks, Rajim!”

“Rahim!”

“Shit, sorry! Shit! Sorry for saying shit. Heh.” Naruto gave the driver an awkward smile and followed Gaara out of the sedan.

“No worries little man! Blessings upon you!”

“Heh, thanks,” Naruto answered back and closed the car door. He waved bye to the funny Uber driver and then turned to Gaara who was already heading out toward the large expanse of grass and trees of the community park.

Not paying any attention to the Uber as it drove off, Naruto followed after Gaara. Across the grass, the redhead went straight toward a small grove of trees at the far end of the park. The sidewalk weaved through the area but the lightposts down that way had long ago burned out, leaving that particular section darker than the rest of the park.

“Over here.” Gaara didn’t turn around to see Naruto pick up his pace to catch up to him.

When Naruto finally closed the distance, Gaara faced him. “I’m not trying to get you into a dark corner, it’s just that the less light there is the better the show will be.”

“Show?” Naruto looked around. “It’s almost midnight and there’s no one here. What show?”

“C’mere.”

Naruto looked to the dark section of sidewalk where Gaara was standing and went to him. The redhead held out a pair of wireless earbuds.

“Use these,” Gaara said and placed the earbuds in Naruto’s hand. “You’ll be able to hear the music.”

“Kay,” Naruto said and started to wrap one around the shell of his ear. “You want me to listen to a song?”

Gaara looked up from his phone and gave Naruto a small grin. “We’re gonna listen to it together.”

Naruto squinted an eye. “How’re you gonna hear it when I’m the one wearing the headphones?”

Gaara looked back at his cell phone and Naruto saw Gaara’s fingers flying, punching out unknown words into the keyboard.

“I’ll be able to hear it too.”

“How?” Naruto’s face tilted as he pushed the second earbud into his ear.

“I wrote a program for an app that will allow my cell phone to use two separate headphones. We’ll both be able to listen to whatever music I play. I designed it to be able to use either plugged in headphones with a splitter or multiple bluetooth earbuds.”

“Oh.” Naruto nodded his head like he understood but his brows creased. _He wrote a program?_

Naruto kept his eyes on Gaara, watching him punch in a few more commands into his phone until the redhead looked up and back at Naruto.

“Do you hear music?”

“Yeah!” Naruto’s smile widened at the wild bass heavy beats he heard.

“Okay. Give me a minute.” Gaara stopped the music and pulled out another pair of wireless earbuds from his hoodie pocket. After placing them in his ears, peeling off his hoodie and carelessly dropping it to the ground, Gaara looked back at Naruto.

“Sit there.” Gaara pointed to the ground and Naruto looked down.

He shot an unsure expression to Gaara but the redhead only winked at him. Taking that as a cue, Naruto sat on the grass, leaving the sidewalk to Gaara and whatever plans he had.

“Ready?” Gaara asked.

Naruto’s eyes brightened. “Yeah.”

Garra hit something on his cell phone and then tossed it to where his soft hoodie was laying on the concrete.

At first Naruto heard nothing. He was just about to tell Gaara that he didn’t think it was working when the music began pouring through, high pitched and melodic with a solid two-timed beat filled Naruto’s ears and he looked up just as Gaara’s head turned down.

The cute redhead who hit on him in the county library was softly counting out the time of the music with the heels of his feet. Midway through the third count of eight, Gaara moved his arms and legs to the change in melody.

By the fourth eighth count, Gaara was shuffling. Naruto had seen shuffling on Youtube. He wasn’t completely stupid about the rave scene. But the way Gaara did it was like no video he had watched.

The music shifted and Gaara spun and paused before kicking back a leg on the off beat only to twist his body once more to meet back up with the main pulsing bass again. Then he switched and shuffled, broke it and picked it back up without a hitch all over again.

With the earbuds in, the music surrounded Naruto. Nothing existed but the song in his ears and the sight of Gaara dancing in front of him. Then the lyrics kicked in and Naruto saw Gaara mouthing the words as he went from a body roll to shuffling to more of a freestyle while framing his body with his hands -left, right, spin and stop- as his shoulders squared off before his whole body suddenly dropped, legs bent and his feet sliding, somehow expressing each word and note with his every move.

An eye flash at Naruto. A lowered chin and dark look.

Gaara’s muscles flexed as he held Naruto’s gaze, mouthed the lyrics, and spun and rocked into a low squatted spin before bringing it back up and stepping out into more shuffling.

From somewhere deep within Naruto, the pulse of the beats swirled throughout his body and rocked through him making him momentarily close his eyes, determined to feel what Gaara was feeling through the tiny bluetooth earbuds. Then just before the beat dropped again, Naruto opened his eyes in time to see Gaara catch his gaze and smirk.

 _Control is an illusion,_ the song sang as Naruto sat watching Gaara, enthralled.

Gaara was somewhere else. Of that Naruto was sure. The redhead spun and then rocked his body into each move. He kicked out and shuffled hard then switched to footwork that made Naruto lose his breath before Gaara locked his body, hitting each note before he moved again and once more locked his muscles punctuating each beat over and over in way Naruto had never seen done before.

Red hair flopped and fell over green eyes. Sweat broke out on Gaara’s forehead as his sneakers squeaked against the concrete from the movement onslaught.

The music filling Naruto’s ears was hard and fast and energetic; everything Gaara was now exhibiting through dance.

Naruto’s eyes went wide and his smile froze. “Holy fucking shit,” Naruto whispered as he watched every movement Gaara sweated out.

Then out of nowhere came the lights.

The darkened corner of the park Gaara had chosen now made sense when Naruto watched small lights of pink, blue and red and green suddenly shine out from both of Gaara’s hands. By some click that Naruto didn’t catch, the lights changed from a blinking to a solid to a strobe effect. Each switch matching the music perfectly, keeping Naruto hypnotized by the display in front of him.

The music thumped, Gaara danced, and the lights flashed. Long streams of light etched against the dark timed with the beat pounding through Naruto’s earbuds. The switch between strobe lights and streams and Gaara’s dancing... all synced… perfectly.

Lines of colored light poured from Gaara’s hands. He shaped the forms of colors over his head and around his body, dragging the streams to and fro by the command of his hands as he forced the colored light to obey the music and accentuate his every dance move.

Then the second half of the song broke in and Gaara spun low until he stopped at Naruto’s feet. Lights flickering off and red head down.

Panting with beads of sweat clinging to his skin, Gaara looked at Naruto but said nothing.

Naruto jumped to his feet.

“What the fuck, Gaara! Holy shit you can fucking dance! Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck!” Naruto bellowed with his laughter following close behind until it took over completely and he was gripping the sides of his head and shouting.

“THAT WAS FUCKING AMAZING!”

Gaara immediately stepped up to Naruto causing the fifteen year old to flinch. Gaara pulled the earbuds off Naruto and let out the softest laugh. “You don’t have to shout.”

“Shit. Sorry.” Naruto gave him a sheepish smile and shrugged his shoulders.

He watched Gaara place the earbuds into his hoodie pocket. When Gaara looked back up, Naruto stepped in closer and opened his mouth to voice just how awesome Gaara’s dancing had been, but before he could utter a word, Naruto’s hand reached out, gripped Gaara’s black shirt and dragged the redhead in until they were both face to face.

“That was…” Naruto’s head shook slightly right before he tugged harder on the t-shirt the cute redhead with the sexy arm tattoos was wearing.

He didn’t mean to. It was some kind of weird reaction to watching Gaara dance just for him to music only the two of them could hear that made Naruto reach out and drag the cute redhead to him. That’s all.

But when Naruto brushed his lips against Gaara’s, Naruto froze. Breathing in sharply, Naruto didn’t know what was okay and what wasn’t. He’d never been here before.

So when Naruto felt Gaara’s arm wrap around his waist, he shuddered and sighed, relieved that the redhead was on the same page.

“You gonna kiss me, Naruto?” Gaara asked still breathless from dancing and with his mouth hovering over Naruto’s.

“I… I don’t know.” Naruto pulled his gaze from Gaara’s lips and stared into the redhead’s green eyes. “Do you want me to?” He asked softly.

“If you only knew,” Gaara said and pressed his lips to Naruto’s and gently kissed him.

Naruto pushed his body into Gaara’s to try and convey how much he wanted him back when the arm around Naruto’s waist tightened and the heat between them flashed.

As the temperature swelled, their lips caressed, brushed, and lightly tasted the other until Naruto couldn’t hold back and he opened his mouth, using his tongue to lick Gaara’s bottom lip.

“Ah shit,” Gaara muttered and swallowed Naruto’s mouth, sliding his tongue against Naruto’s and then pulling Naruto’s tongue into his own mouth with a hard suck, making the blue-eyed kid mewl into the quiet of the night.  

Somehow Naruto’s arms found their way around Gaara’s neck and Gaara’s hands found their way to Naruto’s ass, squeezing and kneading it until Naruto’s entire body was writhing in Gaara’s arms.

“Gaara,” Naruto broke from their kiss and rested his head on the redhead’s shoulder, his heart in a marathon’s dash toward some unknown finish line.

“I know,” Gaara answered and squeezed Naruto tight. “I should get you home. It’s late.”

Slightly disappointed, Naruto nodded and then lifted his head to place a kiss onto Gaara’s neck, sucking at the skin and making the redhead hiss.

“Naruto… God, you’re really trying to test my restraint aren’t you?”

After taking in a deep breath of Gaara scent, Naruto looked up and pulled back. “Why are you holding back?”

Gaara stared back at Naruto and then let out a small sigh. “C’mon. It’s close to curfew and I should get you home.”

With a small tug, Gaara pulled Naruto with him and together they headed down the walk in the direction of Naruto’s house.

Hand in hand they walked down the block to where Naruto lived until again they stopped two driveways from.

Gaara pulled Naruto in and wrapped both this arms around Naruto’s waist. “I want to see you again.”

Naruto didn’t look up but stared at Gaara’s lips, vaguely wondering why the redhead had cut their first make-out session short.

“I want to see you again too.” Naruto let out a small sigh and frowned. “But with school and stuff, I don’t know when I’ll have time.” He looked up and tried not to expect understanding in the green eyes looking back at him.

The past few days Naruto had done nothing but try to figure out how things could work between him and Gaara and had yet to find a solution. He didn’t want to quit pursuing his dream of one day working at Serenity, but Naruto was also scared that if Gaara asked, Naruto might consider slowing down if only to get to spend more time with the cute redhead.

“I don’t want to come between you and your dream, Naruto.” Gaara lowered his head and nuzzled Naruto’s cheek. “We had time tonight.”

Gaara lifted his head and Naruto followed the movement, catching Gaara’s green eyes with his own.

“I’ll take whatever time I can get,” Gaara said and brought his mouth close to Naruto’s. “Is that okay with you?”

Naruto nodded, his eyes glued to Gaara’s soft lips. “Yeah.”

Gaara nudged his nose against Naruto’s and kissed his lips, light and sweet. “Then until next time,” he said and slowly let go and stepped away.

“When?” Naruto blurted out before he could stop himself.

“I’ll text you.” Gaara started walking backwards down the sidewalk.

“Promise?”

Gaara paused and took one small step back toward the blond fifteen year old. “I promise.”

Naruto smiled and bit his lip. Gaara winked and turned to go.

Halfway to the main street Gaara looked back at Naruto who was still on the sidewalk watching. The redhead didn’t wave and neither did Naruto. Yet still both of them smiled before Gaara turned to head back across town and Naruto into his house.

Using his key, Naruto went inside and then re-locked the front door. Distracted by the night’s events replaying in his mind, Naruto smiled to himself but didn’t notice that all the lights in the living room were on or that his Granny was sitting on the couch facing him and the front door.

“Something you want to tell me, Gaki?”

Naruto spun around and stared slack-jawed at Tsunade. His mind scrambled.

“Uh… what?”

 

* * *

 

[MOIRAI PLAYLIST](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL02yEN0tD_2pKRnV26CPWN5dcQZRi0sVm)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** Please forgive any and all fuckups. I have no beta for this fic**  
> **I don't own blah blah blah I'm broke biyach!**
> 
> A/N - So I just really wanted to write this chapter. If you can't see the little parallels I included then I don't know what to say. Meh, I tried. LOL Yes, there's more coming. Yes, it's gonna keep going and yes, we're technically still speeding down Hwy 101 with Naruto at the wheel. But try not to blame Naruto for our little detour. The man's got a lot to deal with right now. And he'll get us where we need to go... eventually. Thanks for sticking around, Dear Reader. Oh! And I know I'm no longer on twitter but if you're so inclined, I am now frequenting my wordpress. I mainly used it for my poetry and other nonsense but will now use it to keep in touch with my fellow SNS readership IF anyone is interested. Link is in my AO3 bio. Love and blessings to you all!
> 
> Tandy.


	11. Alchemy

 

_“I can tell you cast a spell that knows no moderation…” Elle King, Under the Influence_

 

* * *

 

Naruto blinked, frozen where he stood while a pair of thin eyebrows over stern light brown eyes, raised back at him.

“But I’m on time!” He finally shouted.

Tsunade bounced her crossed leg and then uncrossed it and leaned forward. “Yes, but where have you been?”

Naruto opened his mouth to respond when Gaara’s face suddenly flashed in his mind making Naruto’s stomach flip and he closed his mouth, biting his bottom lip at the memory of the way the redhead’s hands had grabbed at his ass. Inside Naruto’s sneakers, his toes curled.

“I was at the park. With a friend.” Naruto forced his mouth to shut and not say anything more.

“I got a call from Mrs. Mitarashi from down the block. She said she saw you and some boy partying in the neighborhood park and threatened to call the police. She was very adamant about not wanting any of that rave drug music in her neighborhood.”

“That’s bullshit!”

“Naruto.” Tsunade leaned back into the sofa. “Language.”

“I don’t care! I was hanging out with a friend, listening to music. So what if it was dark and he was using lights. _Her neighborhood._ We weren’t bothering anyone _and_ we were using headphones! There’s no way she could of heard anything worth complaining about!”

_“He?”_

Naruto snapped his mouth shut.

“Do I need to go into detail about exactly what Mrs. Mitarashi saw or-”

“We weren’t doing anything wrong!” Naruto’s voice cracked and he crossed his arms in abject defeat even though his dignity wouldn’t budge.

“Naruto... I know we haven’t had _the talk_ yet and frankly, I was hoping your uncle would’ve returned from Japan by now and save me from having the conversation with you myself, but -”

“I don’t need to have the talk,” Naruto mumbled.

“Does that mean that you’re not interested in this boy?”

Naruto screwed up his mouth and darted his eyes away.

Tsunade sighed. “Gaki, I don’t give a shit if you like boys, girls or anything in between. What I care about is you.”

“I know.” Naruto lowered his chin, cast his eyes up at his granny and then down again.

“If you’re still gunning for Serenity, then you’re going to have to get used to difficult conversations, brat. Now stand up straight and look at me.”

A bolt zapped through Naruto’s integrity and he immediately pulled his shoulders back and faced off with his guardian.

“Boys _or_ girls, there are things you need to know. I’m sure Google will help you out with most of it, but I’m still responsible for you. I know it’s uncomfortable talking to me about this but some things must be said. Alright?”

Lifting his chin, Naruto nodded and stood his ground.

“Good. Now, what’s his name?”

“Gaara.”

“How many times have you two… hung out?” Tsunade carefully spoke the last two words and waited.

“Twice. Including tonight.”

“You like him?”

Unable to stop the butterflies, Naruto blushed but managed to keep his eyes on Tsunade. “Yeah,” he said quietly.

A small smile graced Tsunade’s lips and she crossed her legs again and folded her hands over her knee. “When do I meet him?”

“What?”

“Oh Gaki, do you really think I’m going to let you off so easily?”

“But that would be embarrassing! We’ve only seen each other twice and I don’t even know when I’ll get to see him again!”

“Why?”

Naruto paused. “Because… I got school and after-school and the shelter and if I push hard enough maybe Serenity before next fall.”

“And you don’t think you’re sacrificing too much for your goals?” Tsunade’s eyes went soft.

“It’s what I want.”

“But won’t you see him at school?” Tsunade’s eyes creased and Naruto stared at her, not knowing how to tell her Gaara’s age or how she would react.

“Tell me,” she said, her smile gone.

“He doesn’t go to my school,” Naruto said and waited to see if she would push for more. It wasn’t exactly a lie, he told himself… and almost believed it.

“Uh huh. What school does he go to?”

Naruto swallowed. “He doesn’t.”

Tsunade pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. “Dropout?”

Filling his chest with a deep breath, Naruto nodded and held her stare. “Yeah.”

“And you’re not interested in waiting until you’re eighteen to graduate high school like a normal teenager?” Tsunade asked again.

“No,” Naruto said.

Tsunade looked down at her hands in thought and Naruto held his breath. He could see her red fingernails moving to some silent rhythm. Whatever she was thinking, she sure knew how to draw out the suspense, Naruto thought.

Slowly, Tsunade raised her eyes. “If you’re serious about Serenity then you know you have to stay out of trouble.”

Naruto nodded.

“I know being young and missing out on all the fun other kids your age are having can and will be hard and I’m not going to deny you those things.” Tsunade uncrossed her legs and carefully leaned forward. “This is where you have to decide what you want. Dating, parties, skipping school… these are things I always thought I’d have to contend with when it came to you. But so far you’ve been perfect.”

Tsunade let out a tired breath. “Naruto… I know you’re smart enough to know what will happen if I catch you doing drugs or having sex at fifteen years old, right?”

A warm rush of embarrassment washed through Naruto. He looked down at his feet and then snapped his eyes back up, remembering Tsunade’s earlier words.

“I know being a teenager means testing boundaries, drowning in hormones and creating drama out of molehills.” She stood up and went to Naruto.

“But the road you’ve chosen to go down means that any big risks you take could end up costing you your dream. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“I think so.” Naruto looked up at her.

“Then think hard about how you want to spend your teenage years. I know you’ll do whatever you want regardless,” she said and gave Naruto a small smirk. “But if you do any permanent damage to your future, with or without my influence there’ll be no getting you into Serenity.”

Naruto stared at her and then nodded slow. Tsunade wrapped an arm around his shoulders and squeezed. “Is he cute?”

A nervous breath left Naruto’s lungs. “Tch.”

“Oh c’mon!” Tsunade led them down the hallway and stopped in front of Naruto’s bedroom door. “Is he?”

Naruto shrugged. “I don’t know. Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

He reached for the doorknob and looked back at her before walking into his room. “Yeah,” he said and smiled.

She smiled back at him. “Goodnight, Gaki.”

“Hag.”

Soft laughter tumbled from Tsunade and Naruto went inside his room and she to hers.

Naruto closed his door and then for the first time, locked it. He glanced down at the door knob then turned and threw himself face down onto his bed. His heart was pounding.

She didn't ask Gaara’s age.

Naruto rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. Did she purposefully not ask or had she just been too focused on Gaara being a high school dropout? Naruto wasn’t sure. His gran was anything but stupid and if she didn’t ask Gaara’s age on purpose then it meant she didn’t want to know.

_“I’m not going to deny you those things… Smart enough to know what will happen if I catch you…”_

Still not sure if her words were some kind of teenage, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell code, Naruto scrubbed his face with both hands and groaned. How was he supposed to concentrate on school with Gaara on the brain _and_ simultaneously try to decipher Tsunade’s crazy code speak?

Rolling over again, Naruto buried his face in his pillow and kicked off his shoes. There was no way to know if Tsunade had been serious about meeting Gaara. Naruto was glad when she didn’t return to the subject but knew sooner or later, she’d bring it up again. He sighed into his pillow and yanked at the covers.

Once the blankets were pulled back, he lazily stripped off his jeans and t-shirt, adding them to the piles of clothes already on the floor. Climbing under his comforter, Naruto felt his tired muscles finally relax and his thoughts instantly drifted toward the redhead who had danced just for him earlier that night.

On his stomach, with his pillow gathered under his chin, Naruto wrapped his arms around it and squeezed.

His first _real_ kiss. And with a boy, his mind whispered and Naruto turned his face so the cool of the pillow pressed against his cheek.

The way Gaara’s tongue felt sliding against his own. Naruto closed his eyes at the memory and felt a strong reaction to his thoughts coming from below his waist.

He wasn’t ignorant to the workings of his body. Sometimes the damn thing between his legs would be throbbing so hard when he woke up in the morning, Naruto would have to stuff the pillow in his mouth so his gran wouldn’t hear him while he jacked off. Thanks to all of the research materials at his fingertips, Naruto new better than to feel ashamed of his sexuality. It was a normal male response. Something he couldn’t control. But with the memory of the cute redhead feeling up his ass while they made out in a dark park currently fizzing through his mind, Naruto knew better than to blame his growing erection purely on the biology of adolescence.

Gaara was hot. So goddam stingy with the smiles but with eyes that drowned in emotion. Tattooed and mysterious… _and eighteen._

Naruto blushed and dug his face into his pillow.

Gaara had asked him out. Took him to an adult movie and talked to him about things that mattered. Other than his gran, Gaara was the only person who didn’t try and peg Naruto into the restrictions of his age. The cute redhead wanted to know Naruto’s opinions and was refreshingly mature beyond his years.

And fuck, how he kissed.

Naruto gripped the pillow and flexed his hips. Gaara had sucked on his tongue. Hard.

Closing his eyes, Naruto’s mouth opened, his breath thickening as he thought about the way Gaara’s hands roamed over his body. When Naruto’s dick began to lengthen he couldn’t resist the urge to grind himself against his mattress.

It wasn’t just the way Gaara kissed, it was everything about him. He was smart and didn't care that Naruto was only fifteen. Whether dancing or telling Naruto he’d text him later, Gaara’s eyes were deep and intense and burning with desire whenever he looked at Naruto.

Naruto’s cheeks went hot and he buried his face in his pillow as he reached down into his boxers and he took hold of his sex.

“Fuck.”

The way Gaara’s eyes fixed on Naruto’s after the movie. The dark, hungry look Gaara sent him while the redhead danced under the night sky… _for him._

The way he tasted.

Naruto’s hand slid up and down his cock while his other fisted his pillow, his hips mindlessly rutting against the mattress for more friction.

The way Gaara lifted Naruto onto his toes while his hands gripped Naruto’s ass greedily.

_“Ah, fuck.”_

Naruto felt himself leaking and swiped it over the head of his dick. He twisted his hand as he continued to tug and pull. With his mouth open and eyes squeezed shut, he moaned.

“Shit,” he panted into his pillow and felt his balls draw up and his back tense. Naruto bit down on his tongue to keep from making another sound and shuddered as his orgasm rocked through him. Warm seed flowed over his fingers and began to soak his boxers. He road out several more spasms until his breath finally slowed and he pulled his hand out.

Still lightheaded, Naruto reached over the edge of his bed and grabbed at a dirty t-shirt from the floor, using it to wipe his hand and himself and then tore off his soiled underwear, tossing both into a farther off pile of dirty laundry.

Comfortably naked and deliciously sated, he pulled the blankets over him and let out a deep sigh. He didn’t want to think about all the ways he and Gaara wouldn’t work. He didn’t want to think about what would happen if Tsunade found out Gaara’s age. As Naruto drifted off to sleep, all his mind wanted to repeat over and over was when would Naruto get to see the eighteen year old hot, tattooed redhead again.

 

* * *

 

If there was a greater tease than Wednesday, Naruto wanted to know. Only halfway through the week, and already Naruto had his sights set on the weekend and his disdain flaring for the two days that stood between now and then.

After Saturday’s night out with Gaara, no matter how brief it had been, Naruto found himself unable to think about anything other than his school work and the possibility of seeing Gaara again. It was a vicious tug o’war. School, homework and after-school study groups would drag him away for a few hours but the second his mind drifted or the moment he was done with his work, Naruto would whip out his phone and check his messages.

> _What are you doing?_
> 
> _Did you listen to the song I sent you?_
> 
> _How’s school going?_
> 
> _I miss you._

“Naruto.”

“Eh?” Naruto’s head jerked away from the classroom windows and back toward Neji at the room’s whiteboard.

“This is a study group, Naruto. If you’re not going to participate, then what the fuck is the point of you being here?”

Naruto slowly sat up. “Ya know Nej, if you’d just unclench once in a while, you’d have lots more friends.”

“Thanks, loser. I hope you’ll forgive me for not taking the advice of a wannabe intellectual.”

“Neji,” Hinata gasped.

“Yeah, Neji,” Ino agreed. “That’s a bit harsh, don’tcha think?”

“It’s fine,” Naruto said. He rearranged his notebook and picked up his pen. “Neji doesn’t like competition is all. No big deal.”

“Competition?”

Naruto looked up and saw his study group leader glaring at him.

“You are nowhere close to being in intellectual competition with me,” Neji scowled.

“I meant competition as a human being.” Naruto sighed. “I’ve never questioned your intelligence, Nej. It’s the ability to have compassion or empathy for your fellow human being I know you lack.”

 _“Daym,”_ Ino said and Hinata pressed her hand to her mouth to keep from voicing her shock.

“If you don’t like -”

“Neji,” Naruto cut him off. “I know you don’t like me but honestly, I’m indifferent to it.” Naruto stared at his book and then looked up at the angry, long haired high-schooler. “You’re smart and I know you can help me with this physics shit. I’m sorry for spacing out but hey, it’s not a crime to be a teenager, right?”

Neji scoffed and Naruto let out a breathy chuckle. “Anyway… I’m listening now. So let’s get on with chapter 22.”

*

After two hours of practice questions and pairing up, only to switch partners and do it all over again, they finally decided to break for the night.

Naruto slanted a look at Neji and knew the solemn boy was feeling particularly pleased with himself at again getting a perfect score during their practice tests.

“Hey, Nej… you know anything about raves?”

Neji paused as he bent over his backpack. His long black hair blocking his face from Naruto’s view.

“No.”

“You going to a rave?” Ino asked and Naruto looked over at her.

“Doubtful,” Naruto answered. “I was just curious what one is like. “I got a friend who goes to ‘em and I guess I started wondering.”

“Drug addicts and promiscuity,” Neji spat and resumed putting his things away and zipping up his pack.

“Tch.” Ino rolled her eyes and pulled her backpack onto her shoulder. “Don’t listen to him Naruto. I’ve met everyone from high school kids to stockbrokers and lawyers at raves. There’s nothing wrong with people who want to have a good time.”

“Because lawyers and stockbrokers aren’t known for their drug use,” Neji quipped and headed for the laboratory door. “Graduate early or drug-fueled partying?” Neji paused but didn’t turn around. “What’s more important to you? Eh, Naruto?” And with that, Neji walked out.

“You want to go to a rave, Naruto?” Hinata asked.

“I don’t know,” Ino interjected. “You don’t seem the rave type.” She eyed Naruto for a second and then her face lit up. “Wait. Did you meet someone? Someone who raves?”

Naruto heard the excitement in her voice and saw the soft look in Hinata’s eyes and froze. “What? Heh, no. I just have friends… a friend, uh, that’s been. And I don’t know. I was just wondering what it was like.”

Still suspiciously eyeing Naruto, Ino spoke up. “Well, my boyfriend’s taken me to a few and they’re a lot of fun but…”

Naruto tried not to notice the way Hinata’s eyes dropped to the floor and instead focus on Ino’s hinting.

“Uh, _but what?”_

“Well, not that Neji’s right, but most of the people at a rave do some drugs.”

“Do you?” Naruto asked and faced her.

“Well, not really…” Ino looked at Hinata and then back to Naruto. “It’s just… well, if you don’t know what to expect, it might be a bit overwhelming for you. It’s a massive rager. Like huge, ya know?”

Naruto considered her words but stayed silent.

“Look, I don’t know if it’s your scene but if you have any questions, text me.” Ino smiled and Naruto reflexively smiled back.

“G’nite, Naruto,” Hinata whispered as she walked past him and out the classroom door.

“G’nite,” he said back and locked the door as he and Ino followed after. “Thanks Ino. I, uh… I might text you.”

Ino smiled at him and raised an eyebrow. “And tell me who she is?”

Naruto closed the classroom door and forced a nervous laugh. “Heh, there’s no she, Ino.”

His study partner flipped her straight, long blonde hair with her hand, tilted her head and narrowed her eyes at him. “Uh huh.”

 

* * *

 

Naruto squinted his eyes against the darkness. After walking under the streetlights, he knew it’d take a minute for his eyes to adjust, but he scanned the area anyway, anxious to see Gaara.

The redhead had texted him over the past week, asking how he was and every once in awhile letting the blond know how much he wanted to kiss him again. Seven long days of school and homework, only to make it to dinner-time, shovel down his food and race off to his bedroom so he could text Gaara, read his words over and over and then masterbate to fantasies a boy of only fifteen could dream up.

Gaara kissing him. Touching him. Swallowing him.

Naruto shivered and again searched the elementary school playground. “Gaara?”

“Here.”

With a sharp turn, Naruto pointed himself toward the sound of Gaara’s voice. “Wait, I think… Yeah, I see you.” Naruto broke into a grin.

Naruto stepped up to where Gaara sat on the playground stepladder and without hesitation, Gaara reached out for him. With knees wide, Gaara pulled Naruto in and wrapped his legs around him.

Letting out a moan, as their tongues found each other, Naruto’s arms flung around Gaara’s neck and he pressed himself hard against the redhead.

“I missed you,” Gaara said, breaking for air.

Naruto stared at Gaara’s wet lips. “I missed you too.”

“Are you sure this is okay?” Gaara pulled back and caught Naruto’s eyes with his own. “As much as I wanted to see you tonight, I don’t want you to get into trouble.”

Naruto kept his eyes on Gaara’s lips and then blinked. “What?” He pulled back searched for Gaara’s green eyes in the dark. “I snuck out my window,” Naruto said. “It’s not like I’m shooting heroin or peddling my ass.”

Gaara let out a laugh and Naruto drank in the sight.

“I don’t have to be at the shelter until noon tomorrow. Sundays are pretty chill, so it’s fine if I’m out a bit late tonight.”

“And your homework?”

Naruto groaned in annoyance and stepped back. “You sound like my granny.”

Gaara reached out for Naruto’s hand and the blond kid took it and pulled Gaara up from the jungle-gym stairs.

“I finished my homework on Friday _and_ Monday’s chapter questions which haven’t even been assigned yet _and_ the rest of the textbook’s practice tests for all three classes.” Naruto glanced back at the cute guy he was tugging along. “Did you think I was bullshitting you when I said I’d be graduating at sixteen?”

Naruto pulled them closer toward the large tree in the darkened corner of the school yard and dropped down against the small grassy hill that rose up behind the large Oak. “This place is definitely more private than the park. No nosy neighbors to spy on us this time,” Naruto chuckled.

Gaara sat down next to him. They both took in their surroundings and laid down on the grass, choosing to stare up at the star-filled sky. WIth their hands still caressing and playfully learning each other’s touch, they breathed in the night air.

“I’ve already petitioned my current teachers to let me take my finals early but I don’t know if they’ll let me,” Naruto said as he raised his hand over his head, pulling Gaara’s hand with him.

“But I’m ready. The sooner I’m out of high school, the sooner I get to Serenity.”

“It’s really what you want, isn’t it?”

Naruto looked sideways and Gaara turned to meet his gaze. “It is.”

Leaning in, Gaara pressed his lips to Naruto’s. “I like you driven. It’s inspiring.”

Naruto laughed softly. “Says the guy who can write programs for cell phones. Ya know I looked up what you said about the double bluetooth headphone app and couldn’t find the software you described anywhere.”

“You try Google?” Gaara said quietly and laid back down on the grass, looking up.

“You know I did.” A smirk lifted on Naruto’s mouth. “So you gonna ‘fess up?”

Gaara pulled Naruto’s hand down and brought it to his mouth. He kissed the sensitive skin on the inside of Naruto’s wrist and slid his tongue up and into the palm before kissing the flesh again. “What do you wanna know?” Gaara said and lifted his eyes to Naruto’s.

Trying to hold on to the question in his mind, Naruto opened his mouth and fought against the urge to climb on top of the sexy redhead. His brain was shorting out.

Vaguely aware his dick was waking up, Naruto swallowed. “Heh, well… Just how smart are you?”

Gaara didn’t let go of Naruto’s hand but a quick flash of tension formed on his forehead. Naruto creased his eyes at the sight, suddenly worried.

“Crap. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any-”

“It’s fine,” Gaara said and Naruto saw his features relax. “I guess I’m so used to having to fend off people’s opinions of what I should be doing with my life that I can get a bit defensive.”

“That smart, huh?” Naruto whispered. He looked apprehensively at Gaara, not sure what to say next. Naruto thought about what it might be like. Having people assume you’re gonna be great in life just because you got the brains to do most anything. He never had to live up to any expectations so the only pressure he felt came solely from himself.

“I never thought about it that way,” Naruto finally said.

“What way?”

“I always had to work twice as hard compared to people like you and Neji.”

“Neji?” Gaara asked, his hand still playing with Naruto’s.

“Brilliant guy in my physics class. He leads my physics study group and is an arrogant ass.”

“And you’re likening me with him?”

“What? No! I mean. Only in the fact that you’re both smart as fuck.” Naruto scrunched up his face. “What I meant is, it never occured to me that being that smart would come with certain expectations. I always thought if I were smarter, I’d get to do what I want. Get into Serenity. Graduate sooner. Not have to be home by midnight,” he added and smirked. “I never looked at having intelligence as a bad thing.”

“It’s not.” Gaara squeezed Naruto’s hand and looked over at confused blue eyes. “Not really. I didn’t think it was at first. But when people started pushing, I had a hard time…”

The expression on Gaara’s face sent a soft pang through Naruto and he tugged on the redhead’s hand. “Then we won’t talk about it,” he said and smiled.

Gaara twitched his mouth up and laced his fingers through Naruto’s.

“But if you ever feel like helping me with my physics…”

Gaara let out a breathy chuckle and leaned in, catching Naruto’s bottom lip between his own. Naruto shivered and felt Gaara roll closer, his leg wrapping around Naruto’s thighs and his hand slipping from Naruto’s hand to caress his waist before sliding around it.

“You want me to teach you science?”

Naruto smiled against Gaara’s lips. “Why not?”

The redhead brushed his mouth over Naruto’s. A slow hum came from Gaara and the arms around Naruto’s waist tightened.

“Maybe.” Gaara kissed the tip of Naruto’s nose and then rolled back until he was again staring up at the sky.

Sad to feel the warm embrace pull away, Naruto sighed and brought his arms up, tucking his hands under his head and shifting his body on the cool grass. “So, I know you dance. You’re some kind of brilliant prodigy. And you divide your time between L.A. nightclubs, raves and writing cell phone application programs.”

Gaara reached up over his head and again took hold Naruto’s hand into his left, lacing their fingers.

“What don’t I know?” Naruto asked.

The redhead turned and met his gaze. “I read a lot.”

“What sort of books do you like?” Naruto turned onto his side.

“Philosophy. Poetry. Sometimes a good Stephen King novel’ll do. Anything I find interesting.”

“You read philosophy?”

Rolling onto his side to face Naruto, Gaara gave the young blond a soft smile. “Sometimes. There’s too much _why_ in the world. Not that philosophy gives any real answers to the big questions in life, but some it also doesn’t shy away from questioning all the _why’s_.”

“How so?” Naruto’s eyes cleared at the way Gaara’s sea green eyes lit up as he considered Naruto’s question.

“Like, _why are we here. What does it all mean._ This.” Gaara lifted his other hand and gestured up and around. Naruto’s eyes followed the movement, his sight going from the grass to the trees to the sky.

“Nobody knows what this all is.” Gaara’s voice was soft and Naruto brought his attention back to the redhead. “Reality. Consciousness. Perception. Morality. Good. Evil. Wrong and Right.

“We all just accept what we see and do every day without thinking about what it all means. There is no template for life. Some old guys just came along one day and said, ‘These things are bad and these things are good.’ Some called it ethics and most called it religion. But the truth is, no one fucking knows anything. We’re all sort of just figuring it all out as we go. Hoping we don’t get it wrong and some of us not really caring if we do.”

Naruto stared at Gaara. “Wow.” A smile crept toward Naruto’s eyes. “That’s some deep shit.”

Gaara laughed and Naruto laughed with him. For another two hours Gaara talked about Nietzsche and Milton and Campbell and Rimbaud. Naruto asked Gaara if he thought there was a God and Gaara asked Naruto about why he chose to study psychology. They debated about whether evil was subjective and if true altruism existed. It wasn’t until Naruto’s eyes begun to close that the conversation slowed.

“Naruto.”

“Hm?” A pair of sleepy blue eyes opened and Naruto immediately smiled. “Did I fall asleep?”

“Almost,” Gaara answered.

“Sorry. Guess I’m not used to staying up so late.”

Sometime during their time together, Naruto had moved closer to Gaara. His head now resting on the eighteen year old’s chest. One of Gaara’s hands gently caressing Naruto’s back in soft sweeping motions.

Naruto sighed and looked up at him. “Kiss me?”

The look on Gaara’s face instantly changed into pure desire and Naruto gasped as the arm around him squeezed and another reached down to grab at his ass and pull him closer to Gaara’s mouth and harder against him.

Gaara’s kiss was all-consuming. Naruto moaned loud as their tongues danced and slid. Gaara’s hands were everywhere. It wasn’t until Naruto felt firm hands still his hips that Naruto realized he’d been shamelessly grinding his hard length against Gaara’s thigh.

“Gaara… please.” Naruto bowed his head and rolled his forehead into Gaara’s shoulder.

“I know, I’m sorry.” Gaara’s voice was strained and Naruto looked up at him.

“Why are you sorry?” I don’t want you to stop.” Naruto watched Gaara’s throat swallow and his Adam’s apple dip. He leaned in and ran his tongue over it and across the pale neck. He took Gaara’s earlobe into his mouth and nipped at it.

“Sss, Naruto…”

Gaara’s head went back and Naruto spoke into his ear. “Will you let me?” Naruto reached down and pushed a hand between them. When he found the front of Gaara’s jeans and the hard cock confined there, he ran his hand up and down the length, fascinated by the feel of it and the way Gaara shuddered from Naruto’s attention.

“Wait.” Gaara’s hand came down and clamped around Naruto’s wrist.

Naruto froze. “Did I… did I do it wrong?” Naruto started to edge away from Gaara but the redhead quickly wrapped his arms around Naruto and rolled them until he was looking down at the young blond.

“No,” Gaara said and kissed Naruto on the cheek and neck and then on his mouth, peppering him with affection until the tension left Naruto and he began to kiss Gaara back.

“Then why?” Naruto flicked his eyes up at the boy who held Naruto in his arms.

Gaara brushed his lips over Naruto’s. “Because I think for now, it’s better if we go slow.”

Naruto’s eyes creased and he flattened his hands on Gaara’s chest, pushing him up and back. “You think I’m a kid.”

Now straddling Naruto, Gaara’s expression fell into a look of concern. He tried to grab for Naruto’s hands but Naruto pulled them away and tucked them into his chest.

“It’s late, Gaara. I need to go.”

“Hey,” Gaara said and Naruto lifted his eyes up to him. “I’m sorry. I don’t think of you as a kid. It’s just…”

“Just what?”

Gaara reached to touch the side of Naruto’s face and then lifted his hand higher and used his thumb to gently smooth over the deep crease between Naruto’s eyes.

Naruto let out a defeated sigh and let go of the anger that had been rising up. “Tell me,” he said, but with a softer tone.

Again, Gaara tried for Naruto’s hands and this time Naruto reached back and let the redhead entwine their fingers together.

“I want you.” His green eyes burned into Naruto’s. “I think about you all the time. I think about talking to you. Spending time with you.” Gaara took their hands and pinned them over Naruto’s head, causing him to lower himself onto Naruto. Slowly he rolled his hips, pressing his hardness into Naruto’s crotch. “I think about how much I want you.”

Naruto’s lips parted and his cock -which had flagged during his confusion at being rebuffed- suddenly sprang back to life.

“Then… ah… why…?” Naruto closed his eyes and felt Gaara lean in. A warm, wet mouth moved to Naruto’s neck and he shivered. He flexed his hips up trying to get more friction and let out a small whine.

“I don’t want to be the one who corrupts you,” Gaara murmured against skin.

“That’s… ah god… that’s s-stupid.” Naruto’s hands gripped Gaara’s and he squeezed his eyes shut. Fuck. If Naruto didn’t get off soon he was going to scream. He needed to feel Gaara. Touch him. Taste him.

“Please, Gaara,” Naruto begged and then sucked in a sharp breath when Gaara let go one of his hands and began tugging at the clasp of Naruto’s jeans. “Gaara.”

Suddenly Gaara’s other hand was gone and Naruto looked down and saw Gaara was now lifting Naruto’s t-shirt with one hand and pulling down the zipper on his jeans with the other. Green eyes flashed up at him and Naruto nodded and bit his bottom lip in anticipation.

“Yeah. Please.”

Gaara dropped his head and began sucking at the skin on Naruto’s stomach and chest.

“Ah fuck, Gaara!” Naruto arched. Lips on his nipple, then teeth on the other. A tug at his boxers. A firm hand sliding into his jeans and wrapping around his cock. “Gaara...ah shit don’t stop!”

“Shh,” Gaara hummed and Naruto dug his heels into the grass hill.

How was he supposed to keep quiet? His skin was on fire. Naruto’s every fantasy was suddenly reality and each new sensation engulfed his being and blotted out any coherent thought. Everywhere Gaara touched and sucked made Naruto’s eyes roll into his head. As Gaara continued to gently stroked him, Naruto moaned and bucked into his hand.

Naruto was just about to scold the redhead over the languid handjob and tell him to stop teasing when Gaara’s body shifted and a hot, moist mouth sucked the head of his dick into a deep never-ending swallow.

Naruto’s vision when black. Sounds and unformed words fell from his mouth. Vaguely, he felt his hands grip and pull at soft locks of hair. And when a deft tongue flicked and wrapped and lathed at his shaft while an impossibly tight mouth sucked and pulled, tears dropped from the corners of his eyes just as Naruto’s body tensed and Gaara’s name pushed out from his mouth in a long desperate needy mewl.

Naruto knew he was cumming but the feeling of Gaara’s mouth swallowing and sucking him down kept his mind fogged with bliss and his body spasming until finally he felt himself float back to consciousness and the awareness of cool grass at his back.

Blinking, Naruto felt himself being tucked into his jeans and he looked down to find Gaara’s eyes already locked onto him.

“God, you’re beautiful,” Gaara whispered as they stared at one another.

Still hazed, Naruto sat up and pulled Gaara to him. He looked at Gaara’s swollen lips and licked his own. With questioning eyes, he glanced up at Gaara and then leaned in slow. He kissed Gaara’s bottom lip and then darted his tongue out, hesitant and hoping the redhead wouldn’t think his curiosity strange.

But Gaara held no such reservations. He parted his lips, letting Naruto feel his warm breath, a silent invitation for Naruto to do as he pleased. The exploration was timid at first. Naruto’s tongue gently teasing against Gaara’s. Then with a slow delve into the corner of Gaara’s mouth, he tasted it. The tinge of salty essence the like he’d never tasted before or could pair with anything he knew. It was the flavor of himself, and Gaara’s mouth was alive with it. Before he could stop, Naruto was feeding, moaning, licking the remnants of his first blowjob back into his mouth.

Gaara moaned and Naruto sucked on the redhead’s tongue, easily reversing Gaara’s signature move until the eighteen year old broke the kiss, breathless and shaking.

“It’s late,” Gaara said and tried to steady his breath.

Naruto nodded and looked down. “What about you?”

“Don’t worry about me,” Gaara said and moved off of Naruto. Getting to his feet, Gaara held out a hand and then helped the younger up.

“Are you going to tell me why you won’t let me -”

“Naruto,” Gaara took Naruto’s hand in his. “I don’t want to rush things with you.”

Naruto pulled his hand back and slapped at his jeans, trying to get the dirt and grass off. “Cuz you think I’m too young,” he mumbled and stood up.

A pair of arms suddenly wrapped around Naruto’s waist and he felt himself tugged tightly. His blue eyes pierced Gaara’s. “Right?”

“No. Because I think this…” Gaara squeezed Naruto. “Whatever this is or whatever this could be between…” Gaara leaned in and kissed the soft skin just behind Naruto’s ear. _“You and me,”_ he whispered. “...is important.” Gaara pulled back and leveled his eyes at Naruto. “And I don’t want to fuck it up.”

Naruto stared back.

“Do you trust me?” Gaara asked.

Naruto’s heart skipped. Something about the way Gaara’s eyes shone in the dark and the way the grip of his hands tightened around Naruto’s waist made Naruto suspect the question was far heavier then the redhead was letting on.

“Yeah.” Naruto tried at a smile to help ease the strange look in Gaara’s eyes, but only got halfway there.

“Yeah?” Gaara pressed.

Naruto nodded and felt instant relief at the way Gaara’s whole body seemed to relax at the confirmation. This time his smile grew with genuine affection. He circled his arms around Gaara’s neck and breathed in the warm musky scent of the redhead.

Another squeeze and another deep kiss was had before the two finally pulled back. Gaara kissed the tip of Naruto’s nose and the blond chuckled softly.

“Walk me home?”

The redhead smiled and Naruto’s heart filled.

As they walked under the dimmed starlight hand in hand, Naruto and Gaara spoke about when they’d be able to see each other again and what their schedules for the next week held. Somewhere between the soft kisses goodbye and promises to text, Naruto’s mind pushed away the way redhead’s eyes had darkened over their inquiry of trust.

Still smiling as he watched Gaara take several steps backwards before slowly turning to walk away, Naruto’s stomach battled with butterflies while his heart beat out a steady rhythm.

_Pound-skip-pound-skip-skip-pound._

 

* * *

 

[MOIRAI PLAYLIST](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5X5KweDhsaI&list=PL02yEN0tD_2pKRnV26CPWN5dcQZRi0sVm)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I do not own the Naruto characters and get no money blah blah blah-
> 
> **Please forgive any and all fuckups. I have no beta for this fic**
> 
> A/N: Sorry for the delay. Life's grown complicated and work for pay takes precedence. I'm hoping to get another chapter out to you soon and want to say thanks to all of you for your patience. There are still many questions left to answer and don't worry, we will get there. And yes, we will be paying a visit to Sasuke soon to find out how he's coping with his recent discovery. Until then, I hope you enjoyed this little installment and love and blessings to you all. 
> 
> Tandy.


	12. Interlude: First

_"But if I falter, well, at least it was my mistake" -_ Gabrielle Aplin

 

* * *

 

 

Old lottery tickets, McDonalds straws, napkins, empty CD cases, _paperclips?_ Naruto’s mind barely registered the odd items before they flew from his fingers and onto the floorboard of his car. Old pens and broken sunglasses came cascading from his Prius glove compartment.

_Goddammit, I know there’s one in here somewhere!_

Naruto’s eyes scanned and searched in time with his racing heart. Earlier he had pulled off the freeway at the sight of a gas station with the intention to fill up and continue on his way to Santa Barbara and his therapist. But after refueling, instead of finding his way back to the highway, Naruto pulled out of the gas station and into a nearby grocery parking lot, and began frantically searching his car for a cigarette.

This is stupid, his mind said. Just go buy a pack from the gas station.

The logic didn’t reach his fingers. They continued to dig into the cavernous box until an old thin paperback was dislodged and tossed and Naruto saw a single white cancer stick crammed into the corner.

With reverence, Naruto pulled it free and plucked a lighter from the glove box’s disinterred remnants on the car floor. With a push on the driver's side door, he stepped out and was struck by the silence of the morning. Nothing but the low roar of the distant freeway could be heard and Naruto’s brain tripped over thoughts of why daylight always drowns out the quiet of dawn.

Unsteady hands placed the cigarette between his lips and raised the lighter.

Menthol. A rush of nicotine. A stifled sob and Naruto’s eyes swam. He blinked and looked up as he let go a trail of smoke and wondered how in the world his shrink would be able to help him this time. The cigarette in his hand blurred in his sights and he tried to breathe deep. Calm the hitching in his chest.

Sasuke’s kiss. The ignited rage. The flood of memories now threatening to unlock a long forgotten need in the corner of Naruto’s mind.

“What the fuck am I gonna do?” Startled by the sound of his voice, Naruto took another drag and closed his eyes.

How could anything salvageable come from this mess? The whole of Naruto’s world threatened to collapse around him and rather than running for cover, he was standing in the middle of some parking lot sucking down an old habit that should have long ago died.

_Gaara._

Naruto’s face tightened and his chest began to pound. Why couldn’t the past stay past? How much money? Time? Cursed revelations on his therapist's couch that had been spewed for the sake of Naruto’s mental wellness?

Only to have it all come back with cruel vigor and bury him under an tsunami of guilt once again.

 

* * *

 

The cool of the shower tile pressed against Sasuke’s forehead. Hot water sprayed over his body. His hair flattened and strewn over his eyes while his mouth, open and panting, struggled to keep the groans from trying to escape from his throat. His hand kept it’s steady pace stroking his cock. The feel of Naruto’s lips fresh in Sasuke’s mind. The way Deidara pinned him to the laundry room wall and god how Sasuke had wished it had been Naruto’s body pressed against his. Naruto’s hands. Naruto’s mouth.

“Oh fuck!” Sasuke gasped and came hard, the hand on his dick still pumping, his other curling into a fist against the shower wall. Sasuke’s forehead rolled, the cold tile slowly bringing him back to reality.

The water quickly and quietly washed away his seed leaving only guilt and Sasuke’s keen awareness that his most recent revelation was as powerful as it was dangerous.

Blinking and grabbing the bar of soap from the eye level tray, Sasuke washed himself and stared blankly at the shower floor. Everything had happened so fast. His chasing after Naruto. The phone call to Deidara. The beer and the groping and his ill-timed confession to Naruto.

Sasuke closed his eyes. _And the kiss._

He punched the tiled wall and angry tears formed at the corner of his eyes. How could he have been so stupid?

A few more mindless passes of soap over his body and Sasuke set the soap back on the tray and rinsed off and then lowered his head, letting the warm spray cascade down and wash the salty streaks from his face.

After he toweled off inside his room, Sasuke let the weight of last night push him down onto the edge of his bed and he sat there, afraid to think about what came next. What if Serenity found out? What if Dr. Tsunade made Naruto quit the class? Or what if Naruto just up and disappeared again under the guise of it being in Sasuke’s best interest?

 _How did I not realize,_ Sasuke thought. Now all his anger, his feelings of betrayal and his sexual desires laid bare in the events of one misguided night.

And oh god, Deidara knows.

Sasuke’s brows creased and he wondered what sort of bodily harm could he threaten Dei with that would keep the handsy blond from breathing a word of what happened to anyone. Immediately his eyes sought out the items on his desk and he rose and went for his cell already meticulously set to charge by Sasuke’s own hands after Naruto dropped him off.

Naruto.

Panic shook through Sasuke as he reached for his cell. The envelope icon stared at him from the top left of his cell screen and his heart pitched and rolled. Sasuke’s fingers flew over the glass face and his phone unlocked. He tapped the text icon and calmed somewhat at the Asshole From Psych Class notification.

> _If you wanna talk lmk and ill meet you._
> 
> _Its all cool Sasuke. I just wanna know if youre alright._

 Sasuke stared at text. Including Deidara in his adolescent drama could prove regretful. It was obvious the guy was more than interested in Sasuke. And truth be told, it wasn’t like Sasuke completely disliked his college classmate. It was more about Sasuke knowing beyond a doubt that Dei was only a substitute for what Sasuke really wanted.

A warm flush spread over his body and Sasuke shivered. Sure, Deidara had said he rather be a willing participant than a fool but…

_Could he really help me get Naruto?_

Sasuke frowned.

Get Naruto. How the fuck could he get someone who had zero interest in him back? All the looks Sasuke got from classmates and teachers and goddamn strangers on the bus before he finally convinced Shisui that he needed his own car… how many times had Sasuke felt eyes roaming over him? And now the one person in all the world he wished would notice him, hadn’t the slightest interest in Sasuke being anything more than just a friend.

Friend. “Tch.” Sasuke scowled.

Naruto had been too afraid for even friendship until Sasuke dropped out the sky and into his Psych Class, forcing his one-time mentor to confront what he long ago left behind.

With a deep frown on his face and anxiety pumping through his veins, Sasuke set his phone to charge and got dressed.

 

* * *

 

“My first appointment's not until 1:30.”

Naruto nodded at his therapist and walked through the office door she held open for him.

“Do we need to conduct our usual song and dance, or are you just going to tell me why I received a panicked voice mail from you this morning at 3am?”

“I had a cigarette on the drive over.” Naruto nervously glanced around his Doctor’s office and eyed the couch with trepidation. “I almost bought a bottle of whiskey but knew you wouldn’t see me with alcohol on my breath -”

“Naruto.”

Naruto looked up at his amber-eyed shrink open mouthed and no idea where to begin.

“Talk to me.” She held her hand out toward the couch and Naruto turned away from her, choosing to instead pace the dimly lit office.

“I know, I know, I'm trying to, I just, shit!” He ran both his hands through his hair and squeezed his eyes shut. “Okay, lemme just… gimme a sec.” Naruto took in a deep breath and opened his eyes to the kind face of his therapist holding out a glass of water.

“Thanks,” he said and took it.

“Naruto, I've seen you despondent, angry and drunk off your ass, but this is the first time I've seen you panicked. I missed my hot yoga class to meet you, so please, sit down and talk to me.”

“Yeah, sorry, Dr. K. And sorry about your hot class.”

“Don't worry about it,” she said and chuckled quietly.

Naruto nodded slow and looked up at her. The soft smile gracing her face calmed him somewhat and he looked behind him to the large Queen Anne black leather chair. It seemed safer than the comfortable couch where too many secrets had previously and far too easily fallen from his lips in years past.

He sat down, sipped on the water in his hand and then rested it on the table next to him. “Thanks for meeting me. I know I haven’t kept in touch or even know how you've been or -”

“Naruto, I'm a therapist. It's in the job description that I not expect or accept social calls from my patients.”

“Yeah,” Naruto said.

“So skip the formalities and tell me how are _you_  doing?”

“I'm not… well, I mean I am but then something happened and…” Naruto's eyes darted away from the astute amber ones and he let out a shaky sigh.

“I fucked up.”

 

* * *

 

Sasuke picked at the label on his Starbucks cup and checked his phone again. 8:27.

When he texted Dei back, they agreed to meet but now that Sasuke sat by himself at the farthest outside table, he again wondered if involving Deidara in his plans was a wise choice. Not that Dei wouldn’t be useful. His tactic at the frat party had been spot on but Sasuke’s reaction to making out with someone for the first time was unsettling.

Of course Sasuke wished it had been Naruto grinding against him in that laundry room… but Dei… well, Dei definitely knew what he was doing.

Sasuke’s stomach flipped at the memory just as he caught sight of Dei’s car pulling into the shopping center parking lot.

*

The look on Deidara’s face was hard for Sasuke to decipher. The smirk the blond was wearing wasn’t on par with the softness of Dei’s eyes and Sasuke almost took a double glance at his coffee partner.

“So you got the teach’s attention. Is that all you want?”

Sasuke glared. “What’re you getting at?”

Deidara settled into his chair and let out a satisfied sigh. “There’s attention and then there’s _attention.”_

Sasuke waited.

“How far are you willing to go?” Deidara sipped his latte and leaned back. “We both know our teacher could get into a shitload of trouble for just being seen with you. You know the way the media works these days. No one cares about proof or consent. All they need to hear is ‘Teacher caught with sixteen year old,’ and his life would be over.”

“I don’t want that,” Sasuke muttered. “He’s not like that. And most people don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about. Judging everyone the same is ridiculous. Not all sixteen year olds are victims.”

Deidara nodded. “You don’t have to convince me. I once got a married man to fuck me in a hotel in Vegas.”

“What?” Sasuke sat up, his back straightening with interest.

Soft laughter escaped his blond friend’s throat. “My family was vacationing in Vegas and they thought sixteen was old enough to let roam the hotel alone.” Dei smirked. “I have no doubt I could’ve got the guy arrested but…” Dei shrugged. “The truth is, I wanted it, him. And I loved every fucking second of it,” he said with a wicked grin.

Sasuke stared at his newly acquired friend. “How old was he?”

“Ha! Older than that teacher you want but not as old as you’re thinking.”

“And you let him fuck you?”

Deidara lifted his coffee and grinned. “And many other things.” Dei took a drink and considered Sasuke. “I came on to him, Sasuke. I saw him checking me out and I approached him. He was hot, knew what he was doing and luckily didn’t hurt me. Looking back, I know it was a dangerous thing to do, but no one will ever convince me that it's no less dangerous for anyone of legal age to do the exact same thing.”

“So you’re saying, I should go for it?”

“I’m saying, if you do, you better know what you’re doing and you should definitely keep it as quiet as possible. No joke, Sasuke. The man could go to prison.”

Sasuke’s eyes blinked and his heart slammed into his stomach. “Even if I’m the one who’s…”

“Yes. The law doesn’t make any distinction between your mental maturity and your physical age.”

With a deep breath, Sasuke lifted his espresso to his lips and drank.

 

* * *

 

Naruto stared at his shrink, waiting. She was staring back but saying nothing. Was she judging him? Silently labeling him as a fucking pedophile? Was she wondering how long she’d have to sit and listen before picking up the phone and calling the cops?

“Naruto-”

“I know. It’s okay, you can say it. I already went over it all on the drive over. There’s no other way, right? I mean turning myself in would be the best -”

The sound of laughter jerked Naruto out of his practiced mea culpa monologue.

“This isn’t fucking fun-”

“Naruto!” Dr. K rose from her chair and went to the coffee pot in the corner of the room. “Do me a favor, okay? Try and remember that I’m more than familiar with the landmines of transference. Remember that as a shrink, there’s a reason why I have to keep a formal distance from my patients and that if there’s anyone in your life equipped to help you handle this rather unfortunate situation you’re in, it’s me.”

Dr. K poured a cup of coffee for herself and one for Naruto. “I think it’s very telling of your character that you would be willing to turn yourself over to the authorities for something that as far as I can tell, wasn’t your fault. But Naruto…” She handed a cup to Naruto and then retook her seat facing him. “You didn’t groom the kid. You didn’t push yourself into his life and you absolutely were acting in his best interest. It’s not your fault the kid’s fallen for you.”

Naruto gaped at her. “He kissed me!”

A soft smile played on her lips. “Yes, he did. And believe me, I agree that this is a serious issue and that you should contact his legal guardian, Shis…?”

“Shisui.”

“Yes, Shisui, as soon as possible. Let him handle Sasuke, as is his right. But for you -”

Naruto’s attention was caught and he looked at her, a flash of desperation in his eyes.

“I think examining why these incidents have triggered the memories from your past in such an overwhelming way is necessary.”

With a dart of his eyes, Naruto set down his coffee cup and rubbed his hands on his jean covered thighs.

“Naruto.”

He got up from the chair and began to pace. His heart was racing and he swallowed, hoping there was some way out of the conversation he was sure she was about to start.

“Naruto. Don’t you think it’s odd that in all the years we’ve talked, you’ve never told me how you ended up at the Sabaku residence that day? About _why_ you were there?”

Pausing in front of the picture window that looked out to the sea, Naruto kept his back to his therapist. He could feel his anxiety rising. Like an egg timer ticking in the distance, he knew it was only a matter of time before the dam burst. Would he drown or swim? Would she judge him for his past sins? Those needling failures that colored his waking life every moment since?

“There’s no judgement here, Naruto,” a soft, patient voice said from behind him. “But with this recent situation dislodging all those old memories, I think it’s time for you to face whatever it is you’ve been running from all these years.”

Naruto felt a tremor build in his hands and he shoved them into his jean’s pockets.

 _“And…”_ she continued. “Why Sasuke Uchiha makes you feel like running all over again.”

 

* * *

 

[Moirai Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL02yEN0tD_2pKRnV26CPWN5dcQZRi0sVm)

 

*

 

This chapter is dedicated to my Bae. I know it's not much, but I'd give you my world if I could. <3

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tact -  
> /takt/  
> noun  
> adroitness and sensitivity in dealing with others or with difficult issues.  
> *  
> If you can't, don't know how, or simply refuse to use tact - don't fuckn bother leaving a comment. Ever.


End file.
